carpe lucis

at last.

2009-01-20T19:55:00.009-05:00

the 44th PRESIDENT of the united states of america.

india!

2009-01-19T10:07:00.003-05:00

Hello All,

I meant to post this link to my flickr album of India photos awhile ago, and I guess I needed a long weekend to get it done. (Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day!)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/54728603@N00/sets/72157611603856484/

Enjoy the album when you have time, and please keep me updated with your own travels and photos, your own experiences that shape your life these days. I'm not always quick to reply (as many of you know), but I will get back to everyone as soon as I can.

All my wishes for a hopeful, joy-filled, and certainly a more peaceful, 2009.
:) sylvia.

I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality ... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr.

When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible but in the end, they always fall -- think of it, ALWAYS.
-- Mahatma Gandhi

quick post before july ends ... (oh crap)

2008-08-01T11:36:00.004-04:00

dear blog,

i hate to have to put it like this, but it's true: i'm just not that into you. right now! i mean -- things could always change! we could always ... i don't know, someday ... no, it's not you, seriously! i promise. no! i swear -- you've been nothing but sweet, nice, helpful, definitely supportive when i needed you ... but, i just think we need to take a little break.

what? well, you're right about that. yeah, we kind of have been on a break for the last two months already, i KNOW. trust me, i heard about how much i SUCK FOR DOING THAT from a lot of people, ok? yes, i'm a jerk. if it makes you feel better to think that, then fine: i'm the asshole here.

whatever, blog. but please know that for what it's worth, i really loved you for a while there. i know, that sounds trite and it is -- but it's also the truth: you comforted me with your company when i needed it, and more importantly, you helped me write when i wasn't writing ANYTHING (nada). so, i am indebted. (and i'm puking a little in my mouth at the cheesiness on display here ... i don't really know what is wrong with me right now, good god).

really? i can visit every now and then? that's cool. i might. right now i'm just going to not worry about it, though, if that's all right. i'm just very busy with my ... living. my breathing. my reading. my being here right now. i'm writing on paper again these days. mostly outside. it's pretty sweet, actually.

well, thanks for the memories, and i promise i'll see you again before you know it, ok doll? don't look at me like that, please. this doesn't mean forever. just a little break. i need my space is all.

love, yours always,
:) s.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo!

p.s. check out my favorite new music:
new mason jennings album called "IN THE EVER" - i love it all so so much, mmmm ... HE RECORDED THE WHOLE THING IN A MINNESOTA CABIN. he has a new all-inclusive spiritual bent. i love this man. (the album name comes from where his son says he came from before he was born, "ya know dad, when i was in the Ever?")

ben sollee album = "learning to bend" - DUDE PLAYS THE CELLO. HOW SWEET IS THAT?? see tracks "it's not impossible," "prettiest tree on the mountain," and "built for this."

cloud cult album "feel good ghosts" - minnesota band; v. weird, and v. wonderful at times ... i like "journey of the featherless" and "when water comes to life," among others.

p.p.s. you must go read my incredible step-mom's new blog about her life in india!! it's amazing and she is amazing and she inspires me daily. we all must go more places ... if we can. i am trying.

nothingness and everythingness

2008-06-30T19:57:00.003-04:00

to my dear, wonderful NINE (holy crap, where did you all come from??) readers:

i'm truly VERY sorry i haven't posted anything for weeks and weeks. i'm so flattered anyone cared about this blog ... i do know how much i like reading other people's (everyone! go start blogs!) stuff and seeing their pictures and hearing about their lives. it may have seemed like i dropped off the planet. i did and i didn't. mostly i just wasn't on a computer for a long time. like, hardly ever. and i didn't want to be near one. i was really enjoying my break from technology.

so much has happened in the last six weeks, and so little has actually BEEN DONE, that i don't really know where to start. i'm just going to spit it all out because (as i mentioned) i don't believe i'll be on this computer for long:

i started reading about reincarnation and i started thinking about what lessons our friends and family and significant others teach us and i started meditating on this and thinking something was changing inside me right then and it was. so i started reading these transformational books about mindfulness, being present in the moment, losing your ego and negating emotional reactions, finding your source, leaving materialism behind, channeling energy, embracing nothingness and so on. i also have been reading a lot of fiction (for fun). the waitressing job didn't work out (long story), but that was actually very lucky because i got to do nothing for weeks except look for a temp job and meanwhile read, meditate, try and lose my ego (like i said already, i know, but this is ENDLESS of course, esp for me) and so on. i also have a great tan. (KIDDING! but really. i do).

result: irreversible perspective shift! omg! i have never been happier or more focused in my life, i think. it's the Oneness.

it's a little unsettling, to be quite honest. to be so content. to smile so much, so randomly. to also be so increasingly cognizant of my own reactions and thoughts ... the closest thing i can compare it to is to that euphoria that comes when you're falling in love -- but that is more like a drug, and this is definitely more peaceful, more relaxed ... yes: supreme contentedness is the only way to describe it. (and it's not always there! i have moments when i lose it ... but that's for another post).

just so you know, i'm still me! i'm not a new age nutcase, really. i'm still sarcastic, too judgmental, a little sharp sometimes when i don't mean to be, and i still smoke too many cigarettes and drink WAY too much coffee and diet coke.

i just was so unhappy for so long with my life. i hardly realized that until ... now. with everything. from where i was living to my income to my lack of a partner and children to just about EVERYTHING. and this shift now to appreciating things, and myself, it didn't happen overnight ... it was a process here. it was an awakening i sensed before i could articulate (and i'm doing a damned shitty job here, whoa), and so that's where i am now: working on continuing the awakening. that's all it is. just a beginning.

there's a lot of work for me here ... i don't want to make this blog become an annoying new age meditation blog (holy christ i can't think of a more boring, insipid blog), so i'll just leave it at this and update with other news and stuff, right??? because ...

i have a temp job (i'm on week two) in an office at the U of MN in the medical academic offices: department of integrative biology and physiology. that's a mouthful when i answer the phone, because i also then include, "this is sylvia" at the end, so it kind of always strikes me as funny and i think i laugh out loud every time i answer the phone. fortunately, the phone almost never rings. it's a nice job. half admin/secretary work, half me-transferring grants for a new dept chair (something i've never done before but seems VERY complicated/nightmarish). the U campus is beautiful and a nice blend of urban-college, so i sit outside every day for lunch and read and meditate and this is incredibly lovely.

ok. that's it for june. i'll try and do better for july. i've been finding some great new music ... maybe i'll post that soon.

have i mentioned i have the most wonderful family in the entire universe? and how much i miss my friends? i feel like i radiate love these days ... it's all i feel.

hail the size of ...

2008-06-06T11:18:00.004-04:00

whoa. what happened to my blogging life?? it's like i disappeared from blogland. scary. i'm a bit disappointed in myself, honestly. i have a number of explanations for why i fell "off the grid," but i don't even have time to get into them here.

because this post, in fact, is just a filler.

to say: I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN POSTING.

and: I WILL DO MORE POSTING SOON (I PROMISE. SERIOUSLY).

[just not now, unfortunately. rest assured, everything will be explained in good time.]

waiting ...

2008-05-20T08:33:00.003-04:00

it's amazing what happens when you wake up and you don't immediately get to get on your computer with your coffee and your cigarettes. whole days go by where you don't check the 50,000 websites you used to check compulsively EVERY SINGLE DAY. you don't email friends back very well (not that you did to begin with [sigh]), and you REALLY SLACK ON THE BLOGGING FRONT. i kind of miss my old routine. but i sort of like my new, liberating one, too: i read the newspaper outside, i read more books, and i just PONDER more.

as it turned out, i got a waitressing job at the first place i went to that was hiring, and it was a SUPER HIGH-END FANCY-SCHMANCY NEW restaurant in downtown minneapolis, which is exactly what i was looking for. i got the job two days after my last post, and started training last night. this means i follow another server around like a lost puppy for about four shifts, then i "expo" (in my day we just called it "food running") for a night, take a freaking TEST, and then voila! I'M A WAITRESS. (again).

ok, i've got to run to get ready to leave. i have to be there at 10:15 to trail after my dude again for a lunch shift today. i will have to come up with some awesome waitressing stories for you before my next post. in the meantime, i'm learning more about steak, etc., than you ever would've thought possible.

[btw: the cat came back (just like the song), and the beagle is still troublesome but we've patched the holes in the fence ... mostly. now if we could just stop her from barking, good god. that howl-bark haunts my dreams.]

coming to you from the land of (+/-16,000) lakes!

2008-05-13T12:18:00.002-04:00

here i am in minnesota, at my folks' house, still breathing. the pets made the 20-hour-straight car trip and although one cat has gone AWOL, everyone seems to be adjusting pretty well. they say the leaves will be on the trees soon ...

(OK, except for that damn missing cat. and the beagle. first the stupid cat went up a tree for 24 hours, then after i talked her down [not unlike a hostage negotiation in many respects] she just ran off again and i haven't seen her since. she's not a very good cat, honestly. well, and there's the issue of my annoying beagle, lulu, who, although bigger than one of my parents' dogs, has somehow managed to find a hole in their fence she can fit through ... so this is INCREDIBLY TIRESOME and now she is on extendable leash #2 [#1 already broke ...] attached to a clothes line in the yard when she goes outside, until we can figure out where she's escaping from ... SIGH).

today i enjoyed what i'm henceforth referring to as "the zen of pool skimming." my parents are a little crazy and disorganized and their unique method of dealing with their beautiful in-ground pool every year is to ... do nothing and let fall and winter take their toll. so, spring rolls around and the pool is a deep brown swamp filled with leaves and god-knows-what-else. charming. and yet every time summer rolls around it's crystal clear and beautiful and none-too-chlorinated (ugh). so, lots and lots of skimming with a little net attached to an incredibly long pole. it was sunny and warm (gasp! actually won't stay that way sayeth the weather forecast ...) late morning today and i made slow (VERY SLOW -- it's an ART FORM) laps around the pool. i loved it. i breathed my mantra i'm WORKING VERY HARD ON THIS SUMMER (RIGHT NOW):

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way. - Tao Te Ching

today i take my new, super dumbed-down "resume" (used to be a CV [sniff]; now it has BULLETS) to five restaurants in downtown minneapolis. two of them on the phone said yesterday they were hiring. i find myself looking forward to waitressing ... oddly happy about it all. i'll let you know ...

south carolina everyone: i miss you. i feel so far away. anyone is welcome to come visit, anytime. they PROMISE the leaves will be here soon ...

patiently waiting ...

2008-05-08T08:35:00.006-04:00

i've been waiting and waiting and waiting until my glorious cousin alison posted on her own blog about her BRAND-NEW BABY BORN LAST WEEK, 4/30: TALLACK RICHARD OASE (6.3 oz, 20 1/4"), and then i finally talked to her today and she said i didn't need to wait!!! well, i clearly don't know the blogging protocol here (ack!), but i was freaked about putting pictures up before she did. (anyhoo, she did finally get to check her email and post last night, so any reservations i had ARE GONE).

between alison and her lovely twin bridget (see my houston post about visiting them last fall), i have had so many INCREDIBLE PICTURES to choose from to post here. (tallack is seriously one of the cutest babies i've ever seen -- those LIPS! he totally has his mother's scarlet johanssen lips.) my favorite pics were these ones of his mother right after he's born where she's crying with happiness (and in the pic here her husband jergen has tears in his eyes, too!) ... made me cry with happiness. [sniff!] oh! babies! new lives! new everythings! (see my old post about this crazy-baby-love i have) ... i'm already so excited to see tal this summer and kiss him all over and snuggle him and eat his toes and rock him and burp him ...

CONGRATULATIONS, SWEET COUSIN! i'm full of awe and impressed beyond belief! you DID IT.

on loving

2008-05-06T10:58:00.004-04:00

i ran across mildred loving's death yesterday, but didn't read the statement by mrs. loving until today, and it literally brought tears to my eyes. mildred and her husband, richard, changed history when they challenged (and successfully overturned!) the supreme court's ban on interracial marriage in 1967.

PLEASE read mildred's statement "loving for all" if you have time. it is heartwarming and uplifting, and she wrote it last year on the 40th anniversary of the supreme court's ruling in her favor.

mrs. sophia

2008-05-06T07:15:00.006-04:00

there's SO MUCH i want to tell you about the crackpot/wonderful mrs. sophia, but i'm in kind of a time crunch (see previous post), so i will sum up:

she asked to see my palms, then told me to make two wishes. i did. then she said i had to tell her one of them. i did (it was "i want to have kids"). she barely glanced at my palms and then went into what clearly sounded like a schtick speech about how i she could see i had a long life line and i was a kind- (and "tender"??) hearted person who was very generous, very loving, but that i also wasn't afraid to speak my mind and tell people "like it is." hmmm ... OK.

then she did what appeared to be a series of pronouncements that were very vague, like "you're confused about love," which is sort of true (as in: i don't have any), and said she could tell someone loved me very much but had a bad way of showing it. another of her pronouncements was, "i can sense you're upset with something in your home. there's something wrong with your home right now." i explained that yes, that was true ... because i didn't have a home (etc.). this seemed to confirm her suspicions, and she said not to worry it wouldn't be this way for long.

bomb 1: then she said i would have four children. i honestly have no idea where this came from. how does she know i want a houseful of kids? (i mean, i said i wanted kids as one of my wishes, but where did she come up with four? i've always said i wanted 4-5 kids. which is kind of unusual -- how did she KNOW??? and more importantly: this will happen?? HALLELUJAH!). she said i would have two girls and two boys.

[BTW: mrs. sophia essentially stopped looking at my palms after the first minute or so. i got the distinct impression the "palm reading" was just a front for her ... psychic-ness. she has three adult children and told me later while we were just talking that she can't "read" for them. that it's a bad idea and she can't seem to do it anyway, because she's too close to them. so although at the beginning of my "reading" i thought she was a hack, by the end she seemed pretty psychic.]

bomb 2: she said i would meet someone sooner than i was expecting, she thinks very soon -- within the next month, even. (holy shit). i said i was going to minnesota and didn't want to meet anyone there because i don't want to live there. she shrugged, smiling, and said, "you might not live there." she was pretty insistent on this point, actually, and said i should call her (it's not a 1-900 #, in case you're wondering) if it wasn't true. she said i would be surprised.

funny thing: mrs. sophia said everything was going to be just fine for me, that everything i'm worried about now would work out. she saw a good life for me, and that i would be happy. she really stressed this; that what i'm going through right now is just temporary and not to worry.

i can't explain why this comforts me. why this comforts me more coming from a semi-legit psychic than from my family and friends. (i think it's like my students say, "don't get your best friend to watch you practice your speech because they always tell you it's great even if it isn't").

[in case you're curious, my friend who went with me and got her reading before me had some similar pronouncements about her character, but mrs. sophia accurately guessed my friend did sales (true!), and that her calling was to do counseling/teaching (which my friend has wanted to do for years). my friend also got told she would only have two kids, which unbeknownest (or was it???) to mrs. sophia, is exactly how many she wants. she also could tell my friend had come out of a long relationship and had just entered a new one.]

so, all in all, it was a good experience. VERY COMFORTING. i don't know yet if she's a hack. i'll let you know if i meet someone in the next month or so, lol. and if he wants to jump into baby-making, which, considering that i'm 30, means if i'm going to have my four kids, i better start soon.

t-minus five ...

2008-05-05T06:24:00.005-04:00

five days left in south carolina.

five days left to pack up my house and put 99% of it in a storage unit (which i finally got, btw, from a crazy man who rides a motorcycle with his dog elsa on the front. he also rents elsa out as a "therapy dog" he mentioned to me. twice. i told him thanks, but i get enough therapy from my own dogs).

last night i finally started packing. and to my surprise, it went incredibly slower than i expected, which was scary. i have 10 SMALL BOXES OF BOOKS. i don't even have that many books, really, as i moved here with like, a dozen total. jesus. mainly i moved things around from one pile to another place, mumbling to myself about whether i should throw it away, take it to the thrift store, or keep it. (battery charger for AA batteries? keep. old headphones i never use that are half-broken? toss. 20 tall candles??? basket of office supplies that has been generally ignored for the last two years?? saran wrap????)

hopefully this is not how it will go for the rest of the packing ...

but i'm in such a weird situation. i'm not moving to another house. i'm living with my parents for the summer and taking just the bare necessities (clothes, bathroom stuff -- dogs!), and then everything else goes to storage for god only knows ... because ...

MY (STEP) MOM JUST GOT A TEACHING JOB IN INDIA FOR THE NEXT TWO YEARS!!

and she's going to make loads of money and it sounds like a wonderful job and she paid a search agency to find her a teaching abroad job and she had over 75 to choose from and i'm soooooo excited for her and maybe i should do the same thing except that's not really what i was looking to do right now with my life but i do love living in foreign countries and fuck i can't seem to find a job that pays anything good in this part of the world (on the ocean) and so i am in a total state of NOT KNOWING AND THAT IS KILLING ME.

[ahem.] fortunately today, as a brief respite from the packing, errands, etc. a girlfriend and i are going to a palm reader, so maybe this will clear some things up. (BECAUSE DID I ALSO EVER MENTION THAT I LEARNED A FEW WEEKS AGO THAT MY 'LIFE LINE' AND MY 'LOVE LINES' DO NOT INTERSECT ON EITHER OF MY TWO PALMS???? no wonder my love life is a disaster and i will never get married and have children and settle down anywhere. it's not in my destiny. but maybe i'm doing it wrong and so hopefully "mrs. sophia" can clear THIS up today, too).

i'll let you know.

i'm already missing where i am right now.

i just liked this

2008-05-02T05:21:00.002-04:00

silly and a little trite, but still charming. i love stencil graffiti. saw it at swissmiss, from STNCLRVLTN (gallery broken?).

lower approval than nixon ... after watergate

2008-05-01T22:01:00.007-04:00

first graf of this cnn story:

"A new poll suggests that President Bush is the most unpopular president in modern American history."

it goes on to say that a whopping 71% of americans disapprove of how dubya is doing as president. this is the highest disapproval rating in monthly polls since truman was president (apparently gallup did exist and was polling before truman, but not monthly).

reminded me of the stephen colbert speech at the 2006 white house correspondents' dinner where he ripped bush a new one. [from back when bush's disapproval rating was at a stellar 68%]:

Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32 percent approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in 'reality'. And reality has a well-known liberal bias. ... Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half-empty, because 32% means it's two-thirds empty. There's still some liquid in that glass, is my point. But I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash.

the democratic race in 7 minutes

2008-05-01T08:24:00.002-04:00

meh. in case you couldn't tell, i stopped posting about all of my man obama's wins/losses in this primary season. CAMPAIGN FATIGUE a little much? when will it end, lord??? christ. and now his national lead is slipping???? wtf, my man? i need something new and vibrant and refreshing here from you. let's not see hillary take this one just because she wins at mud-slinging and with stamina (we know the woman HAS THIS if she has remained married to bill for so long).

anyhoodle, in case you wanted a very funny, charming recap of what the democratic primary race has been like, slate did a cute, watchable (and speedy!) video of it all. [was i the last person to know that aragorn was a kucinich supporter?? lol. i love the mike gravel "footage," too ... cracked me up.]

open letter to my intestinal tract

2008-04-28T06:48:00.003-04:00

dear stomach, small intestine, and colon:

OK, i "get it." i should not have left that half of vegetarian sandwich (which i added turkey to) in the warm/hot car for four hours friday night before i refrigerated it. i should then not have proceeded to eat this half-sandwich for a late lunch saturday. i know, the avocado was brown and the other fixings didn't look their best anymore, but it tasted FINE, OK?

well, "my bad." you really let me have it all day yesterday, didn't you? starting at around 5 a.m. with the severe cramping, and then the NEVERENDING diarrhea, and then the violent projectile vomiting? yes, thanks, i learned my lesson. i didn't get to grade hardly anything between all the running to the bathroom and the near-fainting, the horrible sweating and multiple naps i had to take because i couldn't hardly stand up. at least i didn't have a headache!

and you almost fooled me! you crazy intestinal tract, you! lol. yes, when i was finally able to keep down gatorade and coffee and some food around 5 p.m. yesterday, i honestly thought WE WERE ALL DONE with this ugly chapter. sure, the food was sitting like a rock in my stomach but so what? IT WAS STAYING PUT.

and now. monday morning. in 35 minutes i have to go have office hours and start all the grading i should've gotten done yesterday. but YOU'RE NOT DONE YET??? WTF, colon? i'm keeping my coffee down, but this stuff going on down in your nether-region?? please CUT THIS SHIT OUT, jesus. i really don't have time to run to the toilet this much. and while i appreciate it you're maybe helping me lose a pound or two (or five, christ), this is just UNACCEPTABLE.

so, again, i just wanted to make sure you knew that i did learn my lesson about proper food temperature/storage, but also that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH already. i really don't want to be too graphic here, but crapping water for more than 24 hours is PLENTY.

please cease and desist this whole "food poisoning" production effective immediately.

yours sincerely,
:) sylvia

anti-climax

2008-04-25T07:40:00.003-04:00

so last night i taught my last class of the year, my last class at this university. i ordered pizzas for the students who showed up and we listened to (again) lots of persuasive speeches on such wildly varying topics as "why you should wash your hands more often" (totally freaked us all out and [shudder] behind her on a screen was a slideshow of images that included, among other things, a freeze-frame of a sneeze, and weird black-light-esque pics of hands covered in bacteria), "why the blue laws should be abolished," and "why the BCS should switch to a playoffs system." i didn't tell them it was my last class at this school. this was a nice class, but not a very sentimental one on the whole.

what's odd is that i wasn't sad or even giddy or even ANYTHING. i suppose a psychologist might say i had kind of a "flat affect" about the whole last week, the whole last class. i mean, i did have emotion (i smiled, nodded during the speeches, etc) ... but i just didn't seem to care. which is sad in itself. maybe it's the stress right now. too many other things to think about?

well. there are those few other things. like finding a storage unit, come to think about, if this is still even possible at this late date ... in fact, i better go, get to this now ...

[see?? see how it's like i can't even be nostalgic? SO ODD for me. i'm also a bit sick of all of them, the students, to be honest. not that i don't love them. i do. but their emails! my GOD. their emails make me insane with their stupid questions i've answered and addressed 7,000 times already in class and if i get one more email asking about how to do this last assignment or where the speech lab is, i might snap.]

in a totally unrelated jump ...

this is a riot: scientists say menstrual blood can repair hearts. this is SUCH GREAT NEWS. to think of all of the precious heart-repairing blood though, that i waste each month. (and in my case, it's too bad it does nothing for the figuratively damaged/broken heart ...) how hilarious would it be if women [cough. me?] started saving their own menstrual blood in their freezers for the possibility it might be useful in the future??? THINK OF WHAT THIS FREEZER WOULD LOOK LIKE, AND IF SOME GUEST WAS OVER AND WENT TO GET AN ICE CUBE FOR A COCKTAIL. what if this guest was a guy you were on a date with????? i love it. the guy's freezer from hell.

To Do List

2008-04-21T05:47:00.003-04:00

1. finish grading and hand back 1.3 million papers (because this is last week i see my students. next week is finals and there are no classes--my students don't have a final with me).

2. write the final version of this stupid curriculum stuff i said i would do (and am doing with a colleague; a colleague who, btw, has canceled all her classes this week ...) for the department. for a stipend. half of which, due to some asinine tax law, gets lost before it gets to my paycheck. this needs to be done by wednesday or so. lol.

3. continue to watch, and then grade, the 150 student speeches that started last week and go through this week. and we had so many disasters, sick people, etc. that were scheduled to go last week but then had to push back to this, the LAST POSSIBLE WEEK TO DELIVER YOUR SPEECH, that each class is going to TAKE FOREVER. (i joke with them, "i can sit here all night watching you give speeches. you guys know i have no life." which is [cough] true. but it doesn't mean i'm not insanely busy. i don't tell them that part.)

4. then, in less than two weeks, review and submit final grades for my 150 students. my stomach knots just thinking about this.

5. find a mini-storage unit in my town for my belongings. i decided not to take anything except clothes and pets up north for summer because even though GOD KNOWS I WILL NEVER LIVE IN THIS PART OF THE STATE (this little town devoid of all art and culture) AGAIN, there's no point in dragging it up north, and then dragging it back again to whatever respective warm teaching position i find. (i'm looking for something on the ocean without 9 months of winter each year. minnesota loses in both these vital categories).

6. speaking of which, and this really should be #1 on list: FIND A GODDAMN JOB FOR THE FALL. no, i haven't heard anything back (anything good anyway) from anywhere. no, i don't know what i'm doing. no, i don't even have any good "leads" at the moment. SIGH. please don't ask me about this. i'll let you know if i hear anything, i promise. i'm applying and searching for things all time. i get my hopes up ALL THE TIME. for nothing, apparently. it gets increasingly depressing.

7. pack up entire house. hahahahaha. i'm only living here for less than three weeks now. have i started packing things? do i even have A BOX??? are you kidding me?? i did, i should add here, buy packing tape at the grocery store last night. this is a start. maybe i'm in denial. maybe i'm stressed and busy beyond measure. maybe i ... just need to get some freaking boxes.

8. find a sub-leaser. so i don't have to pay june and july rent. because i'm breaking my lease. fuck.

9. [insert here all the million other things, such as getting dogs and cats their flea treatments, taking care of parking tickets, taking care of terminating HR stuff, having meetings and more meetings, figuring out the morass of healthcare "this is not a bill" bills piling up from my two freaking neurologist visits, changing addresses, seeing about getting prescription pills for summer, seeing my dear friends before i leave this state ... sigh.]

10. oh yeah: find a job in minnesota for the summer. i really don't want to be a temp again. i'd rather waitress full-time or eat broken glass shards than be a temporary secretary 40 hours a week, because that might really put me over the edge. (i think i'm standing there right now anyway, peering over and debating).

so, i'm not going to be posting for awhile. my cousin bridget sent me this hilarious video yesterday (below) and if you either a) know any engineers, and/or b) know any cats, you will laugh your ass off. now i'm going to go have a small nervous breakdown and then get started on my list.

an engineer's guide to cats

my ovaries cry themselves to sleep

2008-04-15T07:33:00.007-04:00

"Delaying pregnancy can carry consequences." not a news flash BY ANY MEANS, SO THANKS FOR REMINDING ME, CNN, FOR THE GAZILLIONTH TIME, that for whatever unholy reason (am i one of obama's "bitter" ones? maybe. but i don't cling to guns or religion. i don't feel bitter about MOST things) i am unable to find a mate willing to procreate with me.

like I WANT TO FREAKING DELAY A PREGNANCY, cnn. shit. i am five minutes away from robbing a sperm bank at butter-knife-point. in case you don't believe me, see my pathetic litany of posts on this subject here, here, here, here and here for christ's sake. (SIGH) ... I HAVE KNOWN ABOUT THE "CONSEQUENCES" of waiting too long since i was 20 and was just trying to be nice and responsible and possibly be married (stupid in retrospect -- i totally should've just lied to someone and said i was on The Pill. hindsight!)]

also, there is this DIRE WARNING from the movie idiocracy about WAITING TOO LONG to get pregnant (watch clip below here!). the movie itself was so-so, but the premise was hilarious: due to the over-procreation of dumb people, the world evolves into a super-idiocracy in the future (where people just watch stupid gross-out reality TV and springer-esque talkshows, masturbating all day long; their crops have all failed because they forgot how agriculture works [they were watering them with a powerade-type drink, lol]).

well, at least i have some cool, smart friends and family doing their part. i would love to be a foster parent or adopt, without a doubt! and i heard that women who (miraculously) do manage to conceive an older ages have longer life expectancies, so that's good ... i'm trying to be positive here, see? see me trying to be positive???

"when i am rich ..."

2008-04-13T22:34:00.011-04:00

"when i am rich" ... well, this is a stupid thought. but it's entertaining, isn't it? it involves many "I WILL CERTAINLY NOT"s and "i'll definitely"s. [one of of the "I WILL CERTAINLY NOT"s includes getting a full-time nanny. another one is getting an SUV, and yet another is stopping buying the majority of my clothes and/or furniture from thrift stores and garage sales. oh, i have a long list of how i will be a tasteful, down-to-earth, bohemian rich person, lol. pottery barn and the like can go screw themselves. (if i see one more robin's-egg-and-brown combo i may projectile vomit).]

topping off the incredibly LONG LIST of "i'll definitely"s (in close proximity to making giant financial contributions to ALL my favorite global and local causes, AND paying someone to hold my ashtray on his head, duh) is BUYING COOL ART I FALL IN LOVE WITH AT FIRST SIGHT. oh, how.

mmm ... i hadn't been to one of my FAVORITE design sites, swissmiss, in awhile, but it has tons of awesome stuff up on it at the moment, including this artwork (below) that SUNG TO ME FOR NO APPARENT REASON. or well, for lots of very apparent (hello? i live in crazyville. bienvenidos a mi pueblo) reasons. this is the link to the artist's site, miraruido -- LOVE love love it all.

for the record ...

2008-04-11T08:13:00.002-04:00

... i'm not an atheist. but i got this link from a friend and it's still pretty damn funny:

"Atheist Sees Image of Big Bang in Piece of Toast"

random racism?

2008-04-08T11:29:00.002-04:00

so this just happened a few seconds ago:

[on door: KNOCK KNOCK. cue hyper dogs. fortunately one was eating in the crate and the other one (after three weeks of a barking collar, praise jesus) is much, much quieter.]

[i open door and hold back hyper/quiet dog, and see a skinny, late-20s dude with short red hair, acne, a lame goatee, khakis, and a zip-up fleece over a nice dress shirt. his white mini-van is parked up on the street. he's holding some kind of card in his hand.]

me: hello?

ginger boy [insert polite southern twang here]: hey, i'm sorry to bother you ... uh, is laqueesha here?

me: laqueesha?

ginger: yeah, does she live here?

me: no, she doesn't. sorry. [i'm struggling with dog now. he's going progressively berserk-er.]

ginger [glances at neighbor's door, connected to my house]: does she by any chance live there?

me: no, there's no one by that name living in this house. i'm sorry, i don't know her. [dog claws dig into my foot. in my head i blame ginger dude.]

ginger: ok, so no colored woman lives here?

me: . . .

[pause. did he really just say that? i look at him again. no. he's not 100 years old. WTF??]

me: uh. no.

ginger: all right then, sorry to have bothered you! thanks! bye now!

me: bye.

i would really like to editorialize here but it's all too recent ... there is SO much to do with this, i just don't know where to fucking start, my good god. i think i'll just leave it alone, let you faithful four commenters have fun ... [it's actually pretty sad.]

OMG, mcsweeney's you DID NOT!

2008-04-07T11:55:00.002-04:00

I LOVE IT!!
OTHER DANGEROUS EVENTS HILLARY CLINTON EXPERIENCED AS FIRST LADY

you know i love mcsweeney's to death. sometimes it's milk-out-your-nose hilarious and some days the entries are so-so or just not funny.

but with all the drama over hillary's giant bold-faced lie concerning her visit to tuzla, bosnia (i.e., she says she was under sniper fire and had to "run to [her] cars" when really she just walked out of the plane smiling with chelsea and hugging people like every other visit), i'm pretty surprised mcsweeney's would publish a politically-charged piece ... such an ANTI-HILLARY (ergo, PRO-OBAMA, [since god knows they can't be republican] PIECE).

love it. check it out. (the mental picture i have of her under sniper fire while noticing socks missed the litter box is priceless).

surprised much?

2008-04-07T07:30:00.006-04:00

according to this yahoo article, a study of 781 adolescents (15-18) done by the university of minnesota's school of public health found that teenagers who have their own TV in their bedrooms generally watch more TV on average than do other teens (who would've ever thought?), exercise less, eat crappier food, eat fewer meals with their families, and have lower GPAs on average.

two interesting things to note here in the findings:
1. no correlation with obesity and personal bedroom TVs
2. TVs in teen bedrooms show up more frequently in lower-income homes, and decrease in frequency as income levels go up

hmm ... those of you who know me know my thoughts about TV, and i could write a book about TV. TV isn't bad in itself. it's really not. some shows are wonderful -- educational, enlightening, hysterically funny [hello, the daily show, the office and 30 rock and there are certainly others but i haven't seen them ...] and some shows are just A REALLY GREAT FUCKING ESCAPE FROM REALITY WHEN THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING.

so, i don't hate on people who watch TV. i like TV a lot sometimes. kids can learn great things from PUBLIC TELEVISION and other neat movies and shows (in moderation). when you're a busy parent, TV can be a godsend. (when i was a nanny we watched aladdin [pieces of it] almost every single day. so they would nap, praise the lord. that's just how THOSE KIDS rolled ...)

we had sola una TV in my house in the living room growing up, and we could only watch one hour a day. seriously. this lasted until ... my parents stopped caring (oh, high school?), and by then it didn't matter because i didn't care much for TV anyway.

and something stuck, people. maybe i'm a case study? because now i'm an adult and i don't have a TV, haven't for years, and don't miss it in general. i don't take comfort in the background noise of a TV the way a lot of people do (actually, i kind of hate TV noise). i can't study around a TV on, or work when one is on. (because duh, when we watched TV when i was growing up, WE WATCHED IT, lol. since we only had an hour a day WE PAID ATTENTION when it was on).

the last couple weeks i was at a young colleague's house to have work meetings about curriculum we're designing. we met at her kitchen table, right by her living room ... and right by her giant TV. ok. except she left her TV on when we got started. and i was facing it. holy christ i was IN A STATE. i mean, the SOUND WAS ON AND UP and everything. i couldn't stop looking at it. it dawned on me there was something wrong with me if i couldn't do both these things at once. finally after i made one too many comments on the home improvement show (make your own duvet for less by buying a cheap sewing machine and two bedsheets?? WTF??? JUST BUY A DUVET, OK?), i think said colleague got my hint i couldn't multi-task and finally turned it off. thank god. and the next week it happened again, except it was her BF playing really loud video games. holy shit. i'm not kidding. she lives with that, i realize. how can people work around that??? something must be wrong with me.

[sigh.] the teenagers. i'd like to think those with TVs in their bedrooms are developing some super-hero powers of multi-tasking ability i somehow missed, but alas: SURVEY SAYS NO. they're just NOT.

but somehow i suspect the lower-income parents who put the damn TVs in their kids' rooms in the first place might not be worried if their kids are drinking mountain dew for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and aren't worried if junior's GPA gets him into college or not. these families might be too busy with other things ... if they do sit together for dinner, it's probably around another TV in the house, anyway ...

i think it matters because teenagers (bless them) know everything (clearly. if you know one this is old news: they KNOW EVERYTHING), and yet they are still children and like children they need, more than ever, to know that someone is LISTENING to them and someone values their thoughts and opinions. i think teenagers need quality time with a parent just as much as a child does, and (in my humble opinion, as usual i'm full of ideas here) a TV DOES NOT LISTEN AND DOES NOT HUG AND KISS THEM AND SAY "WOW, YOUR DAY SUCKED. TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT WHILE WE WALK THE DOG. YOU GO GRAB THE LEASH AND I'LL CHANGE MY SHOES."

LOL!

2008-04-04T07:36:00.009-04:00

i'm sitting here alone at 7:30-something a.m., literally Laughing Out Loud (not really that unusual ...) at myself, or, well ... the big white envelope sitting here next to the laptop. [now i'm really laughing. :)] because the big white A4-sized (leftover from four years ago in europe; glue was pointless so it's uh, taped closed) envelope is addressed to none other than

GEORGE CLOONEY.

no shit! LMAO!

[i guess i never mentioned my GINORMOUS crush on this man, did i??? damn you sarah larson!!]

just kidding. haha. [thank god i have enough stamps at home to take care of this in private and do not have to take my giant taped envelope addressed to GEORGE CLOONEY to the post office for weighing/stamps because i think i might die of embarrassment to see the looks i get from the PO employees as i wander in, clad in my sweater/robe/yoga pants/clogs outfit with what is clearly stalker mail, lol.]

AHEM. the envelope contains a polite card to señor clooney and a pre-addressed (also old, A4 ...) envelope ...

to my grandmother in florida.

my grandma has had a SERIOUS crush on george for a long time now. she dreams about him on a pretty regular basis (or so i assume, because every time i visit she tells me about yet another "george clooney dream"), which is of course, wonderful, dear, and absolutely hilarious to me. she has lived alone in an upscale senior apartment in florida for the last decade since my grandpa died, and ever since i first heard about these clooney dreams, years ago, i took to calling her body pillow "george." sometimes the dreams are pretty normal, like she and george (the man, not the pillow) are just making dinner at her place or something, but sometimes they're doing something more fun -- on a cruise together! (also pretty normal for my grandma, really -- or at least, it used to be. she used to "cruise" once or twice a year ... now she's less mobile and stays in more).

grandma jo's going to be 90 in june. i love her so much. i need to call her more often. i hear from my dad she's been pretty down lately. what i'm hoping is that george will find the time to address an autographed picture to her or something, and it will brighten her day. cross your fingers celebrities still do this kind of thing ...

here's a pic of us from my thanksgiving trip to visit her in 2006. [why am i sitting on her tiny lap?? i'm probably crushing her poor legs (she's shrunk to like, 4'10" now) and she's only smiling because she's thinking of george and how any minute now my fat ass will get off of her.]:

unrelated gripe ...

2008-04-01T13:22:00.003-04:00

from GIANT NIGHTMARE WAR IN IRAQ to whining about college students ... quite the perspective shift, huh? one. thing. at. a. time.

in the span of the last hour (no shit) i received TWO student emails saying "reply ASAP." now, i know i've complained before about how the advent of email (perhaps coupled with today's overly narcissistic youth, depending on who you ask) has wrought a generation of college students who expect they can miss class and then just casually ask you "what did we do in class?"

BUT "reply ASAP"???? who tells a teacher to do this??

are you kidding me, lol? [i am, actually, Laughing Out Loud, at this very moment.] it's too absurd.

what's even more absurd is that I DID REPLY. instead of just ignoring their stupid emails. because i felt bad for them. even though they were rude and so on. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME ENABLING THIS KIND OF THING???

i might have to address this in class. except i don't want to embarrass these two (seriously) very sweet young ladies, who apparently just have no idea that "reply ASAP" is impolite and crazy.

advice, my four dear readers?

BODY OF WAR

2008-03-30T09:48:00.008-04:00

WATCH THIS PREVIEW (below). phil donahue and ellen spiro teamed up to co-direct the documentary, body of war about one young iraq war veteran's story, from his initial enlistment after 9/11/01 to fight the terrorists in afghanistan, to his paralyzing injury in iraq five days after he got there, to his decision to speak up and out against this unjust and immoral war since his recovery (which is ongoing) after he got home.

thomas young's story is unique and startling, but it's also demonstrably inclusive -- he has a younger brother who's currently doing his third tour right now, and he's a third generation army veteran. his family is split in their attitude toward the war, yet they manage like we all do: loving each other and supporting each others' opinions and experiences. (i learned a lot more about this movie by watching this bill moyers interview with donahue and spiro; it's long but engrossing and highly valuable to see).

body of war

P.S.! eddie vedder composed original music for the documentary and thomas even worked on a cool compilation CD of songs that include some of vedder's (as well as many others) to raise money for Iraq Veterans Against the War. [i just bought the CD, mostly for the beautiful vedder songs ... i'll let you know -- also includes ben harper, bad religion, RATM, bright eyes, and kimya dawson, among others]

if you'd like to know of a peace vigil near you, or even a war protest you can take part in, try this website first: American Friends Service Committee's wage peace calendar (quakers rock, btw). i just (very conveniently) emailed a woman nearby about an upcoming event, and [cough!] mentioned something about organizing one in clemson ...

WHY AREN'T YOU ANGRY ABOUT THIS WAR? WHY DON'T YOU MIND IT? (i can't explain why for the last few weeks it has been CONSUMING me. i think and think about it and cry and get upset and get angry and cry and maybe there's something else going on) BUT DAMNIT! over 4,000 soldiers dead, over 29,000 wounded and OVER 89,000 (the very conservative estimate -- some put it at over 1,000,000) IRAQI CIVILIANS KILLED.

HOW CAN WE SIT STILL ANY LONGER? HOW CAN WE? HOW?

i don't know. i don't know why it took this long for me to FEEL IT.

that time of the semester again ...

2008-03-27T05:20:00.004-04:00

GOOD LORD. there are not enough hours in the day. it's like i finish a big chunk of grading and then HOLY CRAP I TEACH FOR A WEEK or two and then they turn in more stuff or do more presentations and i can see how it's going to be this neverending spiral of grading and more grading until the semester ends in five weeks. five weeks! how can that be???

so i apologize for not posting. i would like to post. i would. but right now i'm scrambling. in fact, i shouldn't even be posting right now. i need to grade. and design this curriculum stuff i've had three weeks to do but let sit and the deadline is [cough] tomorrow.

(i've got to run. the beagle is back. maybe. she slipped out of my fingers this morning when i was letting the dogs out at [cough. again.] 5 a.m. and i hear her outside in the dead kudzu, rustling. she's a shifty one, lulu. damn her. it's some kind of trap. the dead kudzu is also filled with her own fecal matter. she knows i won't chase her there ...)

it was a ruse. lulu was just toying with me. by the time i got out there to shake the cat food bowl (like a dog whistle of sorts), she had disappeared into the woods again. damnit lulu! i don't have time for this today! (meanwhile, one of the cats came running right up to me. the unfriendly one. i was all, "uh, hi pekka. my, you're being friendly. i'm confused. now go away. oh, ok, here's some of your own food. now please go away. lulu? lulu? LULU????")

um, yes, it's the economy's fault i'm moving home for the summer at the age of 30 ...

2008-03-22T11:26:00.003-04:00

but at least i'm not doing it at 52, like the woman in this AP-yahoo article. good lord. but it may as well be. 30, 52 -- what's the difference, really?

the article is saying that our struggling economy is to blame for the lack of jobs, money, etc., and that's why so many people (e.g., ME) are moving BACK HOME AFTER THEY SPECIFICALLY MADE A PACT WITH A FRIEND IN HIGH SCHOOL (senior year, to be exact) THAT WE HAD THE RIGHT TO SHOOT EACH OTHER IN THE HEAD IF EITHER OF US WAS LIVING AT HOME PAST THE AGE OF 25. (well. i just hope i don't run into this friend while i'm living with my parents this summer. and waitressing full-time. and i hope she still doesn't support the NRA).

but honestly AP-yahoo writer: it's MY FAULT i'm moving home, not the economy's. most people have done smarter things with their money by now. i have NOT. most people can afford to be unemployed for a summer. NOT ME. the other people living with their parents? like me, they're also weird losers who have made poor financial decisions and are perhaps a little too close (emotionally, financially) to their families. (i, on the other hand, have separated myself geographically from my family for YEARS, because THEY LIVE IN THE TUNDRA, duh).

i honestly can't wait to get home for the summer! mostly because i can't wait to see all my mothers and sisters and brothers and dads and cousins and friends again. i love being around their energy so much.

so. i am slowly getting over the stigma of being 30 and living at home for the summer ... slowly. i don't know if that's good or not. but i have to get over it anyway.

THAT'S THE THING: there's a lot to just GET OVER, ANYWAY. get over it, me! (it's like i have to remind myself 500 times a week: "who cares what people think? who cares what you were supposed to have done? be happy for now. work to change what you can change.")

[sigh.] i'm trying.

speaking of peace:

2008-03-21T16:35:00.007-04:00

yep. [insert incredibly proud smile here.] i just got emailed this picture today, coincidentally.

that's my sister, lydia, somewhat hidden on the left of the yellow "SAY NO TO WAR IN IRAQ" sign, my mama lauri on the right of the sign with her fist raised (or is she waving? hard to tell in winter gear), and my dad, tim, in front of the yellow sign with a (don't ask, please) leather fedora-style hat he likes and his own white peace sign flag.

my dad protests the war every single saturday of the year: rain, snow, sleet ... -20F ... whatever. my sisters (julia's not pictured here) usually go with him when they're home. i'm embarrassed to admit (gulp- as i did here in this january post) that i haven't been to protest with him once on a trip back to MN. mom goes when she feels like it (e.g., when she's not sleeping or painting).

i believe in peace; i just don't work for it. (sickening, isn't it?) i will try to be a good peace protester when i go home to live this summer. but it's easy to protest when it's sunny and warm outside ... and so my dad will know i'm a fake, not as committed to peace as i should be (well, i'm sure he already knows this, frankly). i see now that suicide is my only option when the rest of your family is so wonderful. and i don't mean this snidely (for once i'm not being sarcastic): they are the best people around. oh! i love them all so much! such big hearts.

almost too late with this one ...

2008-03-20T19:26:00.008-04:00

thursday is drawing to a close. (more about my mansion retreat another day). today is the first day of spring! and more importantly:

today is the 50th anniversary of one of my favorite symbols!

common dreams is a wonderful (molto progressive) news website, and their article on the peace sign's creation and evolution here, is a fascinating one.

you might not have known that:

^ the peace sign was created not as an upside-down broken cross (as many insist), but instead was created by juxtaposing the semaphore (flag-signaling) letters for N and D -- for Nuclear Disarmament, which is why it was created in england in the first place (the circle around them was for the earth).

^ the south african government tried to ban its use by apartheid opponents in 1973.

^ the peace sign briefly appeared on lucky strike cigarette packs (why?? someone show me one. i'll switch brands if lucky strike is a peace-loving tobacco company. and no, that doesn't HAVE TO BE a contradiction in terms).

northern sun is an awesome liberal (i hate to use the word "progressive" twice in one post) minneapolis store/catalog business that also has a website with loads of neat stuff for peaceniks and rebels, hippies and ... (well, i was going to say "hipsters," but that's not really true. most of their stuff is for hippies). bless them. so go take a look if you suddenly feel compelled to buy a peace flag or sticker or t-shirt or onesie or coffee mug or poster ...

HERE'S TO A SPRING AND SUMMER OF PEACE! FIVE YEARS IN IRAQ IS FIVE YEARS TOO LONG! bring the troops home now! enough is enough!

au revoir mes amies!

2008-03-13T22:01:00.013-04:00

this is Le Beach Mansion (location undisclosed and photo slightly blurry for security reasons, DUH), circa november 2007. it's where i'll be for the next SIX DAYS. my emailing will be sporadic at best, and i doubt i'll be blogging at all. [the girl in the photo is a friend i miss and have been meaning to call (poker shark extraordinaire AND gorgeous attorney, jessica).]

you can't tell from this photo, but if jessica turned and looked at the camera, she'd also be looking straight at the atlantic ocean, just down a private boardwalk from the house, past the yard ... (the infinity pool is so cleverly built in to the deck it's almost impossible to find in this photo. almost. did i mention it has a hot tub built-in to it, too?)

the entire top row of windows is a huge beautiful suite we affectionately call the "crow's nest," and it's where i'll be sleeping because i'm the early riser of the group. notice i have my own private balcony facing the sea, bitches! i mean: mes amies - my sweet friends who can't join me this time.

so if you have my number, feel free to call me, but don't be surprised if i sound a little ... uhm, giddy in the early afternoon. or the morning for that matter. (i'm not a lush, seriously. i like to joke about going on vacation and getting drunk in the morning and then i do it once and am hungover by 2 p.m. and am totally sorry i tried that). OK, so don't be surprised if all i sound is incredibly HAPPY AND CONTENT AND TAN AND YOU HEAR WAVES IN THE BACKGROUND, perhaps a beagle snoring ...

[this feast of pleasure is owed directly to my dearest friends g & j, and their loving generosity. (as well as that of j's sister - ahem!) g & j could've decided to spend their spring break completely sequestered at this beach paradise, and instead they chose to invite their friends for the duration. they're letting me bring my goddamn dogs, even. bless them. words aren't enough, here, to express my gratitude ... i'm going to have get creative here since they don't need money or sexual favors and they have wildly varying food palates ... hmm ...]

oh christ this is sad

2008-03-13T11:09:00.002-04:00

a tragic example of when love crosses the line and becomes "enabling":

"Phobia causes woman's 2-year bathroom stay" from cnn. her boyfriend brought her food and water and everything there, literally ON THE TOILET. her skin grew around the seat. oh, my god that's sad. wow. wow. wow. (and apparently they had "normal conversations" whatever in god's name these could be. "so, your day was ... pretty much the same? like yesterday's? oh really? a fly got in? that's cool! no? it's not?? damn. i'm sorry. yeah, i'll get you some more TP soon, i promise honey.")

i might go cry now. my life could be much, much worse. check out their house ...

more hugs!

2008-03-13T06:57:00.002-04:00

i did a post in january about how i showed this DMB hug video to my classes, and i forgot one of my students showed me this other cool "free hugs campaign" video later. it's awesome! (see below). i'm not head-over-heels for the song, but it's still an awesome little youtube video to make you happy.

so, since it's looking like i might not have a job in the fall and i'm back to not knowing what i'm doing with my life (but i'm strangely not worried about this. i probably should be), i'm already thinking i might sell everything i own and travel the world giving out free hugs. of course, i haven't worked out the logistics of food (and uh, the "travel" part) per se, but maybe there's a grant for this somewhere ...

enjoy! who doesn't need more hugs?

"free hugs campaign" - song by sick puppies

checked out

2008-03-12T07:23:00.003-04:00

last friday night during the post-eggers bar gathering (a completely overwhelming, pretentious and hysterical group of primarily english faculty, english grad students, with the occasional theater-history-me person thrown in for good measure), a colleague from another department started complaining that her students had totally "checked out" for spring break (THIS STARTS IN THREE DAYS NOW, BTW).

she went on to say that it's ridiculous because we still had so many days left (well, she was talking about last week, and yes, there's this week, too ... but does this week even count? the week of classes before spring break IS ROUGH) and the students should be more focused and what's wrong with them, blah blah ... i could barely focus myself on what she was saying.

BECAUSE ONCE SHE SAID THE WORDS "SPRING BREAK" I, TOO, CHECKED OUT.

i just nodded at her words sympathetically. like i could see where she was coming from. even though now i was just staring at her mouth move, bless her (it was a very neat mouth, to be honest: big lips and teeth). i was miles away already ... on the beach, on the beach mansion's (where i'll be, thanks to my dear friends) ginormous deck-with-infinity-pool facing the ocean, drinking mimosas and coffee for breakfast, then a little fresh fruit ... i'll live in my swimsuit during the daylight hours, not caring about make-up, getting sunburned and taking my dogs for long beach walks ... oh, I COULD GO ON. I COULD. JESUS. BUT I'LL STOP TO SPARE THE REST OF YOU THE AGONY.

but to be honest, my students have seemed pretty "checked in" last week and this week so far. i'm impressed overall. and also: i've had important stuff to cover in our course this week, and they're all engaged and present in the classroom. even me (uh, because i'm teaching it and have to be? no ... because it's important. sigh).

ahhh ... and once i start thinking about spring break during class, fuck, it's all i can do to stay checked in and focused. i think in this instance i sympathize more with the students than the teachers. i don't know. maybe that colleague has weird students. i love mine more every week ... they have seemed a little more excitable than usual in class, but this is generally good. and they listen when they need to.

[but who knows? maybe their eyeballs look to be paying attention, and their questions reflect they've been listening, when REALLY THEY'RE JUST COUNTING THE SECONDS IN THEIR HEADS LIKE FREAKY LITTLE AUTISTIC CARD COUNTERS until class is over. one more class down, only a couple more to go ... not that i'm counting or anything, jesus ...]

me in 30 years?

2008-03-09T08:56:00.010-04:00

"70 cats seized from unsanitary home":
Officers said the cats were well fed, but the home was filled with feces and garbage and was unsuitable for not only cats, but also humans.

you hear about houses like this from time to time, either in england or here in the states. fortunately, i also HAVE TWO DOGS. so this can't possibly be me in 30 years:

(yep. that's the recurring character "crazy cat lady" from the simpsons. she has a degree from yale. she throws her cats at people who come on her property ... since we've already established i have two dogs in addition to my two cats AND WE KNOW WELL AND GOOD I WENT TO A STATE SCHOOL AND NOT YALE, this will certainly NOT BE ME in 30 years, right? RIGHT??!?).

dave eggers = awesomebrilliantfunny [long!]

2008-03-08T07:59:00.009-05:00

last night was the culminating event in my university's first ever literary festival, and this was a scheduled (FREE) reading/talk given by none other than one of my favorite authors and people in the world, dave eggers.

i first unwittingly ran across dave's work when i was a freshman in college because a cool lecturer of mine lent me all these old copies of this magazine he loved, called "might." i thought might was terribly clever. but at 18 i wasn't very clever and was blown away by the wittiness on display and felt overwhelmed by this ... i didn't know what to make of this genius stuff. then i had other work to do.

years later when i read dave's pulitzer prize-nominated memoir a heartbreaking work of staggering genius, i fell in love with dave, this time for real. er, well, as much as a devoted fan might. i fell in love with his voice, his earnest desire to share his stories and improve the lives of others. and he has this phenomenal sense of humor, christ. [maybe part of my love, too, was that i could see the potential father in him, in how he took care of his brother -- i'm sure young women reading that book fucking SWOONED.] i started reading mcsweeney's online around then (which, as some of you know, i still visit regularly and adore. i post links here from time to time to the ones i find particularly hilarious), too ... i keep hoping the muse will strike me and i'll write something horribly funny and cool and submit it and it will go online there, but so far this hasn't happened yet.

i'll skip ahead now ...

i heard dave was coming to read/speak here, and i LOVED LOVED LOVED his latest novel "what is the what: an autobiography of valentino achak deng" (about the life of one of sudan's "lost boys," from this boy's time both trekking across sudan as a child to the years he spent at refugee camps, to his eventual settlement in the U.S.) when i read it last december, so i HAD to figure out a way to to not only require my 150 students to attend the reading, but to also incorporate the novel in my classes. (click here for the NYT review of the book that encapsulates better than i can on why the book is so profoundly moving).

but the deal is this: i don't teach english anymore. i teach six labs (once-a-week, 2-hr section each) for an intro to human communications course. basically the labs are public speaking (we're working on new curriculum at the moment ... too bad i won't be here to see it go into effect) classes. how to make dave eggers and what is the what part of my public-speaking-human-communication lab???

well, the first part was done for me, incidentally. sort of. the course actually requires students do an "outside speaker critique" and write a paper on a speaker. this is kind of a dumb assignment since we do something better and smarter earlier on in the semester. sooooooo ... what WE did, in my sections, was read excerpts from the book (the preface, a middle part [very dramatic!], and the last chapter out loud in class. this was WAY more fun than it sounds, honestly. because it gave students the opportunity to practice (duh, really) oral skills (completely undervalued in my opinion, i'm not kidding at all), and it fed into our later discussion.

our discussion! these were UNBELIEVABLE in some sections, so-so in others ... the topics and questions we went over were my attempts to relate what is the what to public-speaking-human-communication. we started off with storytelling, what this is (after introductions in my classes, students do a "story speech"), what purpose it serves, why it exists and continues to exist. then we ventured into the "call to speak," and "speaking up/speaking out," and why some people (like valentino achak deng) felt compelled to speak up. we talked about what they, as students, felt compelled to speak up about (not much, sadly ... but there were some beautiful moments. a few religious martyrs and one young feminist i adored who said she would go to jail if that meant teenage girls in SC could get access to birth control! LOVE her.)

and then! seeing all my glorious students at the reading last night! i wanted to hug and kiss them all. (of course, they were required to be there, lol. but they seemed happy and every instance i was so tickled to see them outside the classroom ... it seemed kind of ... like they were, too ...).

but the best part is this: dave eggers' talk last night was perfect. he was smart. he was funny and self-deprecating. he spoke of sudan and what is the what and read from this briefly. but then to my great good fortune, he also spoke very passionately and eloquently about why he started all these writing centers around the U.S. to help young people (kids, really) improve their literacy. my students (ME, TOO, christ) learned some wonderful things and had plenty to write about on their handouts i gave them to take with them for the reading/talk. as i spoke with a few students when we were all filtering out of the big theater, they were animated and engaged -- possibly (hopefully!) even inspired to make the world a better place. i certainly was.

big HAPPY sigh. contented lecturer smile. :) i should stop here ...

[starstruck moment: the line for book signings after the reading was so long that my friends and i decided to bail and head straight to bar/restaurant where we knew dave was to show up later. i was sad to not get my book signed, but also RAVENOUS. (well, that's no contest, is it? i wonder if it would've taken kurt vonnegut risen from the dead signing books for me to have waited in that long line ...) anyhoo, after we'd eaten and dave had shown up at the bar and also eaten, i sort of sneaked over to his table (sort of. flounced? i was on drink #2) ... fortunately a cool english creative writing prof saw me sidling up and told dave my name and mentioned i sent 150 students to the reading, yada yada. then i quickly thrust out my copy of what is the what and jabbered about everything i did here: what-all about my communications classes reading parts of the book and our discussions and how moving they were and how grateful i was to him for speaking tonight and thanking him, profusely, for his talk and the need to speak up and out, and storytelling, inspiring others, him inspiring my students ... to my great relief he was incredibly nice and funny and not pissed i interrupted him and we chatted for a brief moment about these topics while he signed my book (like he must sign all others): "To Sylvia! Thanks so much for spreading the WORD! Your true friend, Dave Eggers."]

now. i must get to work on a mcsweeny's piece. seriously.

Dear Texas,

2008-03-05T07:35:00.003-05:00

i didn't expect my man obama to win in ohio last night because it was sort of a given hillary had the lock on that state and he really focused his energies on Y'ALL, on TEXAS, and so WTF, PEOPLE??? i went to bed last night with the results showing him comfortably leading her in the primary results and this morning i wake up, check cnn and have a minor stroke.

thanks for that, texas asshats (NOT my cousins! i love you!). i would like to make some snarky comment here about y'all's culpability in OUR NATION'S LAST EIGHT YEARS OF INCOMPETENT, DISASTROUS REIGN (your village of crawford has been sorely missing its token idiot, hasn't it?), but really i'm just pissy more of you didn't vote for change and hope and idealistic vision last night -- you voted for hillary. you voted for a brilliant woman who is part of the "old guard" in washington. she has lived in the white house for eight years already (yuck! i want a fresh body in there). she polarizes people and is not well known for working on both sides of the aisle.

so, texas, if it weren't for my lovely cousins living there, i would have some REALLY CHOICE words for Y'ALL today. as it is, i am saying in my best fatherly voice: I AM VERY, VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU. YOU'VE REALLY LET YOUR MOTHER AND ME DOWN. I SORT OF WISH YOU WEREN'T BORN, TO BE HONEST. I'M GOING TO GO GET DRUNK ON THE BACK PORCH NOW, ALONE. GO TO HELL.

sincerely,
:) sylvia
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxo!

PATHOS ALERT! the reds will eat your babies ...

2008-03-04T07:50:00.008-05:00

both in my english classes of yore and in my speech/comm classes of today we talk about aristotle's definition of rhetoric (the art of persuasion, in a nutshell) and his three modes (or appeals to) of persuasion: ethos (an appeal based on the character of the speaker), logos (an appeal based on logic; generally sound reasoning; although today we consider facts/data to be "logos"), and finally: PATHOS (an appeal based on emotion, meant to sway the audience by tugging at their heartstrings or scaring the crap out of them).

well gentle readers, you're smart. you know what appeals SHOULD work best on human beings and what ULTIMATELY DOES work best on us humans. we like to think we've evolved. that we think and can reason and can use our brains. i like to think this on my good days. really i do. that we can do something noble, some things beautiful and intelligent with our lives: creating art and music, thinking rationally and practicing peace and tolerance, letting our lives overflow with laughter and love, humility and grace.

but mostly, sadly ... i think a lot of us (me, included) are sitting around here with our barely evolved reptilian brains, just eating and defecating, screwing and multiplying, sleeping and waking ... our lives a thinly veiled pretense for the the two most base, primal emotions we feel at any given time: fear and desire. "i am afraid of _____" and "i want _____."

ugh. and by now everyone has heard of or seen hillary's cold-war-republican-style campaign ad, "it's 3 a.m. and your children are safe and asleep ... the phone rings at the white house ..." PUKE ME A RIVER, hillary. i mean, FUCK, DID YOU STEAL A PAGE FROM THE BUSH/CHENEY/ROVE PLAYBOOK?

you make me ill, suddenly. i mean, shit, i'll campaign for you if you win the nomination ... if i have to, ok. but DAMMIT WOMAN. I HATE THE POLITICS OF FEAR! a pathos appeal, an appeal based on emotions ... these WORK, ok, they work, we know that. but catering to fear is the WORST possible pathos appeal. (in fact, it's how i used to remember in my first rhetoric class that pathos was the least formidable of the three appeals: because it was PATHETIC).

ok, whew. i'll calm down. there are about 20 or more hilarious (and some serious) parodies already up at youtube of this stupid fear-mongering ad. a lot of them involve ghostbusters ("who you gonna call?"), lol. i kind of like this one, below, mostly because i love it when guys do women's voices, mrah. reminds me of kids in the hall. (in fact, this link-clip from KITH here is so freaking hilarious, I INSIST YOU GO WATCH IT IMMEDIATELY TO HAVE A GREAT DAY).

3 a.m. white house ad spoof

everyone is smarter than me

2008-03-03T07:11:00.003-05:00

but this isn't a new feeling. (judging from the 8th grade science quiz results -- look below at the comments for that post).

of course, when i was young i was convinced i was a genius, and it took me until college to realize i was horribly NOT-SMART. in graduate school this feeling of not-smartness was only compounded on a regular basis, but it was invigorating in a way i won't get into here. maybe i need to do some remedial science classes? get a science book?

well, genius friends and family, here's a totally unrelated NON-factual question i'm posing to you all then: TO HAVE AN ACTUAL PHOTO OF MYSELF AT THE BLOG OR NOT?

i ask you this because the pic i had been using was [cough!] six years old and was linked from my department's faculty page for me. and now that pic has mysteriously disappeared from that page. so ... i looked at some very ugly pics of myself here on my laptop last night (many old ones, sigh) ... and then naturally settled on the hilarious Brandy-Beauregard pic from my very first blog entry.

it doesn't matter to me to have an actual pic of myself up at all. except.

except when i go to other people's blogs ... i kind of like seeing a face. an actual real face to put with the writing, the musings, the nonsense, the reflections ... you know. it personalizes it in some way.

but is this vanity? i can't decide. i need your help, my dear four readers. to have a "real" pic of myself or not? i'm at your mercy. clearly, you're ALL MUCH SMARTER THAN ME. :)

this is depressing (but not really a surprise):

2008-03-02T08:00:00.003-05:00

i failed 8th grade science last night (see below).

and i was on the freaking SCIENCE TEAM for two years in junior high! we went to state and were in the top ten both years! granted, i wanted to be a doctor then, so my "events" were things like "A for Anatomy" and ... i think i was a lame duck participant on the quiz bowl panel ... (ok, so i was really carried by the nerdy guys on the team, whatever). but still. these quiz results are pathetic and embarrassing. every time i'd read a question i'd go, "oh, i know this!" and then i'd look at those multiple choice answers and think, "fuck, i guess i don't." i guess i don't.

mmmmm ... a free weekend, at last ...

2008-03-01T07:39:00.010-05:00

done.

and DONE. for now anyway, with the 150 student papers. i only lost two. (which makes no sense. i have folders. all the papers go in the requisite section folders, from which point they don't get shuffled, blown around, or rearranged, etc. yet two [very nice, honestly] students insist they turned in papers and now they are nowhere to be found. how is this possible?? and one student is saying her hard drive has since crashed and she might not have the original anymore ...?)

sort of DONE ... because i'm all about uh, "learning" or whatever you want to call it these days, i let my students rewrite their papers to get a higher grade. my only requirement is that they meet with me and so we can discuss their analysis and then they look over a couple "model" papers. i say over and over in my classes (because i really don't want to prepare them for the "real world"? what's wrong with me?), "you don't get a lot of second chances in life, but you do in my class. you can rewrite as many times as you need to, seriously." this just means that at the very end of the semester i will be grading MORE OF THE SAME PAPERS, AGAIN. [sigh.] but hopefully they will be a mite smarter.

[aside: i just don't understand how students are supposed to actually IMPROVE at critical thinking/writing if they're not forced to try it again and work through (with guidance) their stumbling blocks. usually students get a paper back, see their grade and sigh "i'm such a bad writer" or whatever, and then what happens?? nothing. exactly. paper goes in the trash. even though i'm not teaching english at the moment, critical analysis is still a key component, right? don't they ever have to write papers for other subjects?? please god, tell me they do ...]

THE POINT OF MY STUPID STORY IS that i'm finally free to enjoy a whole weekend!!!!

no labyrinthine job apps to write and complete, no papers to grade, no pressing curriculum to design (also last weekend, btw). the dogs decided to celebrate this momentous occasion by waking me up first at 5 a.m. today. then after much scratchy grumbling and profanities and yanking of collars ("booker and lulu you stupid fucks i love you but jesus christ get back on the goddamn bed" but in some kind of hoarse witchy voice best reserved for scaring children at halloween. also, i'm pretty sure i added the "i love you" here just to seem like less of a jerk), i managed to get them to let me sleep until 6:47 a.m., at which point i feared i would be mopping up dog urine if i didn't get up and let them outside.

today or this weekend, i will (perhaps not in this order):

enjoy going grocery shopping
delight in running errands
vacuum (maybe. i hate this. but the dog hair on the floor has started clumping and having small rallies. soon the clumps will start demanding rights and when i refuse them, they'll stage little rebellions while i'm sleeping, attaching themselves to my face and the backs of my shirts, burning my books, etc. i can't give them too much control, you see. it's a delicate power balance)
take neglected dogs for good long walk
put neglected dogs in their crate (let's be honest: it's a big cage) for a couple hours while i take a sweet nap (they don't "get" naps, i've learned the hard way. which makes no sense because they freaking nap all the damn time)
go see a play on campus with amigos
call my wonderful family back in minnesota
clean out rotten food from fridge (maybe. depends on if i feel like it)

i'm also going to be posting a few other things here and there ... got a lot of stuff jotted down i've been meaning to ... you know, make public for no reason whatsoever. the blurry dogs-in-motion pic is an old one from last summer. they WERE JUST PLAYING. seriously. they're funny like that. now lulu bites the shit out of booker.

well. done grading for a moment. and:

2008-02-27T14:24:00.003-05:00

william f. buckley jr. died today. not my favorite guy. in an unusual twist of synchronicity (since i can't remember the last time WFB entered my thoughts, honestly), just this very morning i was reading a student's paper referencing a very moving speech mary fisher gave in 1992 about her HIV diagnosis, and the student contrasted fisher's position with the leading conservative sentiment at the time with this gem from none other than WFB:

"Everyone detected with AIDS should be tattooed in the upper forearm, to protect common needle users, and on the buttock, to prevent the victimization of other homosexuals."

grading break ... part troix

2008-02-27T05:27:00.012-05:00

for the third time in as many days, here i am up at 5 a.m. to get the papers graded for the class i promised to hand them back to TODAY. puke. but the morning is my best time. some people would stay up until 1 a.m., but that's not me. i like the wee hours of ULTIMATE PROCRASTINATION.

i found this website awhile ago and have been kind of letting it sit, maybe waiting until i'm brainless (good morning, night) but still want to post. it's a blog called modern mechanix, and here's a sampling of what i've gleefully stumbled across:

this alluring freckleproof cape is circa 1940 (i don't really see why the polka-dots need to be there; i think they're more of a confusing fashion statement). please don't ask me about the freaky hood. if i saw a bunch of people lounging by the seaside or a pool in these "capes" i think i would be more than a little alarmed. are these people severely disfigured? why so shy about it? or: some kind of sick kkk group outing where the humidity messed up the hood tops? sad and disturbing, either way. and of course, really FREAKING SCARY like something from the elephant man, holy christ.

as for milady's face harness, well. i should probably see if the 1933 manufacturer is still making these. probably cheaper than botox and would last longer than the fancy anti-wrinkle creams i try to get as samples and sometimes end up buying. the "sagging chin" runs in my family on a certain side (or rather, the "weak chin"), and so maybe this contraption would do the trick! sure it looks uncomfortable to sleep in, but let's face it: wrinkles are uncomfortable for EVERYONE ELSE TO LOOK AT, right?? hello? let's think of others for once instead of being so selfish.

grading break ... part deux

2008-02-24T08:08:00.004-05:00

will someone PLEASE STOP THE INSANITY??

i know, i know. i should've called this blog "SYLVIA WHINES EVERYONE IN UNIVERSE IS PREGNANT AND HAS BABIES EXCEPT HER AND HERE SHE WILL MOAN ABOUT THIS UNTIL THE END OF TIME."

i AM happy for the pregnant people and for the pregnant mothers and fathers and you know i love this woman and so on but OMFG [cue uncontrollable jealous weeping, at least in my head if not from my actual eyes]:

that's it. i'm going to a sperm bank when i'm next living in a city that has sperm banks. a few months from now, most likely. [i wonder: do sperm banks have a drive up teller with the pneumatic tube-deals like a regular money bank? if they see a dog in your backseat, do they casually toss a milkbone in the canister with your vial of semen before they send it hissing through the chute? i shudder to think of people making "deposits" at the drive-up teller ...] i can't take it anymore. my ovaries ARE SCREAMING AND CURSING ME every month and my attempts to placate them with chocolate, cigarettes, coffee, occasionally booze and yoga ARE NOT WORKING. changing my friends' babies' dirty diapers and getting snot on my clothes and applesauce in my hair only makes me want a baby MORE, not less ...

[50 papers down, 100 to go ... damn the oscars tonight! at least i can grade during commercials and the crappy awards.]

grading break ...

2008-02-21T10:44:00.008-05:00

in between grading my 5,000,000,000 (ok, 150) student papers (23 down, 127 to go by monday-ish), i check my email and cnn compulsively. you know, in case of ... some kind of student/friend/world disaster i need to know about ASAP.

and apparently john mccain is in hot water over accusations he gave a lobbyist "special treatment." big whoop. but what struck me most was this photo at cnn (courtesy of AP): [OK, SO I GUESS MY CNN-AP PHOTO DISAPPEARED FOR SOME REASON AND I LOOKED ALL OVER THE INTERWEB FOR IT FOR THE LAST 20 MINUTES (I LIE, I LIE--I LOOKED FOR IT FOR OVER 35 MINUTES BECAUSE THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME INSIDE) AND IT'S GONE. GONE! THIS IS A CLOSE SECOND. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY CINDY'S ON CRUTCHES HERE]:

i had to go to wikipedia and do a little reading and math, because judging from this photo, he is 7,000 years old and his wife is 50 or so. i mean, DEAR GOD. she is like an age-appropriate supermodel and HE looks prematurely embalmed. i know the campaign trail is grueling, yet somehow cindy finds time for skin maintenance, cosmetics, waxing, etc. and so maybe she should take her husband with her to the plastic surgeon/dermatologist/aesthetician? wow. john, two words: CHAP STICK. well, maybe that should be one word. whatever. get some. and maybe a little sun wouldn't hurt. you're from arizona for christ's sake. and at 71 isn't it kind of late to sun damage your skin anyway?

[btw, in case you're wondering, cindy's only 17 years younger, not 6,950; she's 54 or so. but no real scandal i'm happy to report: they've been married for almost 28 years and have had three kids. nevermind that he was 52 when the third was born ... oh well.]

[p.s. speaking about mccain, check out this sad song/video illustrating his position on the war. mccain wouldn't be such a bad guy if his support for the war in iraq wasn't so unequivocal.]

a new soul!

2008-02-21T06:34:00.003-05:00

ah, it's that time again here at the blog. a posted viral youtube video made popular from (what i'm told anyway, since i don't see commercials myself) those incredibly cool MacAir ads. thanks, josh. i love love love it.

i love it because the song is so pretty. i love it because my friend (as everyone knows) just had a baby and baby cal already is THIS WONDERFUL NEW SOUL on the planet. i also love it because the video inspires me to tear down the walls of my house. and then move on to a small lake. [did i already tell you that in addition to once harboring tree house fantasies, i've also wanted to live in a houseboat on and off forever? (a sailboat or yacht would suffice, too, i suppose ...)] sometimes i really just want to tear everything down ... build, tear down, build ... sigh. so it goes. let's blame the girl scouts again. i smell an international conspiracy afoot.

[ahem!] take a listen. try to smile at a complete stranger somewhere today. your soul needs less walls -- all of ours do.

yael naim - "a new soul"

hallelujah!

2008-02-20T12:25:00.006-05:00

i just sent out lengthy-job-application-numero-4 in less than one week. the last one for a while as i haven't seen any postings i'm interested in/qualified for in some time now. the post office has seen the last of me for SOME TIME, thank god.

[insert GIANT SIGH OF RELIEF here.]

whew. those were fucking exhausting, from so many perspectives. here are a few:

1. many required multiple pages of writing on lovely topics such as, "tell us about diversity, and teaching in diverse classrooms," and "how do you actively engage students in learning?" and "tell us how you've collaborated with colleagues--limit response to 750 words." JESUS. if i had to write the word "pedagogical" one more time, my brain might have exploded on my laptop.

2. my color printer has been broken/in a closet on a high shelf for a year, so printing my cool hybrid CV-resume has been an exercise in patience and has possibly exhausted various generosities of friends. my apologies. the sheer amount of printing all those forms and letters and CVs and transcripts and pages has been kicking my ass, good god. i'm hating all printers at the moment. and loving them, of course.

3. FILLING OUT A PDF/MS WORD APPLICATION "FORM" SUCKS. mainly because they ask you for the name and address of something like, oh, say, a UNIVERSITY DEPARTMENT, and then the space the digital form gives you to type it in only allocates maybe, hmm ... 15 characters. this is a conundrum. abbreviate? hand-write it in? (you can't change the font size). aaaaarrrrggghh.

4. trying to fit your life story and why you love teaching and why they should hire you and why you're brilliant and love diversity and technology and speak more than one language and have millions of curriculum ideas and why you love students and english and/or speech into a one-page "cover" or "application" letter is pretty much an exercise in insanity. i cut and cut and cut and cut. until it sounded stupid. and then i sent it out.

5. did i mention one day i went to five offices on my campus here trying to track down copies of my undergraduate transcripts from new mexico state university?? only to find after three phone calls to new mexico that they can fax me unofficial copies for free in less than 24 hours??? there is a man, i don't know his name, in the registrar's office at NMSU, that i want to kiss on the mouth. bless you, sir. i could hear you smiling helpfully over the phone and you were fast and kind last week when i would've killed a puppy to get copies of those transcripts.

and that's it. now i just have to grade the 150 student papers i have before monday and everything will be right with the universe again. [sleep? why no, who needs this? you know what they say (in a pirate voice, duh): "thare'll be time enough fer sleepin' when yer dead."]

ten in a row for obama!

2008-02-20T07:32:00.003-05:00

total delegates (according to cnn):
OBAMA = 1,301
hillary = 1,239

¡adiós, castro! nos vemos otro día ...

2008-02-19T07:02:00.008-05:00

"they talk about the failure of socialism but where is the success of capitalism in africa, asia, latin america?"
- q. from fidel castro, who stepped down after almost 50 years of rule in cuba today

[pic is of my man ché on left, and castro on right, circa 1960s.]

My heart leaps up when I behold

2008-02-18T06:54:00.010-05:00

My heart leaps up when I behold
A rainbow in the sky:
So was it when my life began;
So is it now I am a man;
So be it when I shall grow old,
Or let me die!
The Child is father of the Man;
I could wish my days to be
Bound each to each by natural piety.

- William Wordsworth (1770-1850)

my dear, truly amazing friend jennifer is hopefully nursing her brand-new baby son #3 this morning (or perhaps, still pushing??) and MY HEART IS LEAPING AND BURSTING OVER WITH HAPPINESS for her and her brilliant, loving family. i'm waiting for the call from her husband right now (i said "call in the night, wake me up for christ's sakes," but he said he'd wait for a reasonable-ish hour, sigh) to let me know if baby's still giving mama hell or is out and happy breathing air.

oh babies. newborns. i get all choked up. [gulp.] my friends think i'm demented because i joke that i want to "eat babies alive." but that's just the only metaphor i have for my love for them, which is clearly all-consuming. [i would never EVER eat a baby; i can't believe i even have to write that.] i just want to swallow their hands and feet and legs and bellies and cheeks and smiles and smells and hold them forever. maybe that's the demented part: that i love "love" so much ... and baby love -- well, it doesn't get any sweeter.

here's to jennifer! congratulations my angel! you made it! i tell you all the time and i'm telling you again today: you inspire me all the time with your creativity, your patience, and your strength. i love you and i love baby ____ (i'll let you tell his name on your own blog, lol). i'll be seeing you both very soon ...

update: not knowing whether baby was born or whether mama jennifer was just having worst labor EVER, i got in car and started driving 45 minutes to hospital at 10:30 this morning. well, that was lucky timing. 15 minutes from hospital, the proud papa calls and said baby was born at 10:21 and come on over. [i was all, "uhm, yeah, guess where i am? this is so funny actually ..."] baby callum ("cal") gray anderssen was born 7 lbs. 15 oz. and 21" after 18 HOURS OF GODDAMN LABOR. poor jennifer didn't get the epidural until four hours before baby was born, holy christ she IS SOME KIND OF TROOPER. i mean, GOOD GOD, PEOPLE. [did i already mention she has two boys under the age of three at home???]

rat bastard girl scouts

2008-02-17T11:49:00.012-05:00

yes, you know why:

every year they accost me at the grocery store with their table, and every year i buy multiple boxes and START EATING THEM BEFORE I LEAVE THE GODDAMN PARKING LOT. seriously. it takes all of my willpower to not rip into them before i reach my car, and then the parking brake is barely down before i have clawed into my first box and torn through the interior wrapping like some kind of junkie, shoveling a chocolate-peanutbutter- patty into my piehole as i attempt to shift gears and drive home. i'm a disgrace for a human being and i blame the girl scouts of america. clearly, they put crack in their cookies. maybe some kind of opiate-derivative.

[everyone loves the thin mints. everyone. sure, they're good. i bought some for a friend and her family. but i love the two peanut butter varieties. it's now almost noon and that's all i've eaten today, holy christ. someone, stage an intervention, please! come to my house and throw me in a cold shower. take the cookies (noooooo!!!) outside and crush each one with a boot heel. feed me ipecac to cleanse my system. if this isn't a cry for help i don't know how to be clearer! DAMN YOU GIRL SCOUTS, DAMN YOU!!!]

no words

2008-02-15T08:13:00.002-05:00

the greatest generation!

2008-02-15T07:32:00.003-05:00

i think everyone skipped reading my post (replete with trailer) about this wonderfully cool, sweet and hilarious documentary coming out, "young at heart," and that's ok. (in case you're curious now, it featured clips of SENIOR CITIZENS SINGING "I WANT TO BE SEDATED," heh-lo? lmao over here just remembering it). but after showing it to officemates, one of them said i had to check out the zimmers, and christ i'm glad we did.

you're going to LOVE this. promise. click play and rock out. it's FOR REAL.

the zimmers - "my generation"

for elena's grandmother, today.

2008-02-14T07:04:00.002-05:00

Dear Invisible Millionaire Friends,

2008-02-13T13:34:00.012-05:00

lately you've probably been asking yourself, "what will i do with all my excess millions of dollars i have laying around the house in piles and in bank accounts the world over?" this is a common question a lot of millionaires and billionaires ask themselves, really. don't feel bad for not being able to spend it all! that's normal and probably healthy. i mean, we can only have so many houses, jets, adopted babies, and day spa memberships, right?? totally understandable.

well, i'm here to help.

i've actually been sending you telepathic messages for some time now, but i'm not sure you're receiving them.

yes, this is the most current anthropologie catalog that i recently got in the mail. and yes, YOU CAN BUY ME EVERYTHING IN IT.

by "everything," i actually mean "everything." if you need my sizes in shoes, pants, tops, dresses, beds, walls, etc., just post a comment and i'll get back to ASAP. (note: i have been including these sizes in my telepathic messages, but as with the messages themselves, i fear they may have gotten lost somewhere along the way).

oh sure, there are other, more valuable ways to burn through your piles of cash (friends committee on national legislation [fcnl] comes to mind, a quaker lobby group that promotes peace and social justice), but you probably have your pet causes already, don't you?

just take a look at this blouse, though, and tell me you don't think WE WOULD ALL look ravishing in it:

and look at this beautiful scene below! there's a peacock! truly the anthropologie catalogs are works of art. don't you wish you lived in gauzy-perfect-french-bohemian-anthropologie world??
[SIGH. i do.]

so please invisible millionaires, do what you know is right in your heart: buy me everything from the anthropologie catalog. (click on link to view the catalog, and just imagine how happy i would be in the blue dress on pg. 5, or the white dress on pg. 8).

this isn't really asking too much. it's not haute couture we're talking about, just out of my price range at the moment ...

thanking you in advance for your kindness,
:) sylvia.
xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxo!

disturbing new facebook widget

2008-02-13T07:38:00.005-05:00

it was only a matter of time. of course the folks at facebook (aka "stalkbook" to many, including students themselves; aka GIANT GODDAMN TIME-SUCKER according to most all profs who know that while they're lecturing to a hall full of students with open laptops the students are really NOT taking notes, just doing crap on facebook) have known for awhile now how to track WHO is looking AT WHAT. of course.

but it wasn't until this morning that i got a little freaked out. i joined facebook when i first started teaching, spring semester of 2005, and so my profile features a random (some say "little richard-esque") woman with a dark mullet and mustache and then all the info is just about me being an old lecturer with arthritis or something. nothing personal at all. i have NO widgets. nada. (i did, finally, at the insistence of students last fall, get a "wall," but this has proved uneventful. they wished me a happy birthday when it rolled around, which was sweet).

anyhoodle, the students find me and add me as their friend and it's all fun. i love love love reading their profiles, seriously. i wish i could mandate it as part of the class. kidding! (sort of ...) yes, because i'm a stalker in the grand tradition like they are, but also because LIKE THEY ARE, i'm just so curious and interested in their lives. what they choose to make public. the girls love jesus a lot. the guys like "family guy" a lot, and "fight club" and often "jesus," which should maybe be a contradiction, but whatever. the girls have WAY more pictures up of themselves, lol. (i like the profiles where guys/ladies seem all insipidly "wholesome" in their values and then there are pics of them puking in an alley, mrah).

all in all, facebook is a fabulous thing, GIANT GODDAMN TIME-SUCKER or not. i love what it lets students and people (increasingly, adults and professionals all over the world) express about themselves, and then connect to others.

but. (of course there's a but).

this morning as i was perusing a profile of a student who just requested me as his friend (a sweet kid from a small town who likes stock car racing yet is in a group supporting hillary clinton?!? cool! [why not give obama a chance, kid?]) i was scrolling down when i was startled to suddenly see, yes: MY VERY OWN MULLETED PROFILE PICTURE STARING BACK AT ME ON HIS PAGE.

aaaaaaaaaaccccckkkk.

now, to be sure, it's totally fine i'm scoping out his profile. he just added me as a friend. i'm his teacher. we're both scorpios, etc. the name of this widget i had yet to come across is something like (i closed the page and haven't been able to bring myself to open it up again, so i might have this wrong) "Who's Looking At Your Profile Right Now?" and then it has the picture of the "friend"/"stalker" right there, jesus christ.

oh, facebook. disable that feature, will you? i mean seriously. yuck. of course you need the technology for when/if there are real stalking issues and so on, but: ugh. let us explore each others' worlds quietly, and you know what? if we didn't want our "friends"/"stalkers" to see what we have up there, we wouldn't put it there, right?

p.s. obama kicked ass in the potomac primary last night. like we all knew he would. he now leads hillary in delegates, like we knew he eventually would. YES WE CAN win the democratic nomination for president in denver in august (will probably cinch it long before that).

i'm LMAO over here!!

2008-02-12T07:22:00.000-05:00

yes, yes i'm still ridiculously (no wait: SUPER-ridiculously) busy this week as the job apps are STILL not done nor out yet. in 60 hours the two most critical ones will be, barring some sort of in-home-accident where i spill boiling water IN MY EYES or break my legs walking down my own stairs, you know. (knowing how clumsy i am, it's a miracle i've lived 30 years without having either of these two things come to pass. yes, i'm fucking knocking on wood RIGHT NOW).

but i feel guilty not posting anything and don't want my faithful four readers to think i'm neglecting them! i love you four readers! i know who you are even if you don't post comments!

so CHECK OUT THIS LATEST mcsweeney's: Everything is Wrong With You: A letter from Dr. Phil. it's so funny i laughed out loud multiple times, holy christ. i'm not even going to put a sample up here: JUST GO READ IT. laugh. enjoy. drink champagne from a bucket. don't wake the bear.

quick post!

2008-02-10T07:56:00.000-05:00

i'm busy this weekend, paying dearly for my procrastination of days and weeks past. [i had all the time in the world last week and last weekend to do these incredibly lengthy job application questions and laundry and lesson plans and EVERYTHING ELSE and so what did i do? of course. of course! i waited until the last possible second when i have 5,000,000 other things to to all at once and so now i'm flipping out .... aaahhhhccckk. i just go start eating the tums right now, preemptively.]

but my homeboy obama SWEPT saturday's primaries and caucuses across the country last night. he won in every state there was a contest: washington, nebraska, louisiana, (uh, as well as in the virgin islands. i guess they have, like, three delegates or something? that's so cute!) obama's leading hillary in delegates, apparently, but trailing her in superdelegates, which explains why his overall total (1,039) is still below hers (1,100).

[i uh, baby-sat last night, btw. (yes, because i'm suddenly in high school all over again. nevermind). i can count on one hand the number of times i've done this in the last five years. i can now count on one finger the number of time(s) i've done this, officially for money (now i feel dirty) and not as a favor for a friend. more on this another day ... (who knew babysitting paid so well?? maybe i should do this every saturday, seriously!)]

have i told you lately ...

2008-02-07T07:51:00.001-05:00

how much i love this woman?

[i know, this is an old pic. but the current one from cnn was too small and looked funny here.]

angelina jolie is apparently in iraq as part of her role as goodwill ambassador for the UNHCR to bring awareness to the tune of 2 MILLION IRAQI REFUGEES. this is long overdue because iraqi refugee numbers are growing daily and many camps and border countries are over-capacity. i never in my life have sent fanmail [except for that one to "luke skywalker" when i was 7, but nevermind] but sometimes think of sending AJ love letters. i was just talking with a girlfriend about whether she's pregnant with twins or not and so on and all i could think was that AJ must've been some kind of freaky saint in a past life (and she's working pretty hard on it now, too, for that matter) because she's pretty much living my dream life (aside from the freaky early marriage to billy bob, vials of blood, yada yada).

anyhoo, i love her because she's funny and brilliant and loves kids and babies and believes in standing up and WORKING FOR what you believe in. i wish more hollywood stars would worry a little less about their spray tans and NY fashion week and collagen and donate the amount of time and money AJ does to making the world a better, safer place. [oh yeah, her "husband"? whatever his name is? he's just icing on the cake, to be honest. it's nice for him to have someone to motivate him to change the world, i imagine.]

The Romney Campaign tries to capture the over-looked "Metalhead" vote

2008-02-06T22:14:00.000-05:00

i'm laughing my ass off over this mitt romney youtube video ("he kills taxes, NOT BABIES!") set to death-metal. it's short, promise. i'm not posting the vid here because i'm lazy and have been putting up WAY too many videos lately, sigh. so just go take a look if you want a good laugh. "MORE-MAN!!"

i'm so confused!

2008-02-06T19:49:00.000-05:00

... but what's new about that, really?

soon, i promise, soon, i'll get back to the important work of my job application questions and reading my book and further ignoring my various other commitments, but for now this is really bugging me: why is msnbc.com showing obama in the delegate lead, and cnn.com showing hillary in the lead?

as of 8 p.m. EST, msnbc has obama at 838 delegates, and hillary at 834, while cnn has obama at 741 and hillary at 823. those are pretty different numbers and the whole primary process is pretty messy anyway (what with the caucus vs. primary and delegates and superdelgates and pledged and WHATEVER). I AM STRUGGLING HERE, PEOPLE.

i guess news agencies predict things in their own mysterious ways.

hmm ...

2008-02-06T09:54:00.000-05:00

remember my post about the most amazing drug in the universe that was supposed to prevent me from getting migraines AND miracle-of-miracles, make me lose weight (it's called topamax, btw)?? well, i just came back from my month-later follow-up neurologist visit and was slightly disappointed and slightly relieved at the same time (lately i'm all about the contradictions it seems, just a constant roiling ball of them ... what do you think: embrace these or work to eradicate? or something else that starts with 'e'?)

see, i AM relieved i haven't had a migraine. but i haven't passed the true "test" yet which is the days/week of ridiculous hormone levels peaking prior to aunt flo's arrival in town. if i don't get a migraine that week, topamax will indeed prove itself worth its weight in gold (which, to be honest, can't be that much. we're talking about VERY TINY pills here. they weigh like, nothing). but whatever. you know what i mean. [every single year that i age it seems, these motherscratching- blessed- insane hormones get crazier and more intense. maybe other ladies (ahem!) can relate in some way? i never used to have the velociraptor- on- crack PMS and the bloating and the tears and the only upswing is my libido which ... neverfreakingmind. this all means more migraines because they're very hormone-related.]

but disappointingly, i haven't lost THAT much weight. 8-measly-lbs. which, on a real doctor's scale (unlike my home wal-mart scale that pretty much fluctuates according to, oh, the barometric pressure, or say, how i happen to be standing on it: weight on toes [UP], weight on heels [DOWN]) isn't shabby ... but it isn't like, phenomenal. i'd still like to lose 8 MORE, which seems crazy impossible on this miracle drug because guess what: YOU DON'T EAT ANYTHING (and as a result, i think i've slowed my metabolism down to like, semi-starvation levels or something).

yep. that's why everyone loses all the weight on topamax. no appetite. and your jaw is wired shut for a month. (just kidding about that last one). i fight it, of course, in the worst of all possible ways to "diet," because i often don't eat all day (because YOU'RE NEVER or rarely HUNGRY) and then finally decide at like, 7 p.m. that i have to eat something and that something is usually the crap i have in my house which is usually bagels or something equally starchy.

but you want to know the CRAZY PART, people-who-know-me?? i've had a monster-family-size box of junior mints, half-full (no, more than half-full) sitting in my kitchen for four days now. that's the POWER of the drug. that's the kind of NOT-HUNGRY we're talking about here. i just don't even care. i don't even feel like eating them. ever. [i ate like, 10 last night and was all, "oh wow, yuck, candy, i'm just DONE." wtf??]

p.s. check out this pretty funny PMS guide for men (ignore stupid PMS jokes underneath, sorry). i originally got this in an email from my sister in duluth and it cracked me up then. my favorites are "i've always loved you in that robe!" and "here's my paycheck."

totally random bizarreness ...

2008-02-06T07:55:00.000-05:00

but made me chuckle. i hadn't been to one of my fav design sites, swissmiss, in awhile, but got this from there (who of course, got it from someone else ... such is the "viral" coolness of the inter-web: thanks al gore!).

A strange sight at Grand Central. A couple of hundred people, indistinguishable from the 500,000 commuters who pass through the midtown station each day, suddenly freeze. They were part of an improv group which has put on this public event before, but never in such a theatrical space. A cop was asked what was going on: "I have no idea! That is the craziest shit I’ve ever seen in my life, and I'm a cop!"

only 1,284 delegates to go!

2008-02-06T06:52:00.000-05:00

well, according to last night's results: it's a mixed bag for my man obama. he won more states, and a wider variety of states (is that a legitimate category??) than hillary, but didn't get the landslide i was hoping for in california ... overall, i'm happy for him though, and i'm super-proud my home state of minnesota loves obama as much as i do: he won a pretty overwhelming caucus victory there, with still only 80% of votes tallied at 67% to clinton's 32%.

in general, if you read the slate article i link to above (see "mixed bag"), i think things are looking VERY awesome for obama. he's got the money and the time and the only scary thing is that his competition is going to be john mccain. who i was REALLY HOPING would NOT get the g.o.p. nod because i think despite being an old fart in favor of the war, he's actually somewhat respectable and smart and centrist (unlike the crazy mormon and the chuck norris sidekick). damn! it's like voters across the spectrum are wising up or something!

YES. WE. CAN.

the more blogs the better!

2008-02-05T13:48:00.000-05:00

this is my gorgeous cousin alison in the blue with me on new year's eve in duluth, minn. you can't see even a teensy piece of a wine glass in front of her because in this pic she was, i believe 16 weeks pregnant and was under this crazy impression alcohol isn't recommended for growing fetuses (stupid doctors!). [and on another, completely unrelated side note: no, i don't know what the hell is wrong with my eyes in this picture and why it looks like i had an eye lift. they don't normally look like this, so "madam-like" and pulled. my amazing step-sister whom i was visiting, marisa, took the pic, and i'll post a one of us with a story another day ...]

anyhoo, alison. she's (yay yay yay!!!) pregnant and due in early may and was my friend and even roommate for a long time and very recently got herself a blog: oase. it's about her life, her pregnancy, everything. and it has a much neater design than mine, suddenly making me wish i had tried harder to make mine look unique ... hmm ...

the point i'm getting to (slowly, like always, very very slowly) is that alison was saying she was a "super copy cat" for getting a blog because she got one after two people she knows got one. heh-lo? totally CRAZY! that would be like saying everyone in the world was a "super copy cat" for getting an email address or a myspace/facebook page or whatever after the first person did. AND IT'S NOT COPYING IT'S JUST BEING ALIVE. like breathing. bandwagons come and go. blogs are here to stay, i've decided, and it took me a long time to decide that, silly as it sounds. [did we all copy the first person who started saying "fuck a duck"? i did, actually. i read that in a stephen king book when i was in junior high and decided to start saying it then. so I'M TOTAL COPY CAT, OK? but i've been saying it for so long, it feels like mine now ... but i think profanities are in the public domain, are they not?]

and besides: I LOVE READING OTHER PEOPLE'S BLOGS. don't we all in some funny way? it's like this neat blend of voyeurism and just keeping up-to-date on each other's lives/thoughts/ideas ... i love ali's blog already. i love my friend jennifer's blog about her family. i read all kinds of blogs.

one last thing for all the other haters out there [you know who you are, you who shun technology or cry that writing online for a blog isn't useful writing]: JUST STAY OFF THE INTERNET THEN. yep. you heard me. good luck with that. tell me how it goes. SEE: writing is writing is writing. (well, mostly). and i'm finding that the blog is keeping me happier and more creatively inspired than i've been in A LONG WHILE, prompting all sorts of new (imaginative) notions that had previously just been festering ...

so go get your own blogs, everyone! i'll link to you! it will be SO FUN. :) i really think they're cool and handy and inspiring in such a variety of ways ... i only wish more of my family and friends had them for me to bookmark and visit all the time.

yes, we can. hopefully tuesday.

2008-02-04T22:18:00.000-05:00

see below for startlingly moving propaganda video from obama campaign: YES WE CAN. (click on link to go to youtube video and then read "more" details there).

at first it was kind of annoying with the black eyed peas guy and my man barack all talking/singing at the same time. and then i started (i'm SUCH a sap, holy shit, i know) listening to the words and the music got louder and suddenly it was beautiful and i got goosebumps! it's actually a really amazing song, wow! but you know me-- i'm a cynic and a romantic, all rolled into one. (such an enigma, ooohh ...)

[anyway, obama's getting a lot of flak for all his celebrity endorsements, but IT'S TOUGH WHEN YOU'RE SO WONDERFUL and you're the only candidate who stands for real change and hope and peace and so on.] whatever. enjoy the beautiful people singing here, and enjoy the music of this brilliant man's voice -- i hope super tuesday is good to him tomorrow so that we might get to hear it for the next four years at least.

YES WE CAN - various artists, celebrities ...

my old fantasy ...

2008-02-04T07:53:00.000-05:00

i used to have (er, scratch that: i STILL HAVE) this swiss family robinson-ish tree house fantasy. i think that movie just had some sort of freaky-weird huge impression on me at an early age or something, because i totally want to have, like 10 kids and go live on an island in a giant tree house and have ostrich races and pet monkeys and dumb waiters (and pandas, duh) in my own familial utopia of sorts. completely sick and demented, i realize. where would i get books? if i let my 10 kids run around naked all the time (thus not being raised an increasingly westernized body-conscious, no, make that BODY-SHAMED locker-room mentality), how will they ever adapt to say, life at the sorbonne once they get in? ahhh ... these are the "tough" questions indeed. (also: how to prevent the tigers you raised as cubs from eating one of your 10 kids? i mean, INSTINCT is INSTINCT, you know? can you blame them?)

but i digress. of course. because i ALWAYS do this.

i really just wanted to show you this awesome link to architecture's "top 8 most amazing tree houses," here at someone's blog. i was just talking about tree houses with my old advisor last week because he's building his kids a neat one, so i googled them this morning and found this recent "top 8" link. these are fun (see my favorite of the eight below, and please send me links to other neat ones online if you find them!), but none of them really evoke that swiss-family-nostalgia i was hoping for. ah well, the searching is half the fun of the finding, you know ...

not new, but still fun ...

2008-02-03T19:01:00.000-05:00

and: startlingly accurate. [because, duh, i DO have a good voice for TV and radio (a "perfect face for radio," a kindly drama teacher once told me, aw shucks ...).] no, but because of the whole where-i'm-from thing. born and raised in minnesota, lived out west for four years, then have lived in the south for four years ...? how DID THIS QUIZ KNOW THIS?? i tried to be crazy-truthful and not answer anything to make me sound like anything other than I AM.

whatever. have fun and try it and tell me if it was scary-accurate for you, too.

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
North Central
The West
The South
Boston
The Inland North
Philadelphia
The Northeast
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

i think i can can't wait ...

2008-02-02T09:08:00.000-05:00

for this hilarious documentary to come out -- it's young at heart (click for official site), and i almost wet myself when i saw the preview last night i laughed so much. and it was that sweet kind of gut-laughing, you know: poignant humor (not the will ferrell sort; which isn't bad at all, just not as dear). i wish i didn't have to wait until april to see it, alas ...

enjoy!

trailer for young at heart:

a "teachable moment"? [LONG]

2008-02-01T09:31:00.000-05:00

i remember back in Composition Theory, the grad class we were required to take if we english grad students (i was one of these, sort of) were going to teach freshmen comp, what our prof referred to constantly as "teachable moments." they were these moments in the classroom when something unexpected would happen, say in discussion, or just ... in life, and you, as the instructor, had to think on your feet about how to make something potentially awkward and/or traumatizing/embarrassing into something "teachable." [cough.] well.

needless to say, there have been PLENTY of these over my few short years teaching so far, some of them poignant, many of them awkward, and many of them (i hope ...) funny.

take last night, for example.

since i teach public speaking, and since i also hate cell phones in class [especially texting! you fools! it's SO FUCKING obvious you're doing this, can't you tell? i can't stand this, argh.], i almost always, every class, make a point to hold up my phone at the beginning of class, turn it on "silent" and ask the class to do the same. i make the same lame joke every time that i prefer 'silent' over 'off' so i can see my missed calls because i'm so popular and i get so many calls, blah blah blah which is a BIG joke because i am really a loser and mention this and really never get any calls. whatever.

except in last night's class i forget to do this.

and OF COURSE THE ONE TIME I FORGET MY PHONE RINGS. IN CLASS:

ring. ring.

me: oh holy crap! i can't believe i left my phone on! i'm such a hypocrite. quick, everyone, turn your phones off! i'm so sorry!!

class: [laughing and laughing.]

kids in class: who is it? see who it is!

me: darn [i try REALLY hard not to swear in class], it's my dad. i'm such a dork. no one calls me except my parents. i'm so lame.

class: [laughs] answer it!

me: in class? are you kidding? we're doing important work!!

smart-aleck-funny-kid: i'll answer it, quick, pass it to me!

me: uh ... ok, here, press the green button.

kid: hello? [he has a deep voice. the class is trying SO HARD to contain their giggles. it is actually, quite hysterical.]

kid again: this is her student. [smiles] we're actually in her class right now.

[snorts from around the room. everyone is straining to hear every word.]

kid again: no, no, it's OK. no problem, i'll tell her. you have a good night, too. good bye. [hangs up.]

me: what did he say??

[class is CRACKING UP, btw.]

kid: [hands phone back to me.] he said he'd call you back later.

me: oh, OK. thanks.

kid: sure. anytime.

and that, people, is a "teachable moment," except i'm still working on WHAT exactly was "taught," except recovering from embarrassment through humor, maybe? it seemed MUCH longer in class, so i'm probably leaving something out ... god, but it was really funny. i should've put my dad on speaker phone, damn. maybe next time ...

got this from a student ...

2008-01-30T08:12:00.000-05:00

she said liked the "hug" video we watched in class so much, she wanted to return the favor and send me something to make me smile (very sweet gesture!), so she sent me the link to this youtube video. it's short, but if you don't smile watching it, there is something VERY WRONG with the wiring in your brain, i'm not kidding.

super-ridiculously-cute baby laughing home video from sweden:
[= "could you be having more fun?"]

headline i didn't see anywhere this morning:

2008-01-30T07:27:00.000-05:00

"mccain wins florida because he is old"

go hug someone!

2008-01-29T07:46:00.000-05:00

last fall when i saw this dave matthews band video for the first time, i was so taken with it, i showed it to all my classes at the beginning of the term. for no particular reason, except that it makes you feel good inside-- kind of warm and glowy and smiley. and so that's what i told my students in my first two classes of the week yesterday: this really isn't related to class, but we're starting some speeches today and i want everyone to be relaxed and happy. i think i even said to my second class when i showed them the link to the video at our class website, and later explained about the whole Being A Good Audience smiling-nodding-encouraging it's-a-karma thing: "pass it forward, you know! be good to each other. go hug someone." they smiled and nodded. :)

DMB, "everyday" [i call it the "hug" video. some call it the "nicest video ever."]

finally ...

2008-01-28T10:59:00.000-05:00

a funny mcsweeny's: "my pet peeves"

here's just a taste:

Those pretentious phonies who say "pasta" instead of paste or "Boca Raton" instead of rat's mouth.

When a can of cheap peas says "Pea Color and Size May Vary" and inside there's just one giant blue pea.

Halloween decorations in a hospice.

my man IS BACK, hot damn!

2008-01-26T23:45:00.000-05:00

no, heath ledger has not arisen from the dead --

OBAMA WON SOUTH CAROLINA, YIPEEEE!!!!!

(in case you care a super-lot, click here to go to CNN's link to SC's results. he totally kicked clinton's ass, 55% to 27% [edwards at a dismal, but still prodigious 18%; why hasn't he dropped out yet for christ's sake???]).

i've got my fingers crossed for super tuesday (not double-crossed, because that's bad luck, DUH). the anticipation is killing me!!

time to go grocery shopping?

2008-01-26T12:26:00.000-05:00

my cats are now eating DOG FOOD out of their cat dishes outside on the table on the deck (where they eat/drink/live these days for the most part).

to be fair, they did have regular cat food as recently as this morning, but then ate it all and still looked hungry, hanging out by their bowls and staring at me through the patio doors expectantly. since there was no more cat food, i thought "what the hell-- i think i saw one of them eating this stuff before, just on a whim," so, i put some sam's club brand ("high performance," because my dogs are NOTHING except high performing, well-oiled machines of grace and manners) chow into the bowls and then watched as pekka, my black cat, plowed through it. (the other one mysteriously had disappeared, perhaps knowing something was amiss in the universe).

what cracked me up though, was the sound of the cat eating dog food. it sounded much like a dog eating dog food (which shouldn't be surprising: when pekka eats potato chips, it sounds just like me eating potato chips, ha). her poor little cat teeth!

oh well. she can handle it for a couple hours. i'm off to the grocery store shortly. here's an old pic of pekka in (well, you can't tell here so much, but it's red, and was intended for an infant) her most lovely dress (yes, i'm sick, sick, sick):

i am becoming my step-mother, slowly [long!]

2008-01-26T10:16:00.000-05:00

in the ol' nature vs. nurture debate (which always predictably ends in the tired "it's a combination of both!" answer), one fun thing is to see the ways i've become an adult woman like my step-mom, who was really my full-time mom growing up (and a wonderful one, too -- no fairy tale evilness to be found anywhere, except for perhaps a wicked sense of humor. more on that another day ...)

one of the ways I AM BECOMING HER, i've noticed lately (maybe because i'm over this 30 hump and have crossed over into a mystical I DON'T GIVE A CRAP ANYMORE state of being?) is my uncharacteristic lack of public embarrassment. this was a major issue growing up. my step-mom is a loud, vibrant, semi-obnoxious (in a good way) woman. she should've been born african-american and attended a call-and-response baptist church where people yell back at the preacher with their heart and soul, because this is what my mom does IN GENERAL.

she breaks out in song in the grocery store and dances a shuffle waiting in line at target. she laughs so loud at the movies that people turn to stare at her (and often tears stream down her face she's laughing so hard). when she sees a baby looking at her, she talks and coos to it loudly and sweetly, inevitably making the baby smile and laugh (this could be in an elevator or a cafe or a waiting room ...). if someone hits their kid in public, she makes a BIG SCENE, watch out. she is never afraid of anyone, never afraid to make a scene.

now, when i was a kid, this drove me INSANE. i was an attention-whore, to be sure, in my own self-centered way, i know, but i was all about propriety and manners and not embarrassing oneself in public. i had a bohemian heart, but not soul, and so often i wished for a soccer mom who shopped at l.l. bean instead of garage sales and didn't squat by the side of road to pee or pick wildflowers while clean (brand-new!) cars sped past.

however ... people change. you grow up. (could i be more trite? sorry.) my step-mom is now one of my heroes. little changes started happening in me a few years ago ... i noticed my braying donkey laugh embarrsed certain boyfriends at movie theaters, and instead of caring, i only thought, "eh, i'm LOVING this with my heart. go fuck yourself." and then too, for some time now (years, i think), i've been one of those people who talks obnoxiously to strangers' babies and kids, making silly faces and cooing and so on. (one exBF actually suggested i leave other people's kids alone and i told him that since i was making the babies smile, to basically go fuck himself [sigh.]).

and then yesterday:

yes, i was happy as can be to see MY MAN, my candidate, my HOPE for the future my CHANGE CANDIDATE, barack obama come speak here at my redneck sorority-fraternity-lovin' school on the eve of our state's democratic primary (yes, i AM A SUPER POLITICAL NERD: i was at the polls this morning at 8:30 a.m.: voter #9!).

and the point i'm about to make, connecting mom-story with obama-worship, is that from my woodchip-cluttered position outside the security fray at the obama rally (still surrounded by people, and a few friends), i was THE ONLY ONE CLAPPING AND CHEERING WILDLY. granted, i was with an older couple who are fairly staunch edwards fans, but was everyone else in my 30-ft radius?? no, can't be. so what was wrong with these people?

obama would say something inspiring, or funny, or smart, and the die-hard fans up by the amphitheater's stage would cheer and applaud, but around me it was like a goddamn graveyard. some guy in front of me kept glancing back at me every time i would whoop and yell and clap (well, i WAS the only person doing so nearby, and doing so LOUDLY), but for christ's sake, people, show some love! it's cold outside and we need HOPE and CHANGE and someone full of new ideas in washington, so quit looking at me like that, asshats, and put your hands together!! (i wished desperately that i could do one of those loud whistles with my mouth, index finger and thumb. but i can barely whistle with, uh, my own lips and mouth ...)

i kept thinking of my mom then. and how she wouldn't care if NO ONE was cheering. she would still yell. and clap. and tell him he's got the right ideas. she'd probably say something funny or smart-alecky to the dude i kept embarrassing, maybe get him into it somehow. and maybe she'd work her way down to the stage, and eventually get pulled away for trying to kiss obama's cheek. (or uh, his mouth. she remains to this day, much bolder than me).

but i'm working on it, slowly but surely. it's a nice thing to do, this letting go of insecurities ... some people cringe to think of becoming their mother or father, but i smile and hope with my heart i will.

intimacy boosters - you're kidding, right?

2008-01-24T08:58:00.000-05:00

my bio-mother warned me my sarcasm had reached new lows on christmas (i really don't recall being sarcastic at all that day, but sometimes she misinterprets the witty banter between my brother and i as sarcasm, i think; her sense of humor being ... uh, "different"), so i tried to keep it in check a bit over the holidays. but sometimes i can't help it. like when i read this yahoo article on "4 instant intimacy boosters," because they were all so trite and lame and booooohri [gghhhzzz ... !!! whoa. i fell asleep on the laptop there for a sec reading them again.]

they included "adding adventure" (such as a rock climbing class, or even a roller coaster ride, in a pinch), "cyber-flirting" (i.e., talking dirty to each other with your OWN instant-messenger accounts, CRAZY-VILLE HERE WE COME), "showing up on each other's turf" (you know, he comes to your yoga class, you watch him play frisbee golf or whatever. yawn.), and the SUPA-BALZ-OUT FINAL intimacy booster: "take a walk on the wild side" (e.g., have sex on a monday night).

oh wow. wow. wow. wow.

maybe i don't want to get married.

i mean, i always did. i do. (haha). but i've never had these problems. maybe because of kids? (rather, their dearth in my serious relationships?) maybe i've just been lucky with my men?? tell me friends, IS THIS THE SORT OF THING I HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO WHEN/IF I GET MARRIED??? where "monday night sex" is wild and smut talk on an IM account is taboo? a roller coaster ride gets me hot and bothered (because i'm a freaking mennonite??)? oh holy hell. i sort of want to cry now.

instead, i will propose my own four "intimacy boosters" for couples:

1. surf the web for porn together, discussing likes and dislikes, turn-ons and turn-offs. most people, whether they admit it or not, get very turned on by porn. [guaranteed to make you uncomfortable at first, but then that will wear off and you WILL WANT TO DO IT A.S.AP.]
2. lay in bed and discuss full-blown, top-secret, maybe-you-shouldn't-actually fantasies with each other. this could done on be a saturday afternoon, or a regular weeknight. preferably both, with different, new stories. (you know you have more in there, you're just keeping them tucked away for safe keeping -- why?) anyhoo, i'm not suggesting you ACT THESE OUT, fools. just talking about them is fun. (and no holding back, that's lame. i mean the REAL HARD-CORE GOODS here or it's boring).
3. consider having sex in a public place. just consider it. (your car only sort of counts, sorry. and it really DOESN'T COUNT if it's in your driveway).
4. this is an oldie but a goodie for both him AND her: write something totally pornographic. like, over-the-top, cheeseball-city, full of extremely wet, lurid details. it will turn you on to write it. it will turn them on to read it. and so on and so forth. erotica is vastly underestimated these days.

i have more probably ... but won't post them here for decency's sake. i was actually going to put more obnoxious suggestions up at first like, "#1: go to a donkey show together in tijuana on your next romantic getaway!" but then decided that sometimes my family reads this and that wouldn't be funny to them, just sad, and maybe it is ... but [cough!] i think i've already said too much here today. about this. sex. you know ...

"religion could be a key issue in SC primary"

2008-01-23T21:56:00.000-05:00

really?

no, really?? the subheading of this ABC news video i just watched online was "in south carolina, there's no separating church and politics."

the spin on THIS piece was african-american churches and their support for obama, with a passing reference to something-like "it's not just conservative churches who tell people how to vote."

uhm, even though i love obama (though wish he and hillary would sort of shut up with their petulant squabbling and rhetorical barbs), i do awesomely LOATHE the lack of separation of church and state here in The South.

i know sometimes i make comparisons to The South and to third-world (sorry: "developing") nations, and maybe this is insulting. but honestly, The South had a little economic setback after 1865 ... and then with the jim crow laws they let sit around in existence, and the anti-union laws ... the result of which was the southern economy being largely agrarian with some textiles here and there, and its people being ill-educated. all this while a large proportion of the populace went on living in poverty while much of The South's wealth was concentrated in the hands of few ... this is not unlike a developing nation in many respects.

let's see ...

strom thurmond = augusto pinochet (except strom was in power WAY longer)
mardi gras = carnival in brazil
southern baptists/evangelicals/whatevers = vatican/mecca/whatever
+ small middle class
+ high(er) infant mortality
+ low(er) literacy rates
[i could and should do more, but now i'm tired and yes, also stupid, and just want to go to bed.]

whatever. i'm not angry. i'm glad people are voting (esp for obama!), are participating in the democratic process, you know the drill ... and there are MANY LOVELY things about The South, or i wouldn't be here, would i? i love so much about this place.

i just don't think church should tell you who to vote for. church should tell you to act with compassion to everyone you meet, everyone in your small community and your global community. then let your heart tell you who is the best person to greet the world with love, humility, and tolerance. (probably NOT chuck norris and his crazy baptist running-mate ...)

he was a damn sexy cowboy

2008-01-22T21:20:00.000-05:00

other very important things ...

2008-01-22T10:03:00.000-05:00

[me? quick to divert attention from my asinine splinter post? why no ...] my, wall street looks anxious today, doesn't it? and look at those oscar nominations! (i KNEW juno would get a few nods. i just read diablo cody's book [this is the gal who wrote juno] candy girl: a year in the life of an unlikely stripper, and it was entertaining if not particularly revelatory).

but as for the crazy-worldwide-tumbling stock market (apparently amid fears an impending U.S. recession will have a global reach), i like the author's last word of this DIRECT QUOTE from a CNNmoney article (emphasis definitely MINE) from this morning:

Among stocks to watch, financial stocks are likely to take another hit after Bank of America and Wachovia both posted dismal results due to the mortgage and credit mess.

i like how this isn't then explained, because we should all (by now) know what the "mortgage and credit mess" is. hilarious. i wish there was a link to THAT, our current MESS.

slow weekend, sylvia?

2008-01-21T21:17:00.000-05:00

welcome to the drama of my existence on this spinning orb. this is what it has come to. i'm posting on my blog about the splinter under my fingernail I WENT AND GOT REMOVED AT THE DOCTOR'S today.

good god.

[i also went to the southeastern world championship bull ride this weekend, but that was fairly low-key, albeit kind of fun in a wholesome sort of way. no gorings, just rodeo clowns, cold hot dogs (!), and my own bad timing -- i missed the two most successful rides of the night during bathroom stops for christ's sake. and yes, i remained steadfast in my lifetime commitment to NEVER RIDE A MECHANICAL BULL. EVER.]

as for the splinter, i would like to note that i only went to the doctor for this stupid splinter because my mother insisted. it was a depressing moment at 10:30 last night to realize that i had no close friends in the vicinity (my only one nearby was out of town, and it was too late to knock on my new neighbor's door with the bizarre request of "will you do me a teensy favor? can you pull this skin here on my middle finger back VERY HARD?") see, i think i maybe could've gotten it out with a third hand, but i didn't have one.

as it was, i tried and tried (see these online directions, I TRIED, OK??) to extract it myself in the bright lights over my bathroom sink with sharp tweezers and the scalpel-like edge of some old toenail clippers. i didn't have alcohol. i only managed to cut the nail down really far, and in the process, also cut down the splinter ... (btw, this was a FAT piece o' wood we're talking about here, not super-long, like a quarter-inch, tops, but as wide around as ... uh ...spaghetti? but more flat? does that make sense? don't ask how this piece of wood from my deck got under my fingernail on a sunday night. i don't really understand myself. i was just trying to get the dogs out, keep the cats from getting in ...) THE POINT IS, all i did to my splinter was make it bleed and throb profoundly. and auto-amateur surgery made me sweaty and light-headed for unknown reasons (when i told a friend this today, i assumed it was because i was a chicken-shit. he suggested it was more likely because i was holding my breath. what is it about tweezer operations that yes, requires the holding of breath??)

so. i waited for 1.5 hours at a crowded urgent care (quite happy reading this though, i must say) for my stupid splinter (and later paid $67 since it's january and of course i haven't met my deductible yet this year). i felt guilty for even being there. seeing people with runny eyes and obvious fevers and coughing up lungs i wanted to tell the lady at the desk that "really, i was only kidding. a splinter?? haha. it won't get infected! i HATE hypochondriacs! i've had ONE antibiotic in 18 years, one! i'll just go home now, ok?" but i was enjoying my book and honestly didn't want to deal with eventual over-the-phone-mother-wrath ("you SAID you were going to go to the doctor, why didn't you go? you WANTED to get an infection, is that it?"). so i stayed. the doctor took the ridiculous thing out in less than one second.

and i'm glad i stayed because guess what? i got a tetanus shot! i lied about this on my vaccination/immunization paperwork before grad school! i haven't had one since i was 11 when i ripped my knee on that rusty fence nail in alaska! (jesus, i am a clumsy excuse for a human being. it's a LONG list). so, i should've had my last tetanus shot nine years ago, i think.

this concludes the most boring blog post in the history of the universe. [my apologies to every single person reading this who has suffered from actual physical pain ...]

from last august: 14th annual emperor awards

2008-01-20T08:29:00.000-05:00

got forwarded this link from my dad, a retired teacher. he forwards me MANY things (most of which come from other retired teachers), but this one actually cracked me up.

behold, the 14th annual emperor awards (from 22 august 2007).

it's a guest commentary on the "irascible professor's" website, and it lauds with various awards the groundbreaking research in education presented in 2007, as well as brilliant, novel approaches to teaching found both in the U.S. and around the world. here are a couple of the best snippets -- go to the web page to read the whole thing:

The Paris Hilton Activism Navel Ring celebrates undergraduates who "learned about the homeless experience the hard way." The "hard way" consisted of camping out on the college green for a night in an exercise similar to what was once known as camping out in the backyard for a night. Cardboard boxes were situated on and under tarps "to ward off raindrops," and in a sacrificial effort to replicate the "plight" of the homeless, students were permitted only sleeping bags and their pillows and forced to survive until dawn without "cell phones or other electronics."

and later ...

Outshining even that brilliant suggestion is the nationwide "Walk to School" campaign, in which twenty-first century students take a day to re-enact what twentieth century students used to do every day. Promising to boost academic achievement by enhancing physical fitness, promoters typically find time for walk-to-school activities by canceling academic classes, since naturally no one can be expected to walk to school before school on their own time. Instead, educators devise creative alternatives, like taking a short walk to nowhere on the street in front of the school. To these guardians of the student body, the Academy presents its Distinguished Priorities Cross.

for a lazy saturday afternoon ...

2008-01-19T16:09:00.000-05:00

see below. right-click "open link in new tab" and enjoy. (won't let me embed the video ... maybe because you might take up the cello, and then watch how ol' rostropovich does it here and become WAY more famous than him. you never can be too careful. but then why is it ON YOUTUBE??)

[sigh.] i could listen to this piece over and over. [sometimes i do.]

turn up the volume and feast your ears:
rostropovich plays the prelude from bach's cello suite no. 1

snow! here!

2008-01-17T07:41:00.000-05:00

southern snow is something to marvel at indeed. it started snowing last night around 6:30 here, and then kept going for hours until it turned to slush in the middle of the night sometime. last night i couldn't stop staring at it fall, like i've never seen snow before in my life (when in fact, i just spent 2+ weeks up north, and got my fill), but i think that's because usually it snows here ONCE EVERY 3-4 YEARS.

unsurprisingly, 140 closings/delays have been reported ... i'd like to say something snotty about how it's because people down here go crazy when it snows and suddenly can't drive and after an inch of snow there are cars littering the ditches (true!), but the truth is that the state just has no plows, no salt, no sand to help out the roads in these crises. and while cars that were driving 10 mph can litter ditches all they please, i think my heart would break if i saw a school bus in a ditch.

last night i went to wal-mart an hour or so after it started snowing, and it was really coming down, hypnotizing me on the road like a snow-kaleidoscope, swirling in big, wet fluffy clumps. such a beautiful sight. everyone at wal-mart was in a state of confusion and happy awe. people were underdressed. people were overdressed. when i was done shopping, the parking lot now seemed to be under an inch of snow, at least, and people were SNOW-DRUNK, in a good way. kids were throwing snowballs and yelling, old people were laughing, a wal-mart dude actually took my shopping cart back to the "cart corral" FOR ME (then giddily told me to "drive safe!"). the best was this little african-american baby, sitting in the shopping cart next to the family's minivan while his mom was loading the groceries into the car. he was just smiling with his little hands on the cart handle, smiling up at the snow in the dark with his tongue out, hoping to catch some of that magic there while it lasted.

[p.s. pic of augusta road (above) in greenville was a "reader-submitted" photo taken last night and submitted to GreenvilleOnline.]

omg! he did it!

2008-01-16T13:14:00.000-05:00

my youngest brother, ross (19), JUST FREAKING JOINED THE NAVY!!

i'm in shock and awe (sorry for that, couldn't be helped) and am really excited and happy for him! apparently he scored a 99% on his combined entrance tests so has his pick of jobs (he also passed the physical with "flying colors," which isn't a phrase i'd want used for my physical exam results, but whatever). he's probably going to try and be a nuclear technician on an aircraft carrier, which requires like, two years of school first and then you get paid pretty well and can make rank quickly if you work hard.

so, congratulations, ross! everybody's proud of you. we'll be even prouder if you survive boot camp -- but not too surprised. you might want to start running now. a lot. and lifting weights. and getting used to taking a crap in front of other men.

late christmas greeting from reagan:

2008-01-16T07:42:00.000-05:00

[i forgot to post this before the holidays, oops. honestly though, why didn't anyone send ME a carton of cigarettes for christmas? reagan has passed away and i admit it's pretty tough to find the "christmas-card" carton of camel lights these days, but i can't drag up a single holiday memory of a close friend or relative sitting at a table surrounded by cartons of cigarettes, addressing them as the "merriest" of gifts. oh well, there's always next year ... (p.s. LOVE the horse-bookend, btw. why don't i have any bookends, i wonder? just stacks and piles and shelves overflowing ... that bookend screams "I'M SMART ENOUGH TO HAVE BOOKS REQUIRING BOOKENDS, yet i'm also an outdoorsman who likes horses" does it not? oh, reagan you goofy Great Manipulator!]

boomlet?

2008-01-15T20:36:00.000-05:00

what kind of a word is "boomlet," CNN?

well, that's what they're using to refer to the upswing in U.S. babies being born. but they didn't need census data to tell them that, they could've just ASKED ME. (see my december post where based on my own empirical research, etc., i concluded EVERYONE IN THE UNIVERSE BESIDES ME was pregnant).

what's interesting is that the boomlet (the word is actually kind of growing on me now, like a good kind of tumor) is bucking the trend of other western nations toward fewer children, CNN reported. but instead of blaming the rising birthrate on women who were successful enough in life to find someone to reproduce with them (a positive thing!), apparently "experts" also cite "a mix of reasons: a decline in contraceptive use, a drop in access to abortion, poor education and poverty" (negative things!).

to be fair, the article goes on to say americans also just like children, and we like having a lot of them when we're doing well and prospering. [we're doing well? with oil at $100 a barrel, soaring debt, the war in iraq, all those foreclosures??? huh. somebody shoot me, i had no idea.]

argh. i. will. stop. writing. about. kids. babies. now.

[i'm applying for jobs in cali-for-ni-yay! the wine country! i'll keep you posted. i'm sure i'll be sending in my application packet for these positions along with 7,000 candidates, so while there's a good possibility i'll be blogging from my parents' garage next year at this time, let's hope not!]

p.s. oh. well, i guess CNN didn't invent the word "boomlet," some demographers did. those crazy demographers! first they invent the word "census" back in the 1800s or something, then "boom," and now "boomlet." maybe they should just go get jobs with webster's if they want to be so fancy with words.

precious moments (NOT the figurines, puke ...)

2008-01-15T06:01:00.000-05:00

i started teaching spring classes yesterday, which is always fun. i love the first week. and the second week. most all weeks, actually. i [gulp!] love my job.

there's always this precious moment of stillness the first day, when everyone is now seated, all is quiet, and ALL EYES ON ARE ON FRONT OF THE ROOM. i'm busying myself with, oh, writing my name on the board, and then also writing the list up there of what we'll be doing that day. i LOVE this moment, hate to break the solemn potential of a class before it has become a class. this moment is so sweet ("stay gold ponyboy, stay gold") because soon we'll get to know each other and there will be the equally-treasured familiarity and joviality, where no one ever shuts up when class starts until i clear my throat like, 15 times and fake a stroke and then they're all laughing and paying attention. [aside about the list of stuff on board: i've always done this, for myself, as well as for students. one student wrote under 'instructor weaknesses' on my evaluations from the fall term, "sometimes sylvia gets a little off track and likes to just talk with her students socially, but if she puts her list up on the board, everything goes well." lol. he or she is dead-on. and if this was the only weakness they he/she could come up with, things are OK.]

well, two first-classes over with, four more to go. four more unique moments to treasure. but these moments, fleeting as they are, give way to what is also THE MOST IMPORTANT CLASS of the semester. numero uno. you know how they say in a job interview, the, uh, "hirer" decides in the first 30 seconds if you're going to get the job or not? i feel like in the first 60 minutes of a class decide the students are going to love it or hate it. and try as i might to be more ... professorial ... i think "if the students love it, they will want to come to class. if they love the class, they will trust me and the advice i have to offer. if they trust me and listen to my advice, they will become (hopefully!) better at the subject ..." and on ad infinitum.

cicero and quintilian had lots of advice on teaching students about speaking, quintilian in particular about teaching students in general. he did some wonderful writing about the importance of character, how to be a good speaker, you needed first to BE A GOOD PERSON. which, cheesy as it sounds, is true. (i don't tell my students this. maybe i should). so how to teach this? i guess i don't think you do "teach" this. you model it.

so, for those of you doubters out there, those of you who think i'm teaching the easiest classes in the world (maybe a little true), there's a method to my madness. it revolves around liking my students (loving them?), and being accessible and funny and wishing in my heart (while i'm teaching) that i could hug them all and smile and tell them: "you're doing JUST FINE. you've made it this far, so you're in good shape. you're going to be WONDERFUL, just wait."

but most of them already are.

birth stuff (boys, go read maxim or something)

2008-01-14T08:20:00.000-05:00

uhm. some of my readers know that before i wanted to be anything, i wanted to be a surgeon (as a kid), then in early adolescence, an OB-GYN. but by mid-late high school i was too scared of medical school science classes and had fallen in love with stories of rural midwives in latin america and wanted to just be a nurse-midwife. (i had idealistic visions of learning midwifery once in an MS program, and then again in the developing world "field" ... [and look what i'm doing with my life now. SIGH. the story of how i ended up majoring in english is a boring one, evidencing only my own laziness.]

anyhoodle, i wanted to do these jobs because i was so obsessively fascinated by pregnancy, childbirth, babies, and the women behind all of this magical madness. i loved women. i still do love women, duh. even if it ends up i can't have my own children (for whatever fucking reason), i still might someday come back to this alternate career as a midwife/doula. (you know how on seinfeld, george always wanted to be an architect, so he kind of almost ... thinks he's an architect ... but mostly he just likes saying "i always wanted to be an architect, you know." it's like that with me and midwifery, seriously pathetic as it sounds).

where am i going with this again??

oh yeah: slate just did a review of ricki lake's documentary "the business of being born," which slate calls her "valentine to the home-birth movement," lol. i think it's a good review (and i haven't even seen the film, so my opinion really matters here, i know) mainly because while it acknowledges lake has some good points to make about home deliveries, the review points out that the filmmakers' agenda is to suggest home-birth is A GOOD IDEA FOR EVERY MOTHER. which is crazy-preachy. i'm crazy-preachy myself too much of the time, so i immediately detect it in others. (like my other worst qualities, i detest them in others because i really hate them in myself).

but i wonder: would i attempt a home-birth, ever? i have no idea. i guess it all depends on a million other factors. (such as: is there a hospital in close driving-distance? has it been a healthy pregnancy? is babykins positioned correctly at the right time? is my midwife a wizened sage or a 15-year-old neighbor girl? etc. the list goes on).

well, it's fun to think about as i sit here drinking very strong coffee, smoking, blogging ... birth is often on my mind, ridiculous as it seems ...

SUPER CHEESY ALERT: yes, in a moment of weakness a few years ago i (gulp!) read five people you meet in heaven by mitch albom. [again, i'm not proud of this, but i had heard good things ...] everyone, the main character finds out, has their own kind of heaven. heaven is different for everyone, based on the life they lived (more or less). well anyway, one thing stuck with me (was the part that made me cry in the book): the character that was the old man's wife, having died years before he did, has a very sweet kind of personal heaven: she goes from one wedding to the next all over the world, all the time. to her, this is the most beautiful moment in a lifetime -- when a couple is happiest and most optimistic and full of love and promise and everything else. that's HER heaven, seeing all these deliriously happy people start the adventures of their lives together.

of course, it was more poetic than i could put here. but even reading that then, i felt like if i had my own heaven, it would be seeing babies be born, all the time. it's hard to see a baby be born and not have tears spring from your eyes. hard not to be awed, cowed by the power and energy of the universe and sweat and blood (literally) of the mother. just thinking about it, visualizing it, i get goosebumps.

i am not a religious person. i never will be. but i believe in the SOMETHING. the power that runs through all living things. and every birth, to me, is evidence of something holy, miraculous, sublime -- maybe it's just the complete physical manifestation of LOVE.

belated rant post (long, sorry!)

2008-01-12T14:43:00.000-05:00

ok, disclaimer: i have been known to talk in movies. [insert snorting from friends.] that said, since I HATE TALKING IN MOVIES, i do in nearly inaudible whispers, leaning in SO ONLY THE PERSON I'M TALKING TO can hear me. this makes sense, right? no one else needs to hear my editorializing.

now: as some of you know, i LOVED the movie juno and saw it twice, the second time last weekend here in The South. i was partial to this movie for 100 reasons, one of them being that the main character and her friend reminded me all-too-well of how my friends and i were in high school (except juno and her BFF were startlingly wittier and cooler than we were -- those two chicks were pretty much what my h.s. friends aspired to be in mpls: we were into freaky shit. we were wildly profane. we listened to "alternative" music (when it WAS). we skipped classes and did weird, artsy things. we wore thrift store clothes and vans and chuck taylors. we had weird families. we made stupid movies and one of us (not me!) got pregnant and kept the baby ...)

so, i was getting a little annoyed during my second, dixie-screening of juno when the row of freaky-goody-goodies behind us wouldn't FUCKING SHUT UP. mostly it annoyed me because they giggled and whispered during the most serious scenes, the ones that made me cry. the ones where the audience was supposed to be in a collective hush, awed by the cinema's ability to make our hearts be still, our breathing stop momentarily ... and then a snort/chortle/loud-whisper from my peanut gallery. aaaaarrrrgghhhh.

at first i ignored them, as is my (usual) non-confrontational way.

then, i got TOO PISSY! i actually turned around sharply once (or TWICE!) to glare. this shut them up momentarily.

however, during the end of the movie, and during what are admittedly the film's most evocative, most powerful scenes (thereby marking the permanent shift [it had been gradual until then] from lighthearted comedy to serious drama), where i was bawling, i heard the whispering and snickering A-FUCKING-GAIN.

couldn't believe it. obviously, they were young, immature, couldn't handle the emotional impact of the film, blah blah blah. whatever. i debated pouring my diet coke on them i was so ticked.

instead, without even looking at them, i just gave them the finger. i held it there a bit, to make sure they all saw it. they did. they got quiet. they stayed quiet until the movie was over. if one of them talked, a girl somewhere nearby shushed them. it was SO NICE. :) like a movie should be.

CRAZY PART I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE WENT ON TO HAPPEN:
leaving the theater, there was a young (h.s.? college?) girl standing alone, looking around. i thought, "uh oh, it was one of them. she's going to apologize for the talking during the movie. now i feel bad i flipped them off. i'm such an asshole. i never do stuff like that -- what came over me??"

uhm ... no. not really at all.

girl to me: "excuse me, can i talk to you?" [but imagine with a heavy southern twang. every day i live here i get more and more prejudiced against the south, it's so funny. before i lived here i really loved it.]

me: "yes?"

girl: "i just wanted to let you know that i thought what you did there in the theater was totally inappropriate."

me: [shock and disbelief. what has the fucking world come to? why is she SAYING THIS TO ME? SHE AND HER FRIENDS WERE THE RUDE ONES.] "are you kidding? you guys were being so obnoxious, talking during the whole movie."

girl: "well, it wasn't me so much as my friends, but still, you had no right to do that, to do that obscene gesture. it was very rude."

me: [what the hell did she think of juno then? they said "fuck" all the time in that movie. what is wrong with these young people??? i wanted to say "go fuck yourself, i had every right to flip you off you ignorant bitch," i really did. instead:] "giving someone the finger is WAY LESS RUDE than talking during an entire movie, i'm sorry. you're being ridiculous." [and instead of being charmingly patronizing or something, i was actually VERY angry.]

girl: [flustered, i think she could tell I WAS SO PISSED I MIGHT TAKE MY MIDDLE FINGERS AND BREAK HER LITTLE 80 LB BODY IN HALF] "well, uh, i'm sorry ... but it was uncalled for..."

[here was where i was already walking away, out the door, ignoring her.] my friend, g, was trying valiantly to contain his laughter, i learned. apparently, he thought i merely held up a "please be quiet" sort of hand during the movie. he didn't know i gave them the finger until the end of this exchange, and thought that was HILARIOUS.

mrah. it is funny in retrospect. bastard righteous kids. i have no respect for adolescents who didn't make some attempt to ... fight the system in h.s. ... churchy kids, boring kids who followed the rules, who didn't do anything wild or dangerous or didn't read freaky books and didn't feel tortured by The Man, whatever -- they got on my nerves, and they still do, apparently. i guess we all have our High Horses we ride about some things. being weird is one of mine (even though i learned over the years, it's much, much more fun to disguise it most of the time).

olan mills hilarity

2008-01-12T08:58:00.000-05:00

i got an email forward last night (gracias! you know who you are!) containing some hilarious "olan mills" portraits with snarky captions, and instead of putting them all here, i'll just do a few and instead point you to another blog containing all the pics.

to be fair, some of the photo studios featured are NOT olan mills portraits, but that doesn't matter. because many actually are, and they all smack of the "olan mills" studio experience. [aside: "picture day" at school every fall was a horror for me. every single year i took a terrifically ugly photo, and then would BEG my mother to let me get re-takes. (which she only did like, once, when i had my eyes closed or something. never one to indulge my vanity, she would tread that shallow pool of trying to explain gently that i really did look like that, and/or "it isn't THAT bad, sylvia, honestly." i wish i had some of my own to put here; there were some gems, let me tell you).]

so here's a sampling of the hilarity (click on link above to see complete selection, and although i wish i could take credit for the zinger captions, alas, they're some mysterious other person's ...):

Just a typical day on the plantation. In a business suit. Y'know, for a budget meeting with the slaves.

Bobbi isn't the first waitress to fall for her manager, but she and Dale both got fired from Shoney's.

happy birthday, g.

2008-01-11T10:35:00.001-05:00

many of you have probably seen this already, most likely including my birthday boy-friend (secret code name "g" for our purposes here), but if not: ENJOY. it's wonderful and hysterical both. why in god's name can't we put our american prison inmates to productive use doing coordinated dance routines?? for crying out loud, it's not like we need that many more license plates, and I KNOW it would be a great way to keep spirits up as well as build camaraderie. [warning: the ending is a little freaky, hinting at prison gang rape, maybe? poor "girl" punk, sigh ...]

1,500 inmates from the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center, Phillippines performing "Thriller" in exercise yard:

my new favorite song!

2008-01-10T08:16:00.000-05:00

and the video is super-cute, too (see bottom of post for song/video). unfortunately, regina spektor's other songs are good, but i haven't found one as awesome as this one. i'm suffering lately from massive girl-singer crushes, whoa. i might have to consider becoming a lesbian for these ladies, i'm so in love with them, esp their INCREDIBLY SEXY VOICES. first it was the chick from feist, who i found irresistible in both style, songs, dance moves ... [wistful sigh. see awesome videos for "1, 2, 3, 4" and "my moon, my man."]

then it was rachael yamagata [click for her new album teaser, here for a great song.] since she plays piano like regina spektor and looks a lot like feist lady, i'm starting to see a trend ... and it involves HEAVY BANGS.

then there's lily allen. oh, lily. [sorry for that.] you also have fantastic bangs. i love the london accent, christ i love it. you're pregnant now, so i sort of hate you for that. (especially because you're like, 12). but your "LDN" song makes me smile like a crazy person and speed WAY TOO FAST when i listen to it in the car.

and you might recall my Ode to the Juno Soundtrack post from december, with its appropriate shout-out to kimya dawson. no need to say the same thing twice. (except i will add that i've now seen juno TWICE and it was hands-down my favorite movie of the year. i laughed. i cried. and then did both of those again. diablo cody better win the oscar for best original screenplay, or somebody from the AMPAS will ... feel my seething anger from across the continent. or something).

as usual, i got a little off-track. fabulous, eerily-similarly-looking hot girl musicians i adore. (norah jones, you were, of course, the first -- but that was years ago. do you have bangs now? i'd like to include you here, but am not sure. so sorry about your break-up. i heard. they SUCK ASS.)

without further ado, "fidelity" by regina spektor:

flowers for algernon disclaimer ...

2008-01-09T07:33:00.000-05:00

... before it's too late, i need to mention this other side effect to my new medication. in my excitement over finding a pill that strips me both of migraines and extra pounds, i neglected to mention this other, potentially less-awesome side effect.

i need to articulate this other side effect before i lose that very capacity ... you see, the neurologists did suggest that in my "line of work" (i.e., teaching public speaking to college students), it might be a little awkward when I LOSE THE ABILITY TO RECALL WORDS.

ahem. yes, apparently this is a commonplace occurrence for people taking topamax, and what happens is that you'll just be talking (or writing? or blogging???) and then the most everyday language will escape you and as one user wrote on a topamax message board, you suffer an "attack of the stupids." since this happens to me a lot anyway, i bet most people won't even notice. i'm often fumbling for the simplest of words, and when students helpfully "fill in the blank" for me, it becomes A LEARNING EXPERIENCE. (hi people, ever heard of teaching??)

my dad made me read flowers for algernon when i was a kid. and then, no shit, (i don't think he was being ironic on purpose, really) he forgot a couple years later and made me read it again. for those of you whose parents didn't force literature down your throats growing up, it's a sad/weird story of a mentally-challenged janitor (at a bakery, wikipedia reminds me. which also reminds me how even as a child, i thought that if i had to be a janitor anywhere, i'd want to be one at a bakery. christ. the fresh donut smell ...) who starts in this experiment where scientists make him smarter. soon, he's brilliant. then, (awakenings very much? [but that was a true one, ugh.]), crushingly, the treatment wanes and stops working altogether, and charlie (the guy) reverts back to being mentally-challenged.

the tough part (see, i didn't major in english all those years ago FOR NOTHING) i suppose, is that charlie knows he's going to get less smart again before it happens to him. he knows it's going to happen, can see it happening at first, and then pretty soon he's back to spelling his name 'charly' again, as evidenced by the movie poster on the '70s book cover i recall best from my youth. (except with a backwards 'R,' which i can't figure out how to do. OMG? is it starting for me already???)

so, there was my disclaimer. hopefully this won't be too debilitating, as i'm also currently job hunting at the moment, and it would be a real shame to be in an interview and have them ask me about my teaching philosophy and i say something like, "a teaching idea ... yes, i have one. of. these ... but mine is about ... goodness. uh, you know ..." (maybe i should make myself flash cards with words like "social constructionism" and "bel hooks" and "service learning component" and "portfolio-based assessment" on them in case i get an attack of the "stupids" at a critical moment).

and now. that's the end of me talking about the new pills! honestly. i'm sorry i went on with the migraines and stuff as long as i did these last two posts, damn. i've always been slightly irritated by people who wear their ailments/issue like badges of pride, boasting about their depression, their ADD, their dyslexia. while certainly no one should be embarrassed by these things, ever, (period), it makes a person seem weirdly vain when they go on and on about a condition of theirs.

but, probably most of you think this about me already, so no harm done here. (if i can get them to give me my own photo of my brain MRI at the hospital this morning, you'll get to see it here tomorrow!)

new migraine relief?

2008-01-08T08:59:00.000-05:00

yesterday morning i made my first-ever trip to the neurologist, referred by my GP because i get these chronic headaches and migraines. neat right? kind of. there were a series of tests where they do stuff with the little light, tap your head, test your reflexes, push (or have you push) your muscles. (no shit, there was even this whole "pull my fingers" routine, which i did with a totally STRAIGHT FACE). one of the funniest parts was when another neurologist came in and did this gentle head-tapping thing while listening to my skull with the upside-down side of the stethoscope. i wanted to tell him, "no, no, you need to turn that thing around-- where did you get your neurology certificate, tijuana?" alas, none of the doctors i met had ANY sense of humor, sigh.

the good news: i got THREE new prescriptions for combating the headaches, THREE! here's the super-amazing-i'm-bursting-
with-joy news: one of them (topamax) is a daily migraine preventative pill, with the major side effect being WEIGHT LOSS. hello god? a pill that prevents me from getting migraines AND makes me thinner?? i've died and gone to heaven.

when the doc told me this, i chuckled and said, "i've heard botox is being shown to help reduce migraines, too-- once insurance covers that, i'll be ALL SET, haha." [a side note here: the doc chuckled uncomfortably, looked perplexed and said he had never heard of this ... uh, i heard of it a couple of YEARS AGO, and i'm not the goddamn neurologist. click here for info.] anyhoo, he went on to say that he lost 40 LBS IN SIX WEEKS when he went on topamax.

(earlier, in the fall, i did a post about how i was happily [mysteriously] losing weight. well, mystery solved: i was just smoking like a chimney, not eating as much, slightly depressed, and was losing ALL my muscle tone. the holidays rolled around and my body said, "oh sylvia, you dumbass, did you think you were going to lose weight so easily?? mrah-hahaha!! have another holiday snickers bar, why don't you??" and then i gained [cough] a little back.) SO, while i would have to be hospitalized if i lost 40 lbs (putting me somewhere slightly BELOW nicole ritchie in her scariest days), losing a good 10-15-20 lbs would make me excited to put a swimsuit on again.

the other two drugs are for treating headaches: one is specific for migraines (zomig), and the other is for tension headaches (bupap). according to the first neurologist, i had an incredible amount of tension in my back-neck-head area (medical term for this location, anyone?), and when i suggested this might be because i JUST DROVE 20 HOURS STRAIGHT [didn't mention i had two dogs in the backseat] ON SATURDAY, he just sort of absently nodded and said it was a good drug.

although the doctors yesterday were very nice older gentlemen, i was a little perturbed i didn't have an opportunity to ask a lot of the questions i had brought with me in a notebook. there just wasn't a good window. and they gave me a list of migraine triggers that I'D SEEN 100 FUCKING TIMES, the only surprise was aspartame (damn! good-bye normal diet coke, equal in my daily coffee ...) i wanted to say, "yes, yes, OK, you're the neurologists, really, and i'm NOT A DOCTOR, to be sure, but i've read a million things about migraines, including the oliver sacks book titled, appropriately, migraine, and so i have some specific questions now ..." but [sigh] there wasn't a chance and i didn't have the energy (i actually HAD A BAD HEADACHE yesterday, go figure) to tackle them as they were leaving the room.

tomorrow i go to the hospital for a brain MRI, which i assume judging from the way they mentioned it so off-handedly, is just a lawsuit-precautionary measure. (usually, my migraines change sides each time -- one month pounding behind/in/around one eye, the next month in the the other. i guess the MRI will rule out the possibility i have TWO similarly-shaped tumors on both sides of my my brain, or something like that).

speaking of the pain, i can remember it the way you can remember a smell ... hazy at first, then sharply clear. i might explain someday how during my migraines over the years, my fantasies of REMOVING THE PAIN WITH A DEVICE have evolved ... first i remember, when i was young, wishing plainly for a vice, to stick my head in a vice and crank it tighter and tighter. then later, the notion of a drill came to me: drill a hole in the offending temple, and the pain would (magically) flow out. in recent years, all i can imagine over and over when i have the pain, is a melon-baller: scoop scoop! into my eye socket and around in the temple, and i could scoop it all out. i wanted to ask the doctor if anyone else had mentioned taking a melon-baller to their eyeball/head ... i actually had it written down to ask about.

i'll keep you posted, faithful four readers. :) maybe my migraines will soon be a thing of the past! maybe if you get them, you should see your doctor, too! and maybe if you're desperate to lose weight, you should go see your doctor and explain about your chronic debilitating migraines, that you'd kept secret for so long ...

"where all the women are strong ...

2008-01-07T18:04:00.001-05:00

... the men are good-looking, and all the children are above-average."

this is the tagline for Lake Wobegon, from garrison keillor's "Prairie Home Companion," a minnesota radio show. lake wobegon is a fictional town based on keillor's childhood in our lovely, northern-midwestern state. i always liked this tagline because (duh) i think it's true about minnesota, but i suppose most people are over-proud of their home states. certainly, there are ugly men in minnesota. and i've known some decidedly average kids, too.

but i digress.

coming home, to your old home, the one where you grew up and made all of those irreversible childhood and adolescent decisions, where you climbed trees and swam and skated and trick-or-treated, where you smoked pot for the first time and later sneaked out of your house, where you had your first kiss (etc) and where you yelled back at your parents and watched your siblings go from babies to kids to teenagers to young adults ... this is always tough and relaxing at the same time.

at home, with your family, you are always YOU, the one you are, the one you think (HOPE) you've grown away from. people love reminding you of when you ______ (e.g., ran away to hide, crying/sulking, when everyone else was taking a family picture that one trip to michigan). but the trauma of remembering everything you did wrong to yourself, to those who love you more than anyone in the world, is tempered by the relaxation that comes from just being yourself. i guess most people are "themselves" all the time, sure (me? i'm never sure). but your family KNOWS YOU, like hoover's FBI knew civil rights leaders, but more so. i wear less make-up around my family, i get happy when they're happy, angry when they're angry. i don't care if i look fat in something, and i tell my family EVERYTHING.

here's something about my family (mom, dad, step-mom, siblings): they're VERY political. like, borderline crazy-political. conspiracy theories? "they're not conspiracies when they're true, sylvia." my family is anti-establishment, anti-republican, anti-war, anti-hate, anti-chain-store, anti-SUV, anti-HMO, anti-religion (with exceptions for quakers and buddhists), and above all: ANTI-NORMAL.

they're also a very creative bunch, from painting to writing to cool crafts to very unusual takes on home decorating and gardening. (e.g., my step-mom has collected animal skulls for years, and tried to make a mailbox where you opened the deer jaw/mouth to open the box. when this proved logistically impossible, she just attached the whole skull to the top of the mailbox, where it remained for years before breaking off somehow. now she does these fabulous oil paintings almost compulsively, and they're breathtaking).

i'm a little embarrassed that while home i didn't attend the peace rallies with my dad and sister. after a week of running all over the twin cities and having a fabulous time seeing MN sights with a friend visiting from canada, i didn't want to stand outside in the cold (with said tourist friend) waving a peace flag and demanding the end to the war in iraq. i wish i had gone. i wish i wasn't lazy and was more proactive, was more involved in changing the world. maybe i will try harder this year (well, i'm rooting for obama and will do campaign work for him once he gets the nomination -- but this isn't enough).

the gifts from my family this year were the same gifts i get every time i go home: i am humbled. i am moved often, and shaken to tears by this exchange or that sad/beautiful piece of news. i am inspired. i am encouraged. i am loved (and then wish to be more loving in return). so, here's to my family -- all of them, those in minneapolis and duluth and texas and michigan and france and japan and everywhere else: THANK YOU with all my heart and soul and viscera and bones and cells. thank you for being such a dear, unique, wonderful bunch.

back south, ahh ...

2008-01-06T13:43:00.000-05:00

like many northerners who move south, our blood does indeed thin. after two weeks in minnesota, i was completely exhausted by the snow and cold (and the gray/brown slush of all the roads). most of the time, even indoors, i felt cold. constant coldness, other than when i went to sleep in the room at my parents house with one of those space heaters in it (which i kept at its highest heat level ALL THE TIME, which made me wake up sweating in the night. but i was so glad to be warm i didn't dare turn it down).

here in SC, i have my doors open and it's sunny and warm and absolutely lovely, mmm ...

more on the trip soon, because i know my four dear readers are SO curious what the two weeks in the tundra involved, besides shivering and overeating. mostly i had so much fun relaxing with my dear friends and family ... as well as contemplating my life (a little; it's hard to focus when your blood is regularly cycling through freeze-defrost-freeze-defrost).

and who knew? my dogs love snow! and they grew immune to the cold, playing in my folks' yard longer and rowdier than the two minnesota dogs they were rooming with. go figure.

yet another(!) quick post ...

2007-12-21T05:39:00.000-05:00

really, this is the last one. it's 5:45 a.m., and the car is all packed minus dogs and two or three smallish bags. couldn't sleep at all last night -- such is the way before a long trip, of course. and naturally, it's pouring rain here; according to the radar, it will be raining for the first, oh ... six hours of the drive. then it looks like a short respite from this massive weather "system" before we'll plunge into some sort of sleet-storm in michigan. yay. it will be fun to take dogs for walks at interstate rest stops in the rain and sleet. it's times like these that i curse myself for never investing in one of those ridiculous umbrella hats.

but i ran across my old friend edward gorey the other day, and thought i'd put up this link to his most well-known, and certainly one of his most macabre works. it's delightfully sinister and the pictures are fantastic. the work i'm talking about (click name to read and see it in its entirety) is the gashlycrumb tinies:

i love it:
"G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug."

one more quick post

2007-12-20T14:07:00.000-05:00

this is a golden retriever NURSING a kitten. and for whatever reason, i find it both totally hilarious/ridiculous and absolutely adorable. the look on the dog's face is such a golden retriever look: "[sigh] is this what it's come to? OK, sure. take the picture then. and, yes, i'll donate blood for your nephew."

happy holidays (again)!