dear stomach, small intestine, and colon:
OK, i "get it." i should not have left that half of vegetarian sandwich (which i added turkey to) in the warm/hot car for four hours friday night before i refrigerated it. i should then not have proceeded to eat this half-sandwich for a late lunch saturday. i know, the avocado was brown and the other fixings didn't look their best anymore, but it tasted FINE, OK?
well, "my bad." you really let me have it all day yesterday, didn't you? starting at around 5 a.m. with the severe cramping, and then the NEVERENDING diarrhea, and then the violent projectile vomiting? yes, thanks, i learned my lesson. i didn't get to grade hardly anything between all the running to the bathroom and the near-fainting, the horrible sweating and multiple naps i had to take because i couldn't hardly stand up. at least i didn't have a headache!
and you almost fooled me! you crazy intestinal tract, you! lol. yes, when i was finally able to keep down gatorade and coffee and some food around 5 p.m. yesterday, i honestly thought WE WERE ALL DONE with this ugly chapter. sure, the food was sitting like a rock in my stomach but so what? IT WAS STAYING PUT.
and now. monday morning. in 35 minutes i have to go have office hours and start all the grading i should've gotten done yesterday. but YOU'RE NOT DONE YET??? WTF, colon? i'm keeping my coffee down, but this stuff going on down in your nether-region?? please CUT THIS SHIT OUT, jesus. i really don't have time to run to the toilet this much. and while i appreciate it you're maybe helping me lose a pound or two (or five, christ), this is just UNACCEPTABLE.
so, again, i just wanted to make sure you knew that i did learn my lesson about proper food temperature/storage, but also that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH already. i really don't want to be too graphic here, but crapping water for more than 24 hours is PLENTY.
please cease and desist this whole "food poisoning" production effective immediately.
yours sincerely,
:) sylvia
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2 comments:
Girlfriend, stay off the coffee and dairy! Think saltines, sprite, ginger ale, etc. for recovering after that horrible episode. Poor intestinal tract can't handle caffeine and acidic stuff:( Get well soon Sylvia's intestinal tract!
man alive sylvie, what the hell were you thinking? have things gotten that bad? was there really nothing else to eat? i feel for you. jergen got crazy sick like that once - when we lived in CHINA. yeah, nothing like that's ever happened to us while living in the states because we usually try to avoid eating foods that have been sitting in hot cars for hours and especially avocado that has browned like that.
sorry sweetie. i still love you. you just need to learn to be better to your body, cook for yourself once in a while. :-) i say this as i'm in full nesting mode, making oatmeal raisin cookies, meatloaf "muffins" and turkey burgers. what?! it all freezes well.
love you!
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