belated rant post (long, sorry!)

ok, disclaimer: i have been known to talk in movies. [insert snorting from friends.] that said, since I HATE TALKING IN MOVIES, i do in nearly inaudible whispers, leaning in SO ONLY THE PERSON I'M TALKING TO can hear me. this makes sense, right? no one else needs to hear my editorializing.

now: as some of you know, i LOVED the movie juno and saw it twice, the second time last weekend here in The South. i was partial to this movie for 100 reasons, one of them being that the main character and her friend reminded me all-too-well of how my friends and i were in high school (except juno and her BFF were startlingly wittier and cooler than we were -- those two chicks were pretty much what my h.s. friends aspired to be in mpls: we were into freaky shit. we were wildly profane. we listened to "alternative" music (when it WAS). we skipped classes and did weird, artsy things. we wore thrift store clothes and vans and chuck taylors. we had weird families. we made stupid movies and one of us (not me!) got pregnant and kept the baby ...)

so, i was getting a little annoyed during my second, dixie-screening of juno when the row of freaky-goody-goodies behind us wouldn't FUCKING SHUT UP. mostly it annoyed me because they giggled and whispered during the most serious scenes, the ones that made me cry. the ones where the audience was supposed to be in a collective hush, awed by the cinema's ability to make our hearts be still, our breathing stop momentarily ... and then a snort/chortle/loud-whisper from my peanut gallery. aaaaarrrrgghhhh.

at first i ignored them, as is my (usual) non-confrontational way.

then, i got TOO PISSY! i actually turned around sharply once (or TWICE!) to glare. this shut them up momentarily.

however, during the end of the movie, and during what are admittedly the film's most evocative, most powerful scenes (thereby marking the permanent shift [it had been gradual until then] from lighthearted comedy to serious drama), where i was bawling, i heard the whispering and snickering A-FUCKING-GAIN.

couldn't believe it. obviously, they were young, immature, couldn't handle the emotional impact of the film, blah blah blah. whatever. i debated pouring my diet coke on them i was so ticked.

instead, without even looking at them, i just gave them the finger. i held it there a bit, to make sure they all saw it. they did. they got quiet. they stayed quiet until the movie was over. if one of them talked, a girl somewhere nearby shushed them. it was SO NICE. :) like a movie should be.

CRAZY PART I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE WENT ON TO HAPPEN:
leaving the theater, there was a young (h.s.? college?) girl standing alone, looking around. i thought, "uh oh, it was one of them. she's going to apologize for the talking during the movie. now i feel bad i flipped them off. i'm such an asshole. i never do stuff like that -- what came over me??"

uhm ... no. not really at all.

girl to me: "excuse me, can i talk to you?" [but imagine with a heavy southern twang. every day i live here i get more and more prejudiced against the south, it's so funny. before i lived here i really loved it.]

me: "yes?"

girl: "i just wanted to let you know that i thought what you did there in the theater was totally inappropriate."

me: [shock and disbelief. what has the fucking world come to? why is she SAYING THIS TO ME? SHE AND HER FRIENDS WERE THE RUDE ONES.] "are you kidding? you guys were being so obnoxious, talking during the whole movie."

girl: "well, it wasn't me so much as my friends, but still, you had no right to do that, to do that obscene gesture. it was very rude."

me: [what the hell did she think of juno then? they said "fuck" all the time in that movie. what is wrong with these young people??? i wanted to say "go fuck yourself, i had every right to flip you off you ignorant bitch," i really did. instead:] "giving someone the finger is WAY LESS RUDE than talking during an entire movie, i'm sorry. you're being ridiculous." [and instead of being charmingly patronizing or something, i was actually VERY angry.]

girl: [flustered, i think she could tell I WAS SO PISSED I MIGHT TAKE MY MIDDLE FINGERS AND BREAK HER LITTLE 80 LB BODY IN HALF] "well, uh, i'm sorry ... but it was uncalled for..."

[here was where i was already walking away, out the door, ignoring her.] my friend, g, was trying valiantly to contain his laughter, i learned. apparently, he thought i merely held up a "please be quiet" sort of hand during the movie. he didn't know i gave them the finger until the end of this exchange, and thought that was HILARIOUS.

mrah. it is funny in retrospect. bastard righteous kids. i have no respect for adolescents who didn't make some attempt to ... fight the system in h.s. ... churchy kids, boring kids who followed the rules, who didn't do anything wild or dangerous or didn't read freaky books and didn't feel tortured by The Man, whatever -- they got on my nerves, and they still do, apparently. i guess we all have our High Horses we ride about some things. being weird is one of mine (even though i learned over the years, it's much, much more fun to disguise it most of the time).