... before it's too late, i need to mention this other side effect to my new medication. in my excitement over finding a pill that strips me both of migraines and extra pounds, i neglected to mention this other, potentially less-awesome side effect.i need to articulate this other side effect before i lose that very capacity ... you see, the neurologists did suggest that in my "line of work" (i.e., teaching public speaking to college students), it might be a little awkward when I LOSE THE ABILITY TO RECALL WORDS.
ahem. yes, apparently this is a commonplace occurrence for people taking topamax, and what happens is that you'll just be talking (or writing? or blogging???) and then the most everyday language will escape you and as one user wrote on a topamax message board, you suffer an "attack of the stupids." since this happens to me a lot anyway, i bet most people won't even notice. i'm often fumbling for the simplest of words, and when students helpfully "fill in the blank" for me, it becomes A LEARNING EXPERIENCE. (hi people, ever heard of teaching??)
my dad made me read flowers for algernon when i was a kid. and then, no shit, (i don't think he was being ironic on purpose, really) he forgot a couple years later and made me read it again. for those of you whose parents didn't force literature down your throats growing up, it's a sad/weird story of a mentally-challenged janitor (at a bakery, wikipedia reminds me. which also reminds me how even as a child, i thought that if i had to be a janitor anywhere, i'd want to be one at a bakery. christ. the fresh donut smell ...) who starts in this experiment where scientists make him smarter. soon, he's brilliant. then, (awakenings very much? [but that was a true one, ugh.]), crushingly, the treatment wanes and stops working altogether, and charlie (the guy) reverts back to being mentally-challenged.
the tough part (see, i didn't major in english all those years ago FOR NOTHING) i suppose, is that charlie knows he's going to get less smart again before it happens to him. he knows it's going to happen, can see it happening at first, and then pretty soon he's back to spelling his name 'charly' again, as evidenced by the movie poster on the '70s book cover i recall best from my youth. (except with a backwards 'R,' which i can't figure out how to do. OMG? is it starting for me already???)
so, there was my disclaimer. hopefully this won't be too debilitating, as i'm also currently job hunting at the moment, and it would be a real shame to be in an interview and have them ask me about my teaching philosophy and i say something like, "a teaching idea ... yes, i have one. of. these ... but mine is about ... goodness. uh, you know ..." (maybe i should make myself flash cards with words like "social constructionism" and "bel hooks" and "service learning component" and "portfolio-based assessment" on them in case i get an attack of the "stupids" at a critical moment).
and now. that's the end of me talking about the new pills! honestly. i'm sorry i went on with the migraines and stuff as long as i did these last two posts, damn. i've always been slightly irritated by people who wear their ailments/issue like badges of pride, boasting about their depression, their ADD, their dyslexia. while certainly no one should be embarrassed by these things, ever, (period), it makes a person seem weirdly vain when they go on and on about a condition of theirs.
but, probably most of you think this about me already, so no harm done here. (if i can get them to give me my own photo of my brain MRI at the hospital this morning, you'll get to see it here tomorrow!)
No comments:
Post a Comment