william f. buckley jr. died today. not my favorite guy. in an unusual twist of synchronicity (since i can't remember the last time WFB entered my thoughts, honestly), just this very morning i was reading a student's paper referencing a very moving speech mary fisher gave in 1992 about her HIV diagnosis, and the student contrasted fisher's position with the leading conservative sentiment at the time with this gem from none other than WFB:
"Everyone detected with AIDS should be tattooed in the upper forearm, to protect common needle users, and on the buttock, to prevent the victimization of other homosexuals."
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
grading break ... part troix
for the third time in as many days, here i am up at 5 a.m. to get the papers graded for the class i promised to hand them back to TODAY. puke. but the morning is my best time. some people would stay up until 1 a.m., but that's not me. i like the wee hours of ULTIMATE PROCRASTINATION.
i found this website awhile ago and have been kind of letting it sit, maybe waiting until i'm brainless (good morning, night) but still want to post. it's a blog called modern mechanix, and here's a sampling of what i've gleefully stumbled across:
this alluring freckleproof cape is circa 1940 (i don't really see why the polka-dots need to be there; i think they're more of a confusing fashion statement). please don't ask me about the freaky hood. if i saw a bunch of people lounging by the seaside or a pool in these "capes" i think i would be more than a little alarmed. are these people severely disfigured? why so shy about it? or: some kind of sick kkk group outing where the humidity messed up the hood tops? sad and disturbing, either way. and of course, really FREAKING SCARY like something from the elephant man, holy christ.
as for milady's face harness, well. i should probably see if the 1933 manufacturer is still making these. probably cheaper than botox and would last longer than the fancy anti-wrinkle creams i try to get as samples and sometimes end up buying. the "sagging chin" runs in my family on a certain side (or rather, the "weak chin"), and so maybe this contraption would do the trick! sure it looks uncomfortable to sleep in, but let's face it: wrinkles are uncomfortable for EVERYONE ELSE TO LOOK AT, right?? hello? let's think of others for once instead of being so selfish.
i found this website awhile ago and have been kind of letting it sit, maybe waiting until i'm brainless (good morning, night) but still want to post. it's a blog called modern mechanix, and here's a sampling of what i've gleefully stumbled across:
this alluring freckleproof cape is circa 1940 (i don't really see why the polka-dots need to be there; i think they're more of a confusing fashion statement). please don't ask me about the freaky hood. if i saw a bunch of people lounging by the seaside or a pool in these "capes" i think i would be more than a little alarmed. are these people severely disfigured? why so shy about it? or: some kind of sick kkk group outing where the humidity messed up the hood tops? sad and disturbing, either way. and of course, really FREAKING SCARY like something from the elephant man, holy christ.
as for milady's face harness, well. i should probably see if the 1933 manufacturer is still making these. probably cheaper than botox and would last longer than the fancy anti-wrinkle creams i try to get as samples and sometimes end up buying. the "sagging chin" runs in my family on a certain side (or rather, the "weak chin"), and so maybe this contraption would do the trick! sure it looks uncomfortable to sleep in, but let's face it: wrinkles are uncomfortable for EVERYONE ELSE TO LOOK AT, right?? hello? let's think of others for once instead of being so selfish.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
grading break ... part deux
will someone PLEASE STOP THE INSANITY??
i know, i know. i should've called this blog "SYLVIA WHINES EVERYONE IN UNIVERSE IS PREGNANT AND HAS BABIES EXCEPT HER AND HERE SHE WILL MOAN ABOUT THIS UNTIL THE END OF TIME."
i AM happy for the pregnant people and for the pregnant mothers and fathers and you know i love this woman and so on but OMFG [cue uncontrollable jealous weeping, at least in my head if not from my actual eyes]:
that's it. i'm going to a sperm bank when i'm next living in a city that has sperm banks. a few months from now, most likely. [i wonder: do sperm banks have a drive up teller with the pneumatic tube-deals like a regular money bank? if they see a dog in your backseat, do they casually toss a milkbone in the canister with your vial of semen before they send it hissing through the chute? i shudder to think of people making "deposits" at the drive-up teller ...] i can't take it anymore. my ovaries ARE SCREAMING AND CURSING ME every month and my attempts to placate them with chocolate, cigarettes, coffee, occasionally booze and yoga ARE NOT WORKING. changing my friends' babies' dirty diapers and getting snot on my clothes and applesauce in my hair only makes me want a baby MORE, not less ...
[50 papers down, 100 to go ... damn the oscars tonight! at least i can grade during commercials and the crappy awards.]
i know, i know. i should've called this blog "SYLVIA WHINES EVERYONE IN UNIVERSE IS PREGNANT AND HAS BABIES EXCEPT HER AND HERE SHE WILL MOAN ABOUT THIS UNTIL THE END OF TIME."
i AM happy for the pregnant people and for the pregnant mothers and fathers and you know i love this woman and so on but OMFG [cue uncontrollable jealous weeping, at least in my head if not from my actual eyes]:
that's it. i'm going to a sperm bank when i'm next living in a city that has sperm banks. a few months from now, most likely. [i wonder: do sperm banks have a drive up teller with the pneumatic tube-deals like a regular money bank? if they see a dog in your backseat, do they casually toss a milkbone in the canister with your vial of semen before they send it hissing through the chute? i shudder to think of people making "deposits" at the drive-up teller ...] i can't take it anymore. my ovaries ARE SCREAMING AND CURSING ME every month and my attempts to placate them with chocolate, cigarettes, coffee, occasionally booze and yoga ARE NOT WORKING. changing my friends' babies' dirty diapers and getting snot on my clothes and applesauce in my hair only makes me want a baby MORE, not less ...
[50 papers down, 100 to go ... damn the oscars tonight! at least i can grade during commercials and the crappy awards.]
Thursday, February 21, 2008
grading break ...
in between grading my 5,000,000,000 (ok, 150) student papers (23 down, 127 to go by monday-ish), i check my email and cnn compulsively. you know, in case of ... some kind of student/friend/world disaster i need to know about ASAP.
and apparently john mccain is in hot water over accusations he gave a lobbyist "special treatment." big whoop. but what struck me most was this photo at cnn (courtesy of AP): [OK, SO I GUESS MY CNN-AP PHOTO DISAPPEARED FOR SOME REASON AND I LOOKED ALL OVER THE INTERWEB FOR IT FOR THE LAST 20 MINUTES (I LIE, I LIE--I LOOKED FOR IT FOR OVER 35 MINUTES BECAUSE THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME INSIDE) AND IT'S GONE. GONE! THIS IS A CLOSE SECOND. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY CINDY'S ON CRUTCHES HERE]:
i had to go to wikipedia and do a little reading and math, because judging from this photo, he is 7,000 years old and his wife is 50 or so. i mean, DEAR GOD. she is like an age-appropriate supermodel and HE looks prematurely embalmed. i know the campaign trail is grueling, yet somehow cindy finds time for skin maintenance, cosmetics, waxing, etc. and so maybe she should take her husband with her to the plastic surgeon/dermatologist/aesthetician? wow. john, two words: CHAP STICK. well, maybe that should be one word. whatever. get some. and maybe a little sun wouldn't hurt. you're from arizona for christ's sake. and at 71 isn't it kind of late to sun damage your skin anyway?
[btw, in case you're wondering, cindy's only 17 years younger, not 6,950; she's 54 or so. but no real scandal i'm happy to report: they've been married for almost 28 years and have had three kids. nevermind that he was 52 when the third was born ... oh well.]
[p.s. speaking about mccain, check out this sad song/video illustrating his position on the war. mccain wouldn't be such a bad guy if his support for the war in iraq wasn't so unequivocal.]
and apparently john mccain is in hot water over accusations he gave a lobbyist "special treatment." big whoop. but what struck me most was this photo at cnn (courtesy of AP): [OK, SO I GUESS MY CNN-AP PHOTO DISAPPEARED FOR SOME REASON AND I LOOKED ALL OVER THE INTERWEB FOR IT FOR THE LAST 20 MINUTES (I LIE, I LIE--I LOOKED FOR IT FOR OVER 35 MINUTES BECAUSE THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME INSIDE) AND IT'S GONE. GONE! THIS IS A CLOSE SECOND. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY CINDY'S ON CRUTCHES HERE]:
i had to go to wikipedia and do a little reading and math, because judging from this photo, he is 7,000 years old and his wife is 50 or so. i mean, DEAR GOD. she is like an age-appropriate supermodel and HE looks prematurely embalmed. i know the campaign trail is grueling, yet somehow cindy finds time for skin maintenance, cosmetics, waxing, etc. and so maybe she should take her husband with her to the plastic surgeon/dermatologist/aesthetician? wow. john, two words: CHAP STICK. well, maybe that should be one word. whatever. get some. and maybe a little sun wouldn't hurt. you're from arizona for christ's sake. and at 71 isn't it kind of late to sun damage your skin anyway?
[btw, in case you're wondering, cindy's only 17 years younger, not 6,950; she's 54 or so. but no real scandal i'm happy to report: they've been married for almost 28 years and have had three kids. nevermind that he was 52 when the third was born ... oh well.]
[p.s. speaking about mccain, check out this sad song/video illustrating his position on the war. mccain wouldn't be such a bad guy if his support for the war in iraq wasn't so unequivocal.]
a new soul!
ah, it's that time again here at the blog. a posted viral youtube video made popular from (what i'm told anyway, since i don't see commercials myself) those incredibly cool MacAir ads. thanks, josh. i love love love it.
i love it because the song is so pretty. i love it because my friend (as everyone knows) just had a baby and baby cal already is THIS WONDERFUL NEW SOUL on the planet. i also love it because the video inspires me to tear down the walls of my house. and then move on to a small lake. [did i already tell you that in addition to once harboring tree house fantasies, i've also wanted to live in a houseboat on and off forever? (a sailboat or yacht would suffice, too, i suppose ...)] sometimes i really just want to tear everything down ... build, tear down, build ... sigh. so it goes. let's blame the girl scouts again. i smell an international conspiracy afoot.
[ahem!] take a listen. try to smile at a complete stranger somewhere today. your soul needs less walls -- all of ours do.
yael naim - "a new soul"
i love it because the song is so pretty. i love it because my friend (as everyone knows) just had a baby and baby cal already is THIS WONDERFUL NEW SOUL on the planet. i also love it because the video inspires me to tear down the walls of my house. and then move on to a small lake. [did i already tell you that in addition to once harboring tree house fantasies, i've also wanted to live in a houseboat on and off forever? (a sailboat or yacht would suffice, too, i suppose ...)] sometimes i really just want to tear everything down ... build, tear down, build ... sigh. so it goes. let's blame the girl scouts again. i smell an international conspiracy afoot.
[ahem!] take a listen. try to smile at a complete stranger somewhere today. your soul needs less walls -- all of ours do.
yael naim - "a new soul"
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
hallelujah!
i just sent out lengthy-job-application-numero-4 in less than one week. the last one for a while as i haven't seen any postings i'm interested in/qualified for in some time now. the post office has seen the last of me for SOME TIME, thank god.
[insert GIANT SIGH OF RELIEF here.]
whew. those were fucking exhausting, from so many perspectives. here are a few:
1. many required multiple pages of writing on lovely topics such as, "tell us about diversity, and teaching in diverse classrooms," and "how do you actively engage students in learning?" and "tell us how you've collaborated with colleagues--limit response to 750 words." JESUS. if i had to write the word "pedagogical" one more time, my brain might have exploded on my laptop.
2. my color printer has been broken/in a closet on a high shelf for a year, so printing my cool hybrid CV-resume has been an exercise in patience and has possibly exhausted various generosities of friends. my apologies. the sheer amount of printing all those forms and letters and CVs and transcripts and pages has been kicking my ass, good god. i'm hating all printers at the moment. and loving them, of course.
3. FILLING OUT A PDF/MS WORD APPLICATION "FORM" SUCKS. mainly because they ask you for the name and address of something like, oh, say, a UNIVERSITY DEPARTMENT, and then the space the digital form gives you to type it in only allocates maybe, hmm ... 15 characters. this is a conundrum. abbreviate? hand-write it in? (you can't change the font size). aaaaarrrrggghh.
4. trying to fit your life story and why you love teaching and why they should hire you and why you're brilliant and love diversity and technology and speak more than one language and have millions of curriculum ideas and why you love students and english and/or speech into a one-page "cover" or "application" letter is pretty much an exercise in insanity. i cut and cut and cut and cut. until it sounded stupid. and then i sent it out.
5. did i mention one day i went to five offices on my campus here trying to track down copies of my undergraduate transcripts from new mexico state university?? only to find after three phone calls to new mexico that they can fax me unofficial copies for free in less than 24 hours??? there is a man, i don't know his name, in the registrar's office at NMSU, that i want to kiss on the mouth. bless you, sir. i could hear you smiling helpfully over the phone and you were fast and kind last week when i would've killed a puppy to get copies of those transcripts.
and that's it. now i just have to grade the 150 student papers i have before monday and everything will be right with the universe again. [sleep? why no, who needs this? you know what they say (in a pirate voice, duh): "thare'll be time enough fer sleepin' when yer dead."]
[insert GIANT SIGH OF RELIEF here.]
whew. those were fucking exhausting, from so many perspectives. here are a few:
1. many required multiple pages of writing on lovely topics such as, "tell us about diversity, and teaching in diverse classrooms," and "how do you actively engage students in learning?" and "tell us how you've collaborated with colleagues--limit response to 750 words." JESUS. if i had to write the word "pedagogical" one more time, my brain might have exploded on my laptop.
2. my color printer has been broken/in a closet on a high shelf for a year, so printing my cool hybrid CV-resume has been an exercise in patience and has possibly exhausted various generosities of friends. my apologies. the sheer amount of printing all those forms and letters and CVs and transcripts and pages has been kicking my ass, good god. i'm hating all printers at the moment. and loving them, of course.
3. FILLING OUT A PDF/MS WORD APPLICATION "FORM" SUCKS. mainly because they ask you for the name and address of something like, oh, say, a UNIVERSITY DEPARTMENT, and then the space the digital form gives you to type it in only allocates maybe, hmm ... 15 characters. this is a conundrum. abbreviate? hand-write it in? (you can't change the font size). aaaaarrrrggghh.
4. trying to fit your life story and why you love teaching and why they should hire you and why you're brilliant and love diversity and technology and speak more than one language and have millions of curriculum ideas and why you love students and english and/or speech into a one-page "cover" or "application" letter is pretty much an exercise in insanity. i cut and cut and cut and cut. until it sounded stupid. and then i sent it out.
5. did i mention one day i went to five offices on my campus here trying to track down copies of my undergraduate transcripts from new mexico state university?? only to find after three phone calls to new mexico that they can fax me unofficial copies for free in less than 24 hours??? there is a man, i don't know his name, in the registrar's office at NMSU, that i want to kiss on the mouth. bless you, sir. i could hear you smiling helpfully over the phone and you were fast and kind last week when i would've killed a puppy to get copies of those transcripts.
and that's it. now i just have to grade the 150 student papers i have before monday and everything will be right with the universe again. [sleep? why no, who needs this? you know what they say (in a pirate voice, duh): "thare'll be time enough fer sleepin' when yer dead."]
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
¡adiós, castro! nos vemos otro día ...
"they talk about the failure of socialism but where is the success of capitalism in africa, asia, latin america?"
- q. from fidel castro, who stepped down after almost 50 years of rule in cuba today
[pic is of my man ché on left, and castro on right, circa 1960s.]
Monday, February 18, 2008
My heart leaps up when I behold
My heart leaps up when I behold
A rainbow in the sky:
So was it when my life began;
So is it now I am a man;
So be it when I shall grow old,
Or let me die!
The Child is father of the Man;
I could wish my days to be
Bound each to each by natural piety.
- William Wordsworth (1770-1850)
my dear, truly amazing friend jennifer is hopefully nursing her brand-new baby son #3 this morning (or perhaps, still pushing??) and MY HEART IS LEAPING AND BURSTING OVER WITH HAPPINESS for her and her brilliant, loving family. i'm waiting for the call from her husband right now (i said "call in the night, wake me up for christ's sakes," but he said he'd wait for a reasonable-ish hour, sigh) to let me know if baby's still giving mama hell or is out and happy breathing air.
oh babies. newborns. i get all choked up. [gulp.] my friends think i'm demented because i joke that i want to "eat babies alive." but that's just the only metaphor i have for my love for them, which is clearly all-consuming. [i would never EVER eat a baby; i can't believe i even have to write that.] i just want to swallow their hands and feet and legs and bellies and cheeks and smiles and smells and hold them forever. maybe that's the demented part: that i love "love" so much ... and baby love -- well, it doesn't get any sweeter.
here's to jennifer! congratulations my angel! you made it! i tell you all the time and i'm telling you again today: you inspire me all the time with your creativity, your patience, and your strength. i love you and i love baby ____ (i'll let you tell his name on your own blog, lol). i'll be seeing you both very soon ...
update: not knowing whether baby was born or whether mama jennifer was just having worst labor EVER, i got in car and started driving 45 minutes to hospital at 10:30 this morning. well, that was lucky timing. 15 minutes from hospital, the proud papa calls and said baby was born at 10:21 and come on over. [i was all, "uhm, yeah, guess where i am? this is so funny actually ..."] baby callum ("cal") gray anderssen was born 7 lbs. 15 oz. and 21" after 18 HOURS OF GODDAMN LABOR. poor jennifer didn't get the epidural until four hours before baby was born, holy christ she IS SOME KIND OF TROOPER. i mean, GOOD GOD, PEOPLE. [did i already mention she has two boys under the age of three at home???]
Friday, February 15, 2008
the greatest generation!
i think everyone skipped reading my post (replete with trailer) about this wonderfully cool, sweet and hilarious documentary coming out, "young at heart," and that's ok. (in case you're curious now, it featured clips of SENIOR CITIZENS SINGING "I WANT TO BE SEDATED," heh-lo? lmao over here just remembering it). but after showing it to officemates, one of them said i had to check out the zimmers, and christ i'm glad we did.
you're going to LOVE this. promise. click play and rock out. it's FOR REAL.
the zimmers - "my generation"
you're going to LOVE this. promise. click play and rock out. it's FOR REAL.
the zimmers - "my generation"
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Dear Invisible Millionaire Friends,
lately you've probably been asking yourself, "what will i do with all my excess millions of dollars i have laying around the house in piles and in bank accounts the world over?" this is a common question a lot of millionaires and billionaires ask themselves, really. don't feel bad for not being able to spend it all! that's normal and probably healthy. i mean, we can only have so many houses, jets, adopted babies, and day spa memberships, right?? totally understandable.
well, i'm here to help.
i've actually been sending you telepathic messages for some time now, but i'm not sure you're receiving them.
yes, this is the most current anthropologie catalog that i recently got in the mail. and yes, YOU CAN BUY ME EVERYTHING IN IT.
by "everything," i actually mean "everything." if you need my sizes in shoes, pants, tops, dresses, beds, walls, etc., just post a comment and i'll get back to ASAP. (note: i have been including these sizes in my telepathic messages, but as with the messages themselves, i fear they may have gotten lost somewhere along the way).
oh sure, there are other, more valuable ways to burn through your piles of cash (friends committee on national legislation [fcnl] comes to mind, a quaker lobby group that promotes peace and social justice), but you probably have your pet causes already, don't you?
just take a look at this blouse, though, and tell me you don't think WE WOULD ALL look ravishing in it:
and look at this beautiful scene below! there's a peacock! truly the anthropologie catalogs are works of art. don't you wish you lived in gauzy-perfect-french-bohemian-anthropologie world??
[SIGH. i do.]
so please invisible millionaires, do what you know is right in your heart: buy me everything from the anthropologie catalog. (click on link to view the catalog, and just imagine how happy i would be in the blue dress on pg. 5, or the white dress on pg. 8).
this isn't really asking too much. it's not haute couture we're talking about, just out of my price range at the moment ...
thanking you in advance for your kindness,
:) sylvia.
xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxo!
well, i'm here to help.
i've actually been sending you telepathic messages for some time now, but i'm not sure you're receiving them.
yes, this is the most current anthropologie catalog that i recently got in the mail. and yes, YOU CAN BUY ME EVERYTHING IN IT.
by "everything," i actually mean "everything." if you need my sizes in shoes, pants, tops, dresses, beds, walls, etc., just post a comment and i'll get back to ASAP. (note: i have been including these sizes in my telepathic messages, but as with the messages themselves, i fear they may have gotten lost somewhere along the way).
oh sure, there are other, more valuable ways to burn through your piles of cash (friends committee on national legislation [fcnl] comes to mind, a quaker lobby group that promotes peace and social justice), but you probably have your pet causes already, don't you?
just take a look at this blouse, though, and tell me you don't think WE WOULD ALL look ravishing in it:
and look at this beautiful scene below! there's a peacock! truly the anthropologie catalogs are works of art. don't you wish you lived in gauzy-perfect-french-bohemian-anthropologie world??
[SIGH. i do.]
so please invisible millionaires, do what you know is right in your heart: buy me everything from the anthropologie catalog. (click on link to view the catalog, and just imagine how happy i would be in the blue dress on pg. 5, or the white dress on pg. 8).
this isn't really asking too much. it's not haute couture we're talking about, just out of my price range at the moment ...
thanking you in advance for your kindness,
:) sylvia.
xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxo!
disturbing new facebook widget
it was only a matter of time. of course the folks at facebook (aka "stalkbook" to many, including students themselves; aka GIANT GODDAMN TIME-SUCKER according to most all profs who know that while they're lecturing to a hall full of students with open laptops the students are really NOT taking notes, just doing crap on facebook) have known for awhile now how to track WHO is looking AT WHAT. of course.
but it wasn't until this morning that i got a little freaked out. i joined facebook when i first started teaching, spring semester of 2005, and so my profile features a random (some say "little richard-esque") woman with a dark mullet and mustache and then all the info is just about me being an old lecturer with arthritis or something. nothing personal at all. i have NO widgets. nada. (i did, finally, at the insistence of students last fall, get a "wall," but this has proved uneventful. they wished me a happy birthday when it rolled around, which was sweet).
anyhoodle, the students find me and add me as their friend and it's all fun. i love love love reading their profiles, seriously. i wish i could mandate it as part of the class. kidding! (sort of ...) yes, because i'm a stalker in the grand tradition like they are, but also because LIKE THEY ARE, i'm just so curious and interested in their lives. what they choose to make public. the girls love jesus a lot. the guys like "family guy" a lot, and "fight club" and often "jesus," which should maybe be a contradiction, but whatever. the girls have WAY more pictures up of themselves, lol. (i like the profiles where guys/ladies seem all insipidly "wholesome" in their values and then there are pics of them puking in an alley, mrah).
all in all, facebook is a fabulous thing, GIANT GODDAMN TIME-SUCKER or not. i love what it lets students and people (increasingly, adults and professionals all over the world) express about themselves, and then connect to others.
but. (of course there's a but).
this morning as i was perusing a profile of a student who just requested me as his friend (a sweet kid from a small town who likes stock car racing yet is in a group supporting hillary clinton?!? cool! [why not give obama a chance, kid?]) i was scrolling down when i was startled to suddenly see, yes: MY VERY OWN MULLETED PROFILE PICTURE STARING BACK AT ME ON HIS PAGE.
aaaaaaaaaaccccckkkk.
now, to be sure, it's totally fine i'm scoping out his profile. he just added me as a friend. i'm his teacher. we're both scorpios, etc. the name of this widget i had yet to come across is something like (i closed the page and haven't been able to bring myself to open it up again, so i might have this wrong) "Who's Looking At Your Profile Right Now?" and then it has the picture of the "friend"/"stalker" right there, jesus christ.
oh, facebook. disable that feature, will you? i mean seriously. yuck. of course you need the technology for when/if there are real stalking issues and so on, but: ugh. let us explore each others' worlds quietly, and you know what? if we didn't want our "friends"/"stalkers" to see what we have up there, we wouldn't put it there, right?
p.s. obama kicked ass in the potomac primary last night. like we all knew he would. he now leads hillary in delegates, like we knew he eventually would. YES WE CAN win the democratic nomination for president in denver in august (will probably cinch it long before that).
but it wasn't until this morning that i got a little freaked out. i joined facebook when i first started teaching, spring semester of 2005, and so my profile features a random (some say "little richard-esque") woman with a dark mullet and mustache and then all the info is just about me being an old lecturer with arthritis or something. nothing personal at all. i have NO widgets. nada. (i did, finally, at the insistence of students last fall, get a "wall," but this has proved uneventful. they wished me a happy birthday when it rolled around, which was sweet).
anyhoodle, the students find me and add me as their friend and it's all fun. i love love love reading their profiles, seriously. i wish i could mandate it as part of the class. kidding! (sort of ...) yes, because i'm a stalker in the grand tradition like they are, but also because LIKE THEY ARE, i'm just so curious and interested in their lives. what they choose to make public. the girls love jesus a lot. the guys like "family guy" a lot, and "fight club" and often "jesus," which should maybe be a contradiction, but whatever. the girls have WAY more pictures up of themselves, lol. (i like the profiles where guys/ladies seem all insipidly "wholesome" in their values and then there are pics of them puking in an alley, mrah).
all in all, facebook is a fabulous thing, GIANT GODDAMN TIME-SUCKER or not. i love what it lets students and people (increasingly, adults and professionals all over the world) express about themselves, and then connect to others.
but. (of course there's a but).
this morning as i was perusing a profile of a student who just requested me as his friend (a sweet kid from a small town who likes stock car racing yet is in a group supporting hillary clinton?!? cool! [why not give obama a chance, kid?]) i was scrolling down when i was startled to suddenly see, yes: MY VERY OWN MULLETED PROFILE PICTURE STARING BACK AT ME ON HIS PAGE.
aaaaaaaaaaccccckkkk.
now, to be sure, it's totally fine i'm scoping out his profile. he just added me as a friend. i'm his teacher. we're both scorpios, etc. the name of this widget i had yet to come across is something like (i closed the page and haven't been able to bring myself to open it up again, so i might have this wrong) "Who's Looking At Your Profile Right Now?" and then it has the picture of the "friend"/"stalker" right there, jesus christ.
oh, facebook. disable that feature, will you? i mean seriously. yuck. of course you need the technology for when/if there are real stalking issues and so on, but: ugh. let us explore each others' worlds quietly, and you know what? if we didn't want our "friends"/"stalkers" to see what we have up there, we wouldn't put it there, right?
p.s. obama kicked ass in the potomac primary last night. like we all knew he would. he now leads hillary in delegates, like we knew he eventually would. YES WE CAN win the democratic nomination for president in denver in august (will probably cinch it long before that).
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
i'm LMAO over here!!
yes, yes i'm still ridiculously (no wait: SUPER-ridiculously) busy this week as the job apps are STILL not done nor out yet. in 60 hours the two most critical ones will be, barring some sort of in-home-accident where i spill boiling water IN MY EYES or break my legs walking down my own stairs, you know. (knowing how clumsy i am, it's a miracle i've lived 30 years without having either of these two things come to pass. yes, i'm fucking knocking on wood RIGHT NOW).
but i feel guilty not posting anything and don't want my faithful four readers to think i'm neglecting them! i love you four readers! i know who you are even if you don't post comments!
so CHECK OUT THIS LATEST mcsweeney's: Everything is Wrong With You: A letter from Dr. Phil. it's so funny i laughed out loud multiple times, holy christ. i'm not even going to put a sample up here: JUST GO READ IT. laugh. enjoy. drink champagne from a bucket. don't wake the bear.
but i feel guilty not posting anything and don't want my faithful four readers to think i'm neglecting them! i love you four readers! i know who you are even if you don't post comments!
so CHECK OUT THIS LATEST mcsweeney's: Everything is Wrong With You: A letter from Dr. Phil. it's so funny i laughed out loud multiple times, holy christ. i'm not even going to put a sample up here: JUST GO READ IT. laugh. enjoy. drink champagne from a bucket. don't wake the bear.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
quick post!
i'm busy this weekend, paying dearly for my procrastination of days and weeks past. [i had all the time in the world last week and last weekend to do these incredibly lengthy job application questions and laundry and lesson plans and EVERYTHING ELSE and so what did i do? of course. of course! i waited until the last possible second when i have 5,000,000 other things to to all at once and so now i'm flipping out .... aaahhhhccckk. i just go start eating the tums right now, preemptively.]
but my homeboy obama SWEPT saturday's primaries and caucuses across the country last night. he won in every state there was a contest: washington, nebraska, louisiana, (uh, as well as in the virgin islands. i guess they have, like, three delegates or something? that's so cute!) obama's leading hillary in delegates, apparently, but trailing her in superdelegates, which explains why his overall total (1,039) is still below hers (1,100).
[i uh, baby-sat last night, btw. (yes, because i'm suddenly in high school all over again. nevermind). i can count on one hand the number of times i've done this in the last five years. i can now count on one finger the number of time(s) i've done this, officially for money (now i feel dirty) and not as a favor for a friend. more on this another day ... (who knew babysitting paid so well?? maybe i should do this every saturday, seriously!)]
but my homeboy obama SWEPT saturday's primaries and caucuses across the country last night. he won in every state there was a contest: washington, nebraska, louisiana, (uh, as well as in the virgin islands. i guess they have, like, three delegates or something? that's so cute!) obama's leading hillary in delegates, apparently, but trailing her in superdelegates, which explains why his overall total (1,039) is still below hers (1,100).
[i uh, baby-sat last night, btw. (yes, because i'm suddenly in high school all over again. nevermind). i can count on one hand the number of times i've done this in the last five years. i can now count on one finger the number of time(s) i've done this, officially for money (now i feel dirty) and not as a favor for a friend. more on this another day ... (who knew babysitting paid so well?? maybe i should do this every saturday, seriously!)]
Thursday, February 7, 2008
have i told you lately ...
how much i love this woman?
[i know, this is an old pic. but the current one from cnn was too small and looked funny here.]
angelina jolie is apparently in iraq as part of her role as goodwill ambassador for the UNHCR to bring awareness to the tune of 2 MILLION IRAQI REFUGEES. this is long overdue because iraqi refugee numbers are growing daily and many camps and border countries are over-capacity. i never in my life have sent fanmail [except for that one to "luke skywalker" when i was 7, but nevermind] but sometimes think of sending AJ love letters. i was just talking with a girlfriend about whether she's pregnant with twins or not and so on and all i could think was that AJ must've been some kind of freaky saint in a past life (and she's working pretty hard on it now, too, for that matter) because she's pretty much living my dream life (aside from the freaky early marriage to billy bob, vials of blood, yada yada).
anyhoo, i love her because she's funny and brilliant and loves kids and babies and believes in standing up and WORKING FOR what you believe in. i wish more hollywood stars would worry a little less about their spray tans and NY fashion week and collagen and donate the amount of time and money AJ does to making the world a better, safer place. [oh yeah, her "husband"? whatever his name is? he's just icing on the cake, to be honest. it's nice for him to have someone to motivate him to change the world, i imagine.]
[i know, this is an old pic. but the current one from cnn was too small and looked funny here.]
angelina jolie is apparently in iraq as part of her role as goodwill ambassador for the UNHCR to bring awareness to the tune of 2 MILLION IRAQI REFUGEES. this is long overdue because iraqi refugee numbers are growing daily and many camps and border countries are over-capacity. i never in my life have sent fanmail [except for that one to "luke skywalker" when i was 7, but nevermind] but sometimes think of sending AJ love letters. i was just talking with a girlfriend about whether she's pregnant with twins or not and so on and all i could think was that AJ must've been some kind of freaky saint in a past life (and she's working pretty hard on it now, too, for that matter) because she's pretty much living my dream life (aside from the freaky early marriage to billy bob, vials of blood, yada yada).
anyhoo, i love her because she's funny and brilliant and loves kids and babies and believes in standing up and WORKING FOR what you believe in. i wish more hollywood stars would worry a little less about their spray tans and NY fashion week and collagen and donate the amount of time and money AJ does to making the world a better, safer place. [oh yeah, her "husband"? whatever his name is? he's just icing on the cake, to be honest. it's nice for him to have someone to motivate him to change the world, i imagine.]
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
The Romney Campaign tries to capture the over-looked "Metalhead" vote
i'm laughing my ass off over this mitt romney youtube video ("he kills taxes, NOT BABIES!") set to death-metal. it's short, promise. i'm not posting the vid here because i'm lazy and have been putting up WAY too many videos lately, sigh. so just go take a look if you want a good laugh. "MORE-MAN!!"
i'm so confused!
... but what's new about that, really?
soon, i promise, soon, i'll get back to the important work of my job application questions and reading my book and further ignoring my various other commitments, but for now this is really bugging me: why is msnbc.com showing obama in the delegate lead, and cnn.com showing hillary in the lead?
as of 8 p.m. EST, msnbc has obama at 838 delegates, and hillary at 834, while cnn has obama at 741 and hillary at 823. those are pretty different numbers and the whole primary process is pretty messy anyway (what with the caucus vs. primary and delegates and superdelgates and pledged and WHATEVER). I AM STRUGGLING HERE, PEOPLE.
i guess news agencies predict things in their own mysterious ways.
soon, i promise, soon, i'll get back to the important work of my job application questions and reading my book and further ignoring my various other commitments, but for now this is really bugging me: why is msnbc.com showing obama in the delegate lead, and cnn.com showing hillary in the lead?
as of 8 p.m. EST, msnbc has obama at 838 delegates, and hillary at 834, while cnn has obama at 741 and hillary at 823. those are pretty different numbers and the whole primary process is pretty messy anyway (what with the caucus vs. primary and delegates and superdelgates and pledged and WHATEVER). I AM STRUGGLING HERE, PEOPLE.
i guess news agencies predict things in their own mysterious ways.
hmm ...
remember my post about the most amazing drug in the universe that was supposed to prevent me from getting migraines AND miracle-of-miracles, make me lose weight (it's called topamax, btw)?? well, i just came back from my month-later follow-up neurologist visit and was slightly disappointed and slightly relieved at the same time (lately i'm all about the contradictions it seems, just a constant roiling ball of them ... what do you think: embrace these or work to eradicate? or something else that starts with 'e'?)
see, i AM relieved i haven't had a migraine. but i haven't passed the true "test" yet which is the days/week of ridiculous hormone levels peaking prior to aunt flo's arrival in town. if i don't get a migraine that week, topamax will indeed prove itself worth its weight in gold (which, to be honest, can't be that much. we're talking about VERY TINY pills here. they weigh like, nothing).
but whatever. you know what i mean. [every single year that i age it seems, these motherscratching- blessed- insane hormones get crazier and more intense. maybe other ladies (ahem!) can relate in some way? i never used to have the velociraptor- on- crack PMS and the bloating and the tears and the only upswing is my libido which ... neverfreakingmind. this all means more migraines because they're very hormone-related.]
but disappointingly, i haven't lost THAT much weight. 8-measly-lbs. which, on a real doctor's scale (unlike my home wal-mart scale that pretty much fluctuates according to, oh, the barometric pressure, or say, how i happen to be standing on it: weight on toes [UP], weight on heels [DOWN]) isn't shabby ... but it isn't like, phenomenal. i'd still like to lose 8 MORE, which seems crazy impossible on this miracle drug because guess what: YOU DON'T EAT ANYTHING (and as a result, i think i've slowed my metabolism down to like, semi-starvation levels or something).
yep. that's why everyone loses all the weight on topamax. no appetite. and your jaw is wired shut for a month. (just kidding about that last one). i fight it, of course, in the worst of all possible ways to "diet," because i often don't eat all day (because YOU'RE NEVER or rarely HUNGRY) and then finally decide at like, 7 p.m. that i have to eat something and that something is usually the crap i have in my house which is usually bagels or something equally starchy.
but you want to know the CRAZY PART, people-who-know-me?? i've had a monster-family-size box of junior mints, half-full (no, more than half-full) sitting in my kitchen for four days now. that's the POWER of the drug. that's the kind of NOT-HUNGRY we're talking about here. i just don't even care. i don't even feel like eating them. ever. [i ate like, 10 last night and was all, "oh wow, yuck, candy, i'm just DONE." wtf??]
p.s. check out this pretty funny PMS guide for men (ignore stupid PMS jokes underneath, sorry). i originally got this in an email from my sister in duluth and it cracked me up then. my favorites are "i've always loved you in that robe!" and "here's my paycheck."
see, i AM relieved i haven't had a migraine. but i haven't passed the true "test" yet which is the days/week of ridiculous hormone levels peaking prior to aunt flo's arrival in town. if i don't get a migraine that week, topamax will indeed prove itself worth its weight in gold (which, to be honest, can't be that much. we're talking about VERY TINY pills here. they weigh like, nothing).
but whatever. you know what i mean. [every single year that i age it seems, these motherscratching- blessed- insane hormones get crazier and more intense. maybe other ladies (ahem!) can relate in some way? i never used to have the velociraptor- on- crack PMS and the bloating and the tears and the only upswing is my libido which ... neverfreakingmind. this all means more migraines because they're very hormone-related.]but disappointingly, i haven't lost THAT much weight. 8-measly-lbs. which, on a real doctor's scale (unlike my home wal-mart scale that pretty much fluctuates according to, oh, the barometric pressure, or say, how i happen to be standing on it: weight on toes [UP], weight on heels [DOWN]) isn't shabby ... but it isn't like, phenomenal. i'd still like to lose 8 MORE, which seems crazy impossible on this miracle drug because guess what: YOU DON'T EAT ANYTHING (and as a result, i think i've slowed my metabolism down to like, semi-starvation levels or something).
yep. that's why everyone loses all the weight on topamax. no appetite. and your jaw is wired shut for a month. (just kidding about that last one). i fight it, of course, in the worst of all possible ways to "diet," because i often don't eat all day (because YOU'RE NEVER or rarely HUNGRY) and then finally decide at like, 7 p.m. that i have to eat something and that something is usually the crap i have in my house which is usually bagels or something equally starchy.
but you want to know the CRAZY PART, people-who-know-me?? i've had a monster-family-size box of junior mints, half-full (no, more than half-full) sitting in my kitchen for four days now. that's the POWER of the drug. that's the kind of NOT-HUNGRY we're talking about here. i just don't even care. i don't even feel like eating them. ever. [i ate like, 10 last night and was all, "oh wow, yuck, candy, i'm just DONE." wtf??]
p.s. check out this pretty funny PMS guide for men (ignore stupid PMS jokes underneath, sorry). i originally got this in an email from my sister in duluth and it cracked me up then. my favorites are "i've always loved you in that robe!" and "here's my paycheck."
totally random bizarreness ...
but made me chuckle. i hadn't been to one of my fav design sites, swissmiss, in awhile, but got this from there (who of course, got it from someone else ... such is the "viral" coolness of the inter-web: thanks al gore!).
A strange sight at Grand Central. A couple of hundred people, indistinguishable from the 500,000 commuters who pass through the midtown station each day, suddenly freeze. They were part of an improv group which has put on this public event before, but never in such a theatrical space. A cop was asked what was going on: "I have no idea! That is the craziest shit I’ve ever seen in my life, and I'm a cop!"
A strange sight at Grand Central. A couple of hundred people, indistinguishable from the 500,000 commuters who pass through the midtown station each day, suddenly freeze. They were part of an improv group which has put on this public event before, but never in such a theatrical space. A cop was asked what was going on: "I have no idea! That is the craziest shit I’ve ever seen in my life, and I'm a cop!"
only 1,284 delegates to go!
well, according to last night's results: it's a mixed bag for my man obama. he won more states, and a wider variety of states (is that a legitimate category??) than hillary, but didn't get the landslide i was hoping for in california ... overall, i'm happy for him though, and i'm super-proud my home state of minnesota loves obama as much as i do: he won a pretty overwhelming caucus victory there, with still only 80% of votes tallied at 67% to clinton's 32%.
in general, if you read the slate article i link to above (see "mixed bag"), i think things are looking VERY awesome for obama. he's got the money and the time and the only scary thing is that his competition is going to be john mccain. who i was REALLY HOPING would NOT get the g.o.p. nod because i think despite being an old fart in favor of the war, he's actually somewhat respectable and smart and centrist (unlike the crazy mormon and the chuck norris sidekick). damn! it's like voters across the spectrum are wising up or something!
YES. WE. CAN.
in general, if you read the slate article i link to above (see "mixed bag"), i think things are looking VERY awesome for obama. he's got the money and the time and the only scary thing is that his competition is going to be john mccain. who i was REALLY HOPING would NOT get the g.o.p. nod because i think despite being an old fart in favor of the war, he's actually somewhat respectable and smart and centrist (unlike the crazy mormon and the chuck norris sidekick). damn! it's like voters across the spectrum are wising up or something!
YES. WE. CAN.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
the more blogs the better!
this is my gorgeous cousin alison in the blue with me on new year's eve in duluth, minn. you can't see even a teensy piece of a wine glass in front of her because in this pic she was, i believe 16 weeks pregnant and was under this crazy impression alcohol isn't recommended for growing fetuses (stupid doctors!). [and on another, completely unrelated side note: no, i don't know what the hell is wrong with my eyes in this picture and why it looks like i had an eye lift. they don't normally look like this, so "madam-like" and pulled. my amazing step-sister whom i was visiting, marisa, took the pic, and i'll post a one of us with a story another day ...]
anyhoo, alison. she's (yay yay yay!!!) pregnant and due in early may and was my friend and even roommate for a long time and very recently got herself a blog: oase. it's about her life, her pregnancy, everything. and it has a much neater design than mine, suddenly making me wish i had tried harder to make mine look unique ... hmm ...
the point i'm getting to (slowly, like always, very very slowly) is that alison was saying she was a "super copy cat" for getting a blog because she got one after two people she knows got one. heh-lo? totally CRAZY! that would be like saying everyone in the world was a "super copy cat" for getting an email address or a myspace/facebook page or whatever after the first person did. AND IT'S NOT COPYING IT'S JUST BEING ALIVE. like breathing. bandwagons come and go. blogs are here to stay, i've decided, and it took me a long time to decide that, silly as it sounds. [did we all copy the first person who started saying "fuck a duck"? i did, actually. i read that in a stephen king book when i was in junior high and decided to start saying it then. so I'M TOTAL COPY CAT, OK? but i've been saying it for so long, it feels like mine now ... but i think profanities are in the public domain, are they not?]
and besides: I LOVE READING OTHER PEOPLE'S BLOGS. don't we all in some funny way? it's like this neat blend of voyeurism and just keeping up-to-date on each other's lives/thoughts/ideas ... i love ali's blog already. i love my friend jennifer's blog about her family. i read all kinds of blogs.
one last thing for all the other haters out there [you know who you are, you who shun technology or cry that writing online for a blog isn't useful writing]: JUST STAY OFF THE INTERNET THEN. yep. you heard me. good luck with that. tell me how it goes. SEE: writing is writing is writing. (well, mostly). and i'm finding that the blog is keeping me happier and more creatively inspired than i've been in A LONG WHILE, prompting all sorts of new (imaginative) notions that had previously just been festering ...
so go get your own blogs, everyone! i'll link to you! it will be SO FUN. :) i really think they're cool and handy and inspiring in such a variety of ways ... i only wish more of my family and friends had them for me to bookmark and visit all the time.
Monday, February 4, 2008
yes, we can. hopefully tuesday.
see below for startlingly moving propaganda video from obama campaign: YES WE CAN. (click on link to go to youtube video and then read "more" details there).
at first it was kind of annoying with the black eyed peas guy and my man barack all talking/singing at the same time. and then i started (i'm SUCH a sap, holy shit, i know) listening to the words and the music got louder and suddenly it was beautiful and i got goosebumps! it's actually a really amazing song, wow! but you know me-- i'm a cynic and a romantic, all rolled into one. (such an enigma, ooohh ...)
[anyway, obama's getting a lot of flak for all his celebrity endorsements, but IT'S TOUGH WHEN YOU'RE SO WONDERFUL and you're the only candidate who stands for real change and hope and peace and so on.] whatever. enjoy the beautiful people singing here, and enjoy the music of this brilliant man's voice -- i hope super tuesday is good to him tomorrow so that we might get to hear it for the next four years at least.
YES WE CAN - various artists, celebrities ...
at first it was kind of annoying with the black eyed peas guy and my man barack all talking/singing at the same time. and then i started (i'm SUCH a sap, holy shit, i know) listening to the words and the music got louder and suddenly it was beautiful and i got goosebumps! it's actually a really amazing song, wow! but you know me-- i'm a cynic and a romantic, all rolled into one. (such an enigma, ooohh ...)
[anyway, obama's getting a lot of flak for all his celebrity endorsements, but IT'S TOUGH WHEN YOU'RE SO WONDERFUL and you're the only candidate who stands for real change and hope and peace and so on.] whatever. enjoy the beautiful people singing here, and enjoy the music of this brilliant man's voice -- i hope super tuesday is good to him tomorrow so that we might get to hear it for the next four years at least.
YES WE CAN - various artists, celebrities ...
my old fantasy ...
i used to have (er, scratch that: i STILL HAVE) this swiss family robinson-ish tree house fantasy. i think that movie just had some sort of freaky-weird huge impression on me at an early age or something, because i totally want to have, like 10 kids and go live on an island in a giant tree house and have ostrich races and pet monkeys and dumb waiters (and pandas, duh) in my own familial utopia of sorts. completely sick and demented, i realize. where would i get books? if i let my 10 kids run around naked all the time (thus not being raised an increasingly westernized body-conscious, no, make that BODY-SHAMED locker-room mentality), how will they ever adapt to say, life at the sorbonne once they get in? ahhh ... these are the "tough" questions indeed. (also: how to prevent the tigers you raised as cubs from eating one of your 10 kids? i mean, INSTINCT is INSTINCT, you know? can you blame them?)
but i digress. of course. because i ALWAYS do this.
i really just wanted to show you this awesome link to architecture's "top 8 most amazing tree houses," here at someone's blog. i was just talking about tree houses with my old advisor last week because he's building his kids a neat one, so i googled them this morning and found this recent "top 8" link. these are fun (see my favorite of the eight below, and please send me links to other neat ones online if you find them!), but none of them really evoke that swiss-family-nostalgia i was hoping for. ah well, the searching is half the fun of the finding, you know ...
but i digress. of course. because i ALWAYS do this.
i really just wanted to show you this awesome link to architecture's "top 8 most amazing tree houses," here at someone's blog. i was just talking about tree houses with my old advisor last week because he's building his kids a neat one, so i googled them this morning and found this recent "top 8" link. these are fun (see my favorite of the eight below, and please send me links to other neat ones online if you find them!), but none of them really evoke that swiss-family-nostalgia i was hoping for. ah well, the searching is half the fun of the finding, you know ...
Sunday, February 3, 2008
not new, but still fun ...
and: startlingly accurate. [because, duh, i DO have a good voice for TV and radio (a "perfect face for radio," a kindly drama teacher once told me, aw shucks ...).] no, but because of the whole where-i'm-from thing. born and raised in minnesota, lived out west for four years, then have lived in the south for four years ...? how DID THIS QUIZ KNOW THIS?? i tried to be crazy-truthful and not answer anything to make me sound like anything other than I AM.
whatever. have fun and try it and tell me if it was scary-accurate for you, too.
whatever. have fun and try it and tell me if it was scary-accurate for you, too.
| What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio. | |
| North Central | |
| The West | |
| The South | |
| Boston | |
| The Inland North | |
| Philadelphia | |
| The Northeast | |
| What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz | |
Saturday, February 2, 2008
i think i can can't wait ...
for this hilarious documentary to come out -- it's young at heart (click for official site), and i almost wet myself when i saw the preview last night i laughed so much. and it was that sweet kind of gut-laughing, you know: poignant humor (not the will ferrell sort; which isn't bad at all, just not as dear). i wish i didn't have to wait until april to see it, alas ...
enjoy!
trailer for young at heart:
enjoy!
trailer for young at heart:
Friday, February 1, 2008
a "teachable moment"? [LONG]
i remember back in Composition Theory, the grad class we were required to take if we english grad students (i was one of these, sort of) were going to teach freshmen comp, what our prof referred to constantly as "teachable moments." they were these moments in the classroom when something unexpected would happen, say in discussion, or just ... in life, and you, as the instructor, had to think on your feet about how to make something potentially awkward and/or traumatizing/embarrassing into something "teachable." [cough.] well.
needless to say, there have been PLENTY of these over my few short years teaching so far, some of them poignant, many of them awkward, and many of them (i hope ...) funny.
take last night, for example.
since i teach public speaking, and since i also hate cell phones in class [especially texting! you fools! it's SO FUCKING obvious you're doing this, can't you tell? i can't stand this, argh.], i almost always, every class, make a point to hold up my phone at the beginning of class, turn it on "silent" and ask the class to do the same. i make the same lame joke every time that i prefer 'silent' over 'off' so i can see my missed calls because i'm so popular and i get so many calls, blah blah blah which is a BIG joke because i am really a loser and mention this and really never get any calls. whatever.
except in last night's class i forget to do this.
and OF COURSE THE ONE TIME I FORGET MY PHONE RINGS. IN CLASS:
ring. ring.
me: oh holy crap! i can't believe i left my phone on! i'm such a hypocrite. quick, everyone, turn your phones off! i'm so sorry!!
class: [laughing and laughing.]
kids in class: who is it? see who it is!
me: darn [i try REALLY hard not to swear in class], it's my dad. i'm such a dork. no one calls me except my parents. i'm so lame.
class: [laughs] answer it!
me: in class? are you kidding? we're doing important work!!
smart-aleck-funny-kid: i'll answer it, quick, pass it to me!
me: uh ... ok, here, press the green button.
kid: hello? [he has a deep voice. the class is trying SO HARD to contain their giggles. it is actually, quite hysterical.]
kid again: this is her student. [smiles] we're actually in her class right now.
[snorts from around the room. everyone is straining to hear every word.]
kid again: no, no, it's OK. no problem, i'll tell her. you have a good night, too. good bye. [hangs up.]
me: what did he say??
[class is CRACKING UP, btw.]
kid: [hands phone back to me.] he said he'd call you back later.
me: oh, OK. thanks.
kid: sure. anytime.
and that, people, is a "teachable moment," except i'm still working on WHAT exactly was "taught," except recovering from embarrassment through humor, maybe? it seemed MUCH longer in class, so i'm probably leaving something out ... god, but it was really funny. i should've put my dad on speaker phone, damn. maybe next time ...
needless to say, there have been PLENTY of these over my few short years teaching so far, some of them poignant, many of them awkward, and many of them (i hope ...) funny.
take last night, for example.
since i teach public speaking, and since i also hate cell phones in class [especially texting! you fools! it's SO FUCKING obvious you're doing this, can't you tell? i can't stand this, argh.], i almost always, every class, make a point to hold up my phone at the beginning of class, turn it on "silent" and ask the class to do the same. i make the same lame joke every time that i prefer 'silent' over 'off' so i can see my missed calls because i'm so popular and i get so many calls, blah blah blah which is a BIG joke because i am really a loser and mention this and really never get any calls. whatever.
except in last night's class i forget to do this.
and OF COURSE THE ONE TIME I FORGET MY PHONE RINGS. IN CLASS:
ring. ring.
me: oh holy crap! i can't believe i left my phone on! i'm such a hypocrite. quick, everyone, turn your phones off! i'm so sorry!!
class: [laughing and laughing.]
kids in class: who is it? see who it is!
me: darn [i try REALLY hard not to swear in class], it's my dad. i'm such a dork. no one calls me except my parents. i'm so lame.
class: [laughs] answer it!
me: in class? are you kidding? we're doing important work!!
smart-aleck-funny-kid: i'll answer it, quick, pass it to me!
me: uh ... ok, here, press the green button.
kid: hello? [he has a deep voice. the class is trying SO HARD to contain their giggles. it is actually, quite hysterical.]
kid again: this is her student. [smiles] we're actually in her class right now.
[snorts from around the room. everyone is straining to hear every word.]
kid again: no, no, it's OK. no problem, i'll tell her. you have a good night, too. good bye. [hangs up.]
me: what did he say??
[class is CRACKING UP, btw.]
kid: [hands phone back to me.] he said he'd call you back later.
me: oh, OK. thanks.
kid: sure. anytime.
and that, people, is a "teachable moment," except i'm still working on WHAT exactly was "taught," except recovering from embarrassment through humor, maybe? it seemed MUCH longer in class, so i'm probably leaving something out ... god, but it was really funny. i should've put my dad on speaker phone, damn. maybe next time ...
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